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Author: Subject: Because I'm Dope And You Care.
soulitude78
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[*] posted on 7.6.2009 at 04:09 PM
Because I'm Dope And You Care.


I’ve been faced with this conundrum for the last week or so. I have sought advice from my crew, and have been trying to be mature and understanding without risk of being looked upon as a fool. I was two toes away from the thin line between understanding and foolishness this week.

When folks are irresponsible with our feelings, we instinctively build new relationships slowly. We never want to be the same fool twice. We know that relationships are dynamic and the plausibility of “forever” is always a dice throw. As we continue to experience life we do learn to enjoy the positive portions of our kinships no matter how long they last.

Admittedly, I have issues with moving on or letting things go when things don’t entirely make sense (I am working on this—I am). I am honest with everyone I meet. I don’t misrepresent myself and I try to make my expectations and goals very clear, especially in romantic connections. These kinds of connections are often very fragile, but have the capacity to move very quickly when there is real chemistry and admiration. When this happens many times fear arises, and we are reminded that these kinds of feelings may not last, and some of us withdraw given those fears, potentially missing out on a good thing. Too bad.

I say these things mostly as an examination into my own process and how I approach romantic situations. I am learning not to look at romance and love as pass or fail. I have removed myself from the notion that romance and dating is a game, although sometimes even though I refuse to play, it leaves me WIDE open to get played, but such is life. I am not a fool or naive, I am just very real and try to be very mature in regards to love. In that I am learning and have learned the following and make a real effort to live by them (this is my personal list, as not to contradict anyone’s obligation to their own beliefs):


If you are not ready for any and all of the possibilities of love, do not interrupt the lives of others with your indecisiveness and ambiguity. It’s selfish.
Know what you want and what you need, and let him/her know. That doesn’t mean you can’t go with the flow, it just kind of makes the flow less bumpy.

The rest of the list.
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soulitude78
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Posts: 9094

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Mood: Thoughtful.

[*] posted on 7.6.2009 at 04:11 PM


I make conscious and informed decisions when it comes to romance and dating. Most times, although I listen to my heart, I follow my head and gut.

When I was between 21 and 23, I was very naive and followed my heart blindly into the hands of my first girlfriend. I loved and believed pretty much everything she said. I was young. The conclusion of our relationship was tragic for me. I moved away from her to finish school and we agreed to continue our relationship long distance. After a couple of months, and soon after her visit to Cleveland, she became ghost. No phone calls from her, no e-mails. I was concerned. Close to the Christmas holiday, she reappeared, and fabricated a story about her phone being disconnected. I believed it. She said she still wanted to see me for my planned visit for Christmas. She said she loved me and couldn’t wait to see me. Great. She dumped me on Christmas (yes, the actual day) with an unrepentant tone and attitude that was heartless and uncalled for. In 2002, I spent most of my Christmas holiday on a greyhound bus back to Cleveland.

Fast Forward…

This past weekend, I caught a glimpse of a young (emphasis) lady I had spend some time with recently. The length of our interaction with one another was short lived, but in that time she claimed to be falling in love with me. I wasn’t in love with her, nor was I falling. She was quite the distraction from some very stressful events in my life and I navigated the situation in that capacity. I learned she had recently parted ways with a lover and I too was in a similar situation. I presented my intentions a couple of times as to not create confusion or unnecessary conflict. I have learned that it is never wise to lead people on for your own selfish needs, so I don’t. Given what I knew of her, and based upon conversations we have had, I trusted she was honest and upfront about her intentions—I was wrong.

On the weekend of June 21st (this is significant, because it was the week a friend’s mom passed, the week I was to see my dad, and the weekend I was to attend a yearly memorial gathering with my family for my grandmother who died ten years ago. Here is the rest of the story
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soulitude78
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Mood: Thoughtful.

