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Author: Subject: She's having his baby.... and he's a nut case. Should she tell, or keep it a secret... from him?
Tea_Honey
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[*] posted on 12.21.2012 at 09:25 PM
She's having his baby.... and he's a nut case. Should she tell, or keep it a secret... from him?


I've known a couple women with this dilemna, i.e., should she tell the father she's pregnant. What do you think?

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My friend is pregnant with her first and probably only child. This was a complete surprise, as she thought she couldn't have children. The father is someone she dated for a few weeks. She has decided not to tell him about the pregnancy based on his behavior when they were dating. He made comments that she was dirty because she wanted to have sex. (He was OK with them having sex, however.) He talked creepily about how he wanted to protect and save her. Then she went on a camping trip with a group of friends, which included some guys, and he got very jealous. He called her a slut, said he wished her puppy would die, and hoped one of her friends got cancer. She ended the relationship then found out she was pregnant and she’s having the child. Her family supports her decision not to ever tell the father. But she asked my advice, and I'm torn. I think the guy is crazy, but she could use the financial support. Also, in the future the child will have many questions, and my friend will have to say she barely knew the father of her child. What do you think she should do?

—She’s Having His Baby




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Tea_Honey
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[*] posted on 1.3.2013 at 02:36 AM


Reading this, I'm reminded of a(nother!) relative who had a baby by (another) nut case. He was an abusive nut. Told her that if she took him to court for child support that he would beat the crap outta her on top of quitting his job. I and everyone else, told her to leave the "dangerous" psychotic alone and accept that she would be sole financial support for THEIR child. It was agreed that the child should get to know her non-child supporting father who insisted upon visitation, and his side of the family. (Fortunately, or unfortunately - depends on which way you look at it - the nut died when the kid was about 5 and the relative has received the child's portion of his Social Security survivor's benefits ever since).

In this case, the woman has already broken off the relationship, they both have moved on, and the nut doesn't know she's pregnant. Since she has already indicated she's prepared to go it alone, and even if she's like most of the women I know and could use some financial contribution, I say, don't tell him! My relative's "baby daddy" was physically dangerous; HER nut would make her life a living hell!

#1, he's creepy, disturbed, and has some fa real issues. So, #2, I can just see him taking her to court for all kinds of crazy stuff, or popping up at her house at all hours to see "his" child.... or harassing her at her job.... which brings up supervised visits, restraining orders, orders of protection, etc. I can see NO good coming out of him being in her child's life (lunatic might even try to kidnap the kid!). I CAN, however, see him making a vexacious, scary nuisance of himself for the next 18 years.

As usual, the child will have to pay the price for her parents' actions (moms stupidity for not using protection, included). I'd suggest that moms come up with a "nice" story about how she and absent dad didn't know each other as well as they should have and broke off their relationship before she knew she was pregnant..... and now she doesn't know where he is. When the kid gets older, she can drop "hints" about him being a nut job so that if s/he decides to go looking for pops, they won't be surprised should they find him in the psych ward of the local charity hospital. As for pops, it's best that he crawls back under that rock and never gets wind of the amazing news.




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