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Author: Subject: Ladies....why do you toughen up your daughters for the world and not your sons?
safetyblitz
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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 02:18 PM
Ladies....why do you toughen up your daughters for the world and not your sons?


Ladies:

This has always puzzled me and when I say what I am about to say, I do not mean all women......

Ladies, I notice that mothers teach their daughters to cook, wash, and effectively how to take care of themselves to the point that usually the daughter will feel comfortable moving out when she feels she can support herself.

Yet with their sons, they cook for them all the time, maybe only give them the chore of taking out the garbage, wash their sons clothes, and effectively still treat them as if they were 5 and these men-children are 24+.

Why do a lot of women differentiate between the upbringing of their male and female children?

Before some of you come in here defending womanhood and all its beauty, reread this with rose colored glasses as this is not an attack, but a genuine question because as a man I don't understand this and I am confused about this.
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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 02:34 PM


Shooot, not my mother...we ALL had to learn to cook, clean, and sew. My brother may never admit it...but he can crotchet.

Growing in Jamaica, he also learned hard work and responsibility...getting up with the roosters to milk the cows.




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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 02:38 PM


Quote:
Originally posted by safetyblitz
Why do a lot of women differentiate between the upbringing of their male and female children?



Why do men teach their sons sports, how to fight, how to approach a girl, etc? :dunno:

It's conditioning.




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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 02:40 PM


I was always told this is the way men want a woman to be. You cook, you clean, you know how to pay bills and support yourself. My mother did it because after 3 girls, he was the crown prince in her book.

My brother is lazy as sh*t. I couldn't tell him to clean up after himself, don't invite people over if the house isn't up to code, take out the garbage, clean the bathroom. NOTHING!!!!!

These are the people who, when they go away from home, will have a lot of problems adjusting to living situations that don't allow for an irresponsible attitude towards how you live.

Even to this day, in my family amongst the women, the measurement of a woman is how she cooks and keeps house. Everything else is secondary. "Don't no man want a lazy woman." "Don't get caught up being BBL. That's three strikes." The man really doesn't have to do anything but work.




Leaving behind the trash... :rofl:
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safetyblitz
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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 02:52 PM


No I was wondering why because of the over abundance of men-children we have running loose in our communities posing as men.

Another example, I taught my daughter how to shoot, how to fight from her back on the ground, even how to do basic repairs on a car like change a tire, oil, and brakes, and how to manage her finances. My wife was involved in teaching her how to take care of the house and other things women have to teach women.

My son is in the midst of being taught the same things as I taught my daughter. Except my wife always seems to make excuses for him for not doing the same amount of housework as my daughter did when she was his age like he had football practice or weight training in which I have to remind her that our daughter used to be in the band and marched in the sun.

I have noticed this same behavior from a lot of women not only my wife, but married women, single women, lower income women, rich women.

It is just with the overabundance of men-children in our communities that I am sure these mothers see everyday, it seems this would make them give their sons more responsibility than the women.
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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 03:02 PM


Quote:
Originally posted by Soul Cry
Shooot, not my mother...we ALL had to learn to cook, clean, and sew. My brother may never admit it...but he can crotchet.

Growing in Jamaica, he also learned hard work and responsibility...getting up with the roosters to milk the cows.


We were raised the same way. And, yeah, both my brothers can crochet, too. My husband sews almost better than I do, and he crochets better than I do. He can't knit, though...

This actually causes some problems when it comes to my stepchildren, because my husband was also raised the way I was, and the kids' mom wasn't. However, she babies BOTH kids. Example: If their rooms aren't clean/chores not done at our house, they get disciplined. At mom's, if their rooms aren't clean, SHE does it. They don't wash their own clothes, don't have to help with housework of any kind.

That bothers us, because we know they're going to be on their own fairly soon (he's 15, she's 14). They need to know how to do these things for themselves, boy or girl. Some parents only teach certain things to girls and others to boys because they figure, "He/She is getting married one day, the spouse will handle the other stuff." Also, some people still think in terms of "women's work/men's work."