[*] posted on 7.7.2009 at 06:27 PM


I have a very concise list of things that are important to me. As I mature, the foundation of those things are specifically spiritual. I operate my life in constant awareness of my actions, whether they are helping me grow spiritually or hindering the process all together. It goes without saying that I do make conscious decisions that clearly do not align my spirit with my overall spiritual objectives, and that’s cool.

I’ve always had a slight obsession with being a “good” person. “Good” is subjective, but in general people identified as “good” characteristically share similar values. I have never had a natural desire to be malicious, and even when defending myself I am left with residual guilt even if my words are sharp and justified.

There is a sense of nobility that is felt when circumstances require our unwavering dedication, even if that means that we are neglecting ourselves in the process. For many of us, we hold on to a crippling idea of care that often leaves us more frustrated than redeemed. We do care what people think, and most of us put our best foot forward because of that—and that’s great.

...continue...
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soulitude78
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[*] posted on 7.22.2009 at 07:17 AM


In relationships we want things to mostly work in a way that makes us happy, and why not? When we are challenged within our relationships and our happiness is compromised, we search for solutions with our partners. Most couples put effort into finding unified happiness. This is what we do, but this I not what we should be doing. Happiness is not something you ever find in someone else. Happiness is something that you already have, something that you should already be experiencing for yourself. Love is the same way, it is something that you should already have, and when you fall in love it is an extension of the love that you already have for yourself. Love is never lost at the conclusion of a relationship—at least it shouldn’t be.

Loving someone does not mean that you are with them forever. I never plan for forever with any of my partners, because forever is a challenging obstacle. You can be so busy planning for forever that you forget the right now. The root of commitment these days is painted with gold rings, houses and dream vacations. I am committed to you because I live with you. I am committed to you because I bought a house with you. I am committed to you because I put this ring on your finger. These flimsy reminders of commitment sometimes bring turmoil and most times never achieves the safeness of forever. We don’t take the time out to appreciate our partners today, in this moment, because we are so self assured that they will be there tomorrow. We take their love for granted because we KNOW they will be there forever, so we’ll get back to loving them in a couple of weeks. That is how we treat the love we extend to our partners. There should not be any “honeymoon phase.” Why can’t there always be a honeymoon? We say love is work, and we treat it like a job instead of a unique gift and experience. We want to bottle it up and place a label on it that reads Check the rest here




"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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soulitude78
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[*] posted on 8.18.2009 at 10:08 PM


I was very reluctant to write this. I don’t know what the assumptions are about lesbians and their relationships with other women, although I have been privy to a few directed at myself. I have some tight knit relationships with women who identify as heterosexual, in fact my closest friends are heterosexual women. These women are all very intelligent, very attractive and very well put together. They also would very much like to be in relationships with black men. Conversely, I know several very intelligent, very attractive and very well put together black men, and although they profess their love for black women and black people in general, they would consider not dating black women, and some of them do not.

I love black people, especially black women, mostly because I am a black woman and I only date other black women. Don’t get me wrong, I think people should be able to be with whomever they fall madly in love with, but I think it is wrong to vilify a group of read the rest here




"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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soulitude78
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[*] posted on 11.9.2009 at 12:19 PM
The Purpose of A Vigil


http://cherinajones.blogspot.com/2009/11/purpose-of-vigil.html



"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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soulitude78
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Mood: Thoughtful.

[*] posted on 2.10.2011 at 07:16 PM


Keepin' it (Real)ly Wrong..

People are CONSTANTLY keepin' it real. I hear it a lot from people, they say "I'm just gonna keep it real with you." Lately I have been observing when people say this. People stir a lot of criticisms and negative undertones in their pot of "realness," and when they are satisfied with their dish they serve it, unapologetic. I rarely hear people keep it real in a kind way, keep it real in a positive way or keep it real to make someone smile.

Some of us believe that our criticisms will evoke change, and we believe it is our duty to hold a mirror to our peers and loved ones in order for them to recognize their missteps. It is the love that we have for our friends and family, we claim, is our main motivator, but that is hard to seriously consider when our delivery is crass, judgmental and unbalanced.

