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Author: Subject: Her husband is trangendering into a female and it's making her miserable
Tea_Honey
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[*] posted on 11.21.2012 at 12:33 PM
Her husband is trangendering into a female and it's making her miserable


Q. Transgendered Husband: I believe transgendered people should be treated with the same respect and imbued with the same rights as cisgendered people. I have always felt this way, and I have several transgendered friends. Then my husband, whom I love very much, told me he wants to become a woman—or, she has always felt like a woman trapped in a man's body, and if she doesn't begin transitioning, she will be emotionally crippled. Initially, I promised to remain married to her during her transition and for some time afterward, to give our marriage a chance to adjust to her transition and sex change. It has been three months, and as much as I love my husband, I am miserable. To a certain extent, my love for my husband is rooted in his manhood. The more my husband transitions into becoming a woman, the less romantic love I feel for her. I just don't think I can remain her wife. I am heartbroken and feel as though I am a widow, which sounds so dramatic. My husband is emotionally fragile right now, because she's lost some important people to her because of her transition. Everyone commends me for supporting her and sticking with our marriage, so I feel like a fraud now too. She loves me so much; I cannot imagine how to tell her I want a divorce, that she has lost me because she is transgendered. Or is it better to be a bad person and leave? And yes, I am seeing a counselor.


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:ummm: Advice anyone?




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Tea_Honey
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[*] posted on 11.27.2012 at 09:32 AM


Okay, my advice:

This man "is becoming" someone OTHER than the man she married. His turning into a woman changes the marriage contract fundamentally. She didn't say 'til death us do part' to a woman; she didn't consent to marrying a woman - she fell in love with and married a man, a biologically intact man. The day he decided to grow breasts was the day HE broke the marriage contract and as a result, all deals were off. He committed fraud by entering the marriage withholding this crucial information from her, information crucial to HER happiness.... namely, that he feels he's a woman trapped in a man's body.

As for people "commending" her for staying with him (disappointing them?), who cares? It's her life, her marriage and she's miserable within it. Most sensible people would recognize that. If not, oh well. Btw, those same people wouldn't think anything of her leaving him, would prolly applaud THAT, if he told her he was gay and KNEW it at the time he married her.

Upshot: He made the decision to "change" the marriage by becoming a female on his own. She has just as much right to NOT agree to his on his own change, but to dissolve the marriage contract (male/female) and get a divorce on HER own. He's 'emotionally' fragile? So is she. He's looking out for himself by going through the change. She needs to look after herself by divorcing him. JMO




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crabrice
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[*] posted on 11.27.2012 at 09:50 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by Tea_Honey
Okay, my advice:

This man "is becoming" someone OTHER than the man she married. His turning into a woman changes the marriage contract fundamentally. She didn't say 'til death us do part' to a woman; she didn't consent to marrying a woman - she fell in love with and married a man, a biologically intact man. The day he decided to grow breasts was the day HE broke the marriage contract and as a result, all deals were off. He committed fraud by entering the marriage withholding this crucial information from her, information crucial to HER happiness.... namely, that he feels he's a woman trapped in a man's body.

As for people "commending" her for staying with him (disappointing them?), who cares? It's her life, her marriage and she's miserable within it. Most sensible people would recognize that. If not, oh well. Btw, those same people wouldn't think anything of her leaving him, would prolly applaud THAT, if he told her he was gay and KNEW it at the time he married her.

Upshot: He made the decision to "change" the marriage by becoming a female on his own. She has just as much right to NOT agree to his on his own change, but to dissolve the marriage contract (male/female) and get a divorce on HER own. He's 'emotionally' fragile? So is she. He's looking out for himself by going through the change. She needs to look after herself by divorcing him. JMO


I totally agree with you! Argued well!




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babybear
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[*] posted on 2.4.2013 at 10:50 PM


The wife needs to understand that if she chose to leave, she would not be a bad person. I give her much credit for staying... because I wouldn't have. When they got married, she did not take vows to Join with a transgendered woman in holy matrimony. God requires that in a marriage between a biological Man and a biological Woman (i.e. A Man and his Wife) that no Man put asunder what God has joined together. In this case, it was this new "woman" that is causing the dissension. So if she does divorce this person whom is now in the process of becoming a woman, God will not even be upset with her about that decision.

She knows she is not attracted to women so there really is no point in staying married to the transgendered husband. It is sweet of her to consider his feelings and emotional state, but the reality is that if he truly loved and respected her as a person, he would have never gotten in a relationship with her in the first place. He knew before he met her that he felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. And Yet he began a dating relationship that turned into a marriage for his own selfish reasons. Because of that, she needs to cherish the good times they had, accept that the man she fell in love and bonded with as her husband no longer exists, and move on. No matter how much she loves her husband, at the end of the day.. it still won't be enough to bring the "him" part of "her" back.




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