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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 03:11 PM


Thinking back, there is one thing my dad wouldn't let me do growing up: Yard work. I was in college before I learned how to use a lawnmower and a weed eater. That was my brothers job. No idea why, because dad taught me to do basic car maintenance. I don't think there WAS anything we girls learned that the boys didn't.

The only allowance they made for us as far as housework was if we were at some sort of practice/rehearsal, and weren't home to eat dinner. We wouldn't have to do the dishes that night. But, again, that applied to all of us.




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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 05:20 PM


YES, LORD! SAY IT AGAIN!

Although it's not all women, but FAR too many mothers spoil and baby their sons!....especially if they're single mothers and the father is not in his life. I think it's often a guilt thing.

However, a male relative of mine said it BEST when he asked his then girlfriend (now wife) about her parenting decisions/practices with her pre-teen son....

"Why would you raise your son to be the kind of man even YOU wouldn't want?!"

One of my best-friend's and I met 10 years ago and in that time, I saw her spoil her son rotten!...never making him take responsibility for his actions....too often caving in and giving him what he wanted. I saw how he manipulated her, but, obviously, she could not.... She always cleaned up his messes from 13 to present.

And NOW, he is a TWENTY-THREE year old, irresponsible SORRY-@SS young man, still living with HER with his girl-friend and two daughters.

However, my friend's TWENTY-SIX year old DAUGHTER has been on her own since 18. She worked, had her own apartment, paid her own car note and insurance and was a self-sufficient young woman. She is now MARRIED and she and her husband have bought a home. --She just had her first child in Dec.




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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 06:19 PM


Whether it's cross-cultural or not, it's still a too-oft repeated practice amongst many Black mothers to prepare their daughters with some life skills which they neglect to teach their sons. ----And with the large number of single Black mothers, today, it has become even more prevalent.

My mother taught my brothers to be "domestic." ----When our mother had to go out-of-town or had a hospital stay, my youngest brother was the elected stand-in COOK...(That boy could cook his butt off!) And no, he couldn't crochet, but he and my oldest brother could do simple sewing like stitching hems or seams on pants and re-sewing buttons.

They both had to clean and wash dishes as well as take out the trash and do yard work.

Conversely, my sister (the eldest) never learned to cook no matter how our mother tried to teach her. :lol:

I am the baby of the family and I was always at my mother's knee or side in the kitchen wanting to "help" and for her to teach me.

Our mother was raised a country girl as well as being ex-Army and a nurse.....So, CLEANING and CHORES had STRICT regulations and guidelines in our house! ---That woman would work you like a Hebrew slave! (lol)

And we ALL had to sweep and scrub and mop and wax and dust and do all of the requirements she set for GENERAL INSPECTION! LOL!

And it was "all hands on deck" for Canning season as well!...Sterilizing those damn Mason Jars and cutting and slicing and rinsing and stirring pots and straining sh*t!

Whew!....Sorry, yall....I HAD A FLASHBACK! :lol:

But, the only exception to "equal opportunity" domesticity in our house was taking out the trash....mostly the boys did it.

But, I think that rule was not such much because of a "man's work/women's work" mindset but just because the can was too heavy for the girls.

However, I have seen evidence of this "man's work/women's work" attitude in other Black households where there were 2 parents....The girls did ALL the housework and "fetching" while the boys and their fathers were served and waited on.

But, my mother taught my brothers not to depend upon a WOMAN and taught her daughters not to depend upon a MAN. ----"God bless the Child That's Got His/Her Own."

So, mothers out there: Don't raise your sons to be sorry-@ss men by ENABLING them and don't cripple them by not teaching them how to cook and clean/sort and wash clothes and be self-sufficient....ONE DAY, they will leave your house and not know how to DO a damn-thing for themselves.....And this applies to your daughters as well.




"Whether you have a Ph.D., or no D, we're in this bag together....work together with the black man, then we will have a better chance to just act as human beings.."
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[*] posted on 3.20.2009 at 08:32 PM


Not teaching boys to cook, clean and sew does not correlate in any way, shape or fashion to single motherhood. It is, however, cross cultural. I know of no race or ethnicity where boys are expected to know or perform the same domestic skills as girls. Even in multi-generational households, this holds true.

