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Author: Subject: life and times of essence
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omg.gif posted on 9.27.2004 at 12:50 PM
life and times of essence


So i get to school today an hour before my class, haul ass to the computer lab because it always gets real busy this time of day. I mean i could use the computer at home but its gets pop ups like there going out of style. Anyway back to the point...came all the way here just to join this site that my sister has been telling me about. I have to go to class now but i hope somebody will give me a tour later. i'll be back in about 4 hrs.
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[*] posted on 9.27.2004 at 06:10 PM


I cant wait until i actually have time to sit downand actually tell you my life its going to be such fun but be prepared my life should be on abc as a regular soap opera. Until tommorrow.
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[*] posted on 9.28.2004 at 05:53 PM


Im back again and what a day I am having. I went out last night. Igot home at about five thirty but you know you cant go to sleep right away because you have to sit up in bed and go through the events that went down at the party with whoever wants to listen in this case it was my friend. Anyway I fell asleep at approxiamately six to be up and out the door by eight. I get to where im going and fall back alseep until about twelve thirty. Then its up again to begin my journey to school. As im in my lecture the cloud just seems to b getting darker and darker and sure enough here comes the rain. I figure I have about 2 more hours in school so it should lighten up but was I wrong..... damn hurricane charley, jeanne, ivan whichever one of the hell one it was... it only got worse it felt like little dogs were falling on my head as I proceeded to speed walk to the train station with no umbrella . I get home soaking wet from head to toe and cant even take off my clothes b/c they are stuck to my body so i decide to come on the lounge and vent. i'll be back im going to browse. until later.....tata
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[*] posted on 9.29.2004 at 04:24 PM


So today has been a rather boring day.
Anyway I actually have some time on my hands so I can give you the brief on my story. It all started sophmore year in high school I met the love of my life. He was everything I could have asked for. We were together for what may have been the best three and a half years of my life and then thats when it just started going down hill. He moved to ohio to go to school and i stayed in new york and the distance was killing us. Call me weak but the arguing was getting to me and all I ever wanted was for him to be happy so i figured since im causing all the tension in our relatonship it would be best for me to just break up with him so he could be happy. What the hell was i thinking:wtf:. so anyway i broke up with him and block him out my mind by seeing someone else. After a while it worked but then he came back to the city but we werent on any real serious speaking terms. I invited him to thanksgiving dinner at my fathers house and it was great. He kept asking me if i still love him and i wanted to tell him yes so bad but i knew that that would just lead to him trying to get me back and I was already serious with this other dude. So I avoided the question. Low and behold in May of this year i did some dumb ish. I read the letters he used to write me and I fell in love with him all over again. This time I just couldnt keep it to myself so I went on a misssion to see where his head was at come to find out he had a girl. Did that [Censored] burnnnnnnnnnnnn....I cried and cried and cried i guess I just thought he would wait for me forever. Anyway we talked and he basically told me that he wasnt goin to leave his girl for me because what if i hurt him again but he said his feelings for me havent changed. By this time i had already broken up with my boyfriend because at this point i dont want to deal with anybody seriously unless it is my ex. Me and my ex started chiling again mad tough just like old times but the fact still remains he has a girl. I kind of cut him off for a while because it hurt too bad to know that I couldnt have him but now we are on cool terms again. We still talk about us because neither one of us feel like this is the end we both feel we are going to be together again and that for me is very refreshing because I love him more than life itself but it is whatever god has in store for me but i believe he has my back. He is moving at the end of the month down to the dirty dirty but I promised to visit so we will see how our story ends

Until next time..tata
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[*] posted on 10.3.2004 at 02:51 PM


So I think that i need to slow down with the party life this [Censored] is expensive. I have partied everyday this week except wednesday and thursday. I started chillin with this dude on some friendly time ish nothing serious, anyway I just found out he has a crazywife so that just might be a dead issue. I cant afford to get mixed up in the bs for what people thnk is going on between us because really nothing is. Anyway I dont really have much time but I just wanted to post I will elaborate when i come back...tata
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[*] posted on 10.15.2004 at 07:22 PM


Has there ever been a time in your life when everybody was getting on your mf nerves and you just wish you could fly the hell away:cloud:. I don't know what it is but it just seems like everybody is out to get me right now. On another note I been chilling with this dude mad tough and hes a sweetheart but im scared that I might fall in love with him unexpectedly amd I'm still in love with my ex and they say get rid of the old b4 u start something new. If he came back today and told me he wanted to be with me i'd be like:dance:hell yeah we would:lovers: i would:frustrated: and we would live happily ever after. (LOL)But hes about to move to the dirty dirty but something tells me this aint over. So then you might ask why am I wasting my time with this dude ????Im not using him in any way I really do like him but i'm just confused. You know what else is f ed up I kinda sorta not really still have a boyfriend and I do love him dearly but I just dont want a relationship with him or anybody else for that matter until I figure everything out. I know he loves me and would give me the world but we dont see eye to eye on certain [Censored] and it really bothers me and that will eventually lead to heart break. And everytime we get into an argument I start to thinK negative and I start to think about all the ish in the beginning of our relationship, all the lies and stuff like that and I start to think am I setting myself up for disappointment but ....What is meant to be will be so I will jut put it in gods hands and let it be. Until we meet again. tata
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[*] posted on 10.21.2004 at 05:38 PM