I don' believe in tough love. I don't believe love changes its form, I just think we change the clothes of love to suit our frustrations and agenda. Love is not crass and dismissive. Love doesn't disregard, it embraces; it doesn't judge; we do. If we do things in the name of love, it is wise to consider that pure love is understanding, compassionate, affectionate, and endearing. It
is never mean and sarcastic; it is never tough.

Here is the rest of the blog...

http://cherinajones.blogspot.com/2011/02/keeping-it-really-wrong.html




"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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soulitude78
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[*] posted on 1.23.2012 at 04:23 PM


Wrote another blog. You can find it here:
http://cherinajones.blogspot.com

Here is a piece of it...

When I was four, I remember falling in love for the very first time. Well, maybe it wasn’t love, and maybe I was too young to really recognize it as anything other than a strong fascination for a female playmate.


Since that monumental moment as a kid, I have fallen in love several times.


I thought my very first girlfriend dumping me on Christmas would be a pivotal moment, shaping a truer understanding of what love was. My reaction to our breakup was a far cry from enlightenment about love and relationships. I became a champion crooner of Snoop Dogg’s “Bitches Ain’t [Censored].” It was on repeat, either on a CD or in my head, either way, for three years following that embarrassing moment (I should have been clued into…something, since she was trying to link me up with a waitress at a restaurant the night before), I treated all women like the scandalous, lying bitches they were.


I acted out aggressively, carelessly and with no REAL respect for any woman I came in contact with. I was an [Censored] and I didn’t care.


Every woman I have dated since G has shown me something about myself. Loving and dating has been more about a revelation of self and a container of evolution than it has been about mastering relationships or the art of love. In fact, I don’t think I will ever master the art of love. I don’t think there are any true experts on love and relationships. That doesn’t mean that there will not be 300 more people writing books this year showing us all how to love our man or woman, what signs to look out for in a cheater and how to tell your man is really gay. We buy those books hoping to one day find our perfect mate, or shape our existing relationships into something far more phenomenal and passionate than we believe them to be. I’m not saying books don’t help. I read a lot of books, and I take a lot of things from them that have truly helped me look closer at things in life’s bigger picture. Admittedly, I don’t own any, “How to Make Your Relationship Hotter in 30 Days!” kind of books.


For the past five years I have been in two relationships with two phenomenal and beautiful women. They are strikingly different, physically, how they sift through their emotions, how they love(d) me, and how they juggle life experiments experiences.




"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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soulitude78
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[*] posted on 5.4.2012 at 03:46 PM


I wrote a new blog. You can check the rest here: http://cherinajones.blogspot.com/2012/05/no-beatings-in-brooklyn.html

At some point, I'll probably have a daughter—Brooklyn Elis Jones. I don't know who her father will be, or her biological mother, and I haven't decided if she is just a compete figment of my imagination or if I'm really making future plans.

The thought of children always come to mind when I am in a relationship, especially when things are going well. But my enthusiasm for parenthood is always tempered with fears about the caliber of my parenting skills. I won't be a perfect parent, but I certainly want to be a parent who is loved and respected by her daughter.

I mentioned to someone years ago that I didn't want my child to be gay. It was during a time when I was still trying to find a comfortable place to land while struggling to hold my head high through the challenges of being an OUT, black, masculine identified, dyke. The thought was not a reflection of some inner-homophobia, but it was the fear that my child would be ostracized, potentially violated and succumb to violence. It is possible, that by the time I have a family, this won't be an issue, but I doubt it.

Recently I read an article about a Pastor in North Carolina, Sean Harris, who gave a sermon about violently reinforcing traditional gender roles in families. I listened to the audio recording of the sermon, which Harris later retracts, and assures his commentary was said in jest. He sounded pretty serious to me. I observed the reactions of the audience, who surprisingly...




"Did you read the Article because that's not what she said and your FONT Color is Whack. "

-Waterboxer
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