So let me fill you in on my lifes events. One i'm a at a state of confusion in my life I dont know what the hell i want but I feel like I need to get away. My love life is in shambles. I'm being real selfish to the current man in my life because I dont want a boyfriend right now I just want to be free from everyone but its still on some vibe like I dont want him to be with anyone else because that would mean that im no longer number one in his life and I dont think I can handle that but we came to an agreement for him to do him so I guess i'll see where that goes because seriously I just want to be free. Second my friend that I been chilling with mad tough I think is catching feelings for me and I dont mind because I always knew he liked me and I like him also but at this point in my life its not going beyond friendship hes just a really cool person to be around. Third my new friend that I been chillin wit on some friendly stuff really tried to push up on me I knew he liked me also but there the feeling is not mutual he is just a fun person to be around there is always something happening in his life so anyway let me tell you the story about him.
So we went to poughkeepsie couple weekends ago for some party he was playing at me him this other dj and my ratchet just in case they started some funny [Censored]. He rented this really cute car so I told him I wanted to drive it because that was gonna be a once in a lifetime opportunity. So he lets me drive there and half way back now im feeling like a balling a$$ b!tch because I got dudes as my passengers and then theirs bold ass dudes in ther cars still trying to pick me up. So that was cool.So we are riding back and he basically said with out saying it that he wanted to f^ck me but I let him know real quick its not going to happen. Now last week Wednesday my friend sets me up shes at some party she wanted me to go to but that hes also at.So hes asking for me and she knew damn well i was in my bed and she lets him call me from her phone long story short he tells me get up and get dressed hes coming ot get me because my home girl looks lonely without me. Fine no complaints. He comes to get me we in the party im chillin hes doing what he does everythings cool a hour late hes tellling me hes ready he wants to take me somewhere. So I simply reply thats nice but im not leaving with you im going to wait with my homegirl so he got mad and left the party and then texts me tellling me how im an ass. So im like im an ass because I dont want to leave with you knowing you aint up to no damn good because you not trying to tell me where im going I call that being smart. He doesnt call me after that nite and told my homegirl how how I played him and im no good. So this dumb a$$ calls me this morning like everything is alright and talking bout hes coming to get me. I passed on that with the quickness, dude has problems i'll stick to seeing him at parties from now on. That pretty much sums up whats been going on with me lately. That and school and thats pretty much it. until lata...tata




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[*] posted on 11.1.2004 at 07:02 PM


Today has to be ONE of the worst days of my life. Its like I can never win. When i'm happy it never lasts for long. I think i'm cursed or something. Today I go to school because they keep sending me letters in the mail telling me I owe them money but financial aid covers everything so i'm wondering what the hell is going on because every week im in the financial aid office sorting something else out. Anyway I get to school now and they tell me I have to pay my tuition in full because my financial aid and Tap are pending because I may not be eligible this semester. But I know this is impossible so im trying to explain the situation to the lady in the financial aid office and shes not listening so I snapped needless to say I diditn get much help from her. What I was able to find out though from someone else was that my tuition would be covered eventually but in the mean time i had a stop on my records which stops me for registering for classses next week friday until my tuition is paid. I need these classes and they full up pretty easily so I was pissed because if I dont get the classes im going to end up taking anothere semester off and when I do that I feel like im wasting my life away. So eventually I got them to lift the stop so that I would be able to register but i still dont get my money that I am entitiled to by next week which really sucks because I have been living on credit since i started school and I was depending on this money to pay everything back. But as ususal this is the story of my life nothing ever goes as planned. Now I dont know what the hell im going to do about that. Im trying not to think about it hopefully everything will work out.

In other news I spoke to my ex last night. I was really worried about him because I havent heard from him in about a week or twoand he normally calls me every week atleast because I dont call him due to circumstances, but he finally called. He's supposed to be moving out of state the end of this week im excited for him. Its a new beginning for him and I wish him the best I just hope we dont grow apart I hope we stay as close as we are now, now that we have been reacquainted.

In other news I actually stayed in my house all weekend this is a first in a while and it actually felt good I think I may be doing it more often now that I am officiallly bankrupt.

Finally, I was just thinking if i were the man in my life I would not like me right now but he seems to not be bothered by my actions or maybe he just isnt showing it. You know what its like to be with someone who shows you no affection and you know you can do so much better but you dont want to move on because you love that person too much. I think thats how he feels. He still treats me like a queen and all I give him is heart ache and pain but the whole situation is F***ed up what can I say he has the option of moving on and telling me to kick rocks but hes just not taking it so in actuality im not to blame.

Thats all folks. until next time tata




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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
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[*] posted on 11.2.2004 at 10:11 PM


So I went to vote today. Felt good. Felt like I was making a difference. i hope everyone who was eligible to vote on here went out and did the damn thing.

Thats all folks...tata




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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
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[*] posted on 11.5.2004 at 06:37 PM


So yesterday my ex boyfriend came to tell me bye becaues hes moving to south carolina this week coming up. Even though I didnt see him that often when he was here i'm going to miss him:frustrated:. Anyway we talked and listened to music and laughed it was really cool. He asked me when I was going to start packing and I was like what? and he was like yeah when are you moving...I dont know we'll see. I would move across the US for him if he asked me to. Only time will tell what my life holds. So i'm just waiting to see how everything will play out. My mom got him oxtails because everytime he comes over he asks my mom if she has any oxtails for him. It was really cute. Oh yesterday was my moms bday too. Thats all but until next time ..tata



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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
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[*] posted on 11.9.2004 at 08:14 PM


You ever feel like your not worthy of someones kindness. Thats how I feel today. If I need for anything and it is accessible he will provide it for me and I just feel unworthy of his love sometimes because he is so nice to me and I can be such a b!tch sometimes. I cant make somebody leave if they dont want to and I dont ask him for anything so its not like im using him. What can I say maybe one day he'll just disown me we will see. Until next time tata



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[*] posted on 11.10.2004 at 11:17 PM


So my ex boyfriend calls me last night and tells me he has a surprise for me and I am like what the hell can he have to surprise me unless he tells me that he is leaving his girlfriend and wants to marry me. Anyway he came over my house and as soon as he walked in asks me for something to drink..so I go get it and when I come back I see something sparkly on his leg and i'm like what the hell is that and then I realize that its my bracelet. He bought me a bracelet one year for my birthday and I used to wear it everyday while he was away so I would have a part of him with me...but eventually one of the clasps were loose so I couldnt wear it anymore... when we started talking again in may I told him and he took it and promised to get it fixed... we had some fall outs after that and I just kept telling him to bring my bracelet and my pictures and forget about me and he kept swearing up and down he didnt have it. Needless to say I was excited to get it back but how convenient he brings it back 2 days before he moves to South Carolina...helps me put it on and everything. He knows how I feel about him and it hurts so much that I cant be with him and now I am going to be reminded everyday that I cant be with him but I cant take it off I love this bracelet so much. This reminds me of what we used to have and the person I used to know and love so much because he is no longer that person. I swear he gets on my nerves sometimes its like he is off and on and I never know what to expect. Its so frustrating but next year will determine everything.. I just want o know what direction my life is going in pertaining to him. until next time tata



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[*] posted on 11.11.2004 at 07:41 PM


I am so freaking tired of heart ache and pain its like no matter how I try to forget about this dude I cant. Okay let me rephrase that not forget about him but forget that we used to be together and we used to be happy and having to live with a mistake. I wish I had selective memory sometimes because there is always a point in the day that I become sad and frustrated because of this. I just want to be done with him if I cant be with him but I love him too much to just forget him.


In happier news my best friend might be having a baby soon thanx to me. We were having a discussion about how I would like to have a baby......Eventually.....but circumstances are not right with relationships and school and (marriage is optional cause it doesnt mean much these days)you know all that stuff that is supposed to come before baby. But she has nothing to lose. She is married and almost finished with school plus she wants a kid and loves kids dearly so I told her to go for it which means I might be a god mommy soon. :mj: im so excited if I cant have one of my own atleast I can spoil hers.

Until next time tata




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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
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[*] posted on 11.12.2004 at 06:08 PM


I dont think one day has gone by without me thinking of him and its driving me crazy. I dont love often but when I do love I love hard and I think that is going to eventually be my downfall. tata



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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
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[*] posted on 11.18.2004 at 05:50 PM


I feel like one of my friend is forgetting about her old friends in order to incorporate new friends and she does it all the time its just one of the qualities I cant stand about her but accept because I know she does it unconsciously. She needs to figure out a way to balance sh!t out or she is going to end up losing people that been there for her for a while all for people who can turn their backs at any minute.

Next my exboyfreind leaves today hopefully. I need to cleanse him from my system because im letting all the things that made me happy and that he has done for me in the past over shadow the fact that he has been treating me like crap. I'm over it....I pray to god every night to lift this weight off my heart so I can move on with my life because it does take a toll on me from day to day.

I figure 2005 is going to be my year to start my new life the first six months are going to determine where my life is going and what I want to do plus im turning 21 I have to get my sh!t together I have to stop living my life based on what other people expect of me. 2005 is all about me and what is going to make me happy. I guess you will see what I mean when everything plays out.

until next time tata




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"EVERY MAN IS THREE MEN. WHO PEOPLE THINK HE IS, WHO HE THINKS HE IS AND WHO HE REALLY IS"
-- FONTAINE
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