That said, this notion is intriguing. The reason behind the domestic expectations is that girls will keep the home while boys will go into the world and support the family. In today's world, however, the underpinning for the domestic = girls attitude (work in the home) is antiquated. Most women work outside the home by necessity, and the nuclear family - father, mother, children - is the minority family model in America.

In black America, we have another set of problems. Not only do girls grow up to work outside the home, often-times, boys cannot find meaningful or other work that pays enough to support a family. Shiftlessness, or "sorry ass" becomes a problem so widespread, it has become noticeable. Because the females in their lives are traditional and do all the domestic chores both as children and as adults, responsibility in any area of their lives is missing.

I'm thinking that perhaps if like many on this forum, domestic responsibilities were given to black boys at an early age, the act of being responsible, in itself, would take hold and be so strong that it would translate into a more focused and diligent effort in seeking to fulfill their roles in the outter society. Just a thought.




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[*] posted on 3.22.2009 at 10:51 PM


The Difference between a Boy and a Man

Boys are students: Men are teachers

Boys are consumers: Men are producers

Boys play with toys: Men work with tools

Boys break things: Men make things

Boys ask questions: Men give answers

Boys are disruptive: Men bring order

Boys run in gangs: Men organize teams

Boys play house: Men build homes

Boys shack up: Men get married

Boys make babies: Men raise children

A boy won’t raise his own children: A man will raise his and somebody else’s

Boys invent excuses for failure: Men produce strategies for success

Boys look for somebody to take care of them: Men look for somebody to take care of

Boys are present-centered; Men are time-balanced, having knowledge of the past and understanding of the present and a vision for the future

Boys seek popularity: Men demand respect

Boys are up on the latest: Men are down with the GREATEST




"Whether you have a Ph.D., or no D, we're in this bag together....work together with the black man, then we will have a better chance to just act as human beings.."
Fannie Lou Hamer
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[*] posted on 3.23.2009 at 06:37 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by safetyblitz
Ladies:

This has always puzzled me and when I say what I am about to say, I do not mean all women......

Ladies, I notice that mothers teach their daughters to cook, wash, and effectively how to take care of themselves to the point that usually the daughter will feel comfortable moving out when she feels she can support herself.

Yet with their sons, they cook for them all the time, maybe only give them the chore of taking out the garbage, wash their sons clothes, and effectively still treat them as if they were 5 and these men-children are 24+.

Why do a lot of women differentiate between the upbringing of their male and female children?

Before some of you come in here defending womanhood and all its beauty, reread this with rose colored glasses as this is not an attack, but a genuine question because as a man I don't understand this and I am confused about this.


This actually a REALLY good question, because I have seen this in a number of people I know personally. This girl I know, her parents were HARD on her, but catered to her brother, who can't keep a job, did horrible in school and is still not in school or at least doing something progressive with his life. My homeboy is 27 lives with his mom, she caters to him, washes his clothes, etc. My other homeboy lives with his mom and he is 30 years old, etc. The list goes on. But I do see this and wonder the same thing.




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[*] posted on 3.23.2009 at 06:44 AM


No matter how things were back in the day, things change and so do situations. Now a days both parents have to go out and work, and the role of the woman being in the house soley is diminishing. Men certainly need to know how to cook and clean and do other "domestic" activities, and equally women should be privy to activities outside of the house traditionally dictated for a man.

The world is evolving and these boys are not evolving with it. It makes me wonder now why I often see more black women--at least in my circle, with their [Censored] together and black men who can't seem to get one leg in front of the other.




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[*] posted on 3.23.2009 at 07:33 AM


My mom babies everyone...my older sister has always been afraid to live on her own so my mother lets her stay, my only brother lives out of town & my mom pays his rent...my youngest sis is only 10 but anything my siblings dont do, my mom will fuss about it, but she will go behind them & do it herself.

I'm the only independent one but mainly, I was raised by my grandparents....




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[*] posted on 3.23.2009 at 09:23 AM


I remember an article I read a while ago in which a Black father was explaining to his son and others the difference between a GROWN MAN and an "ADULT MALE."

It was SO fitting to this topic, but I could not find it!

However, that is what so many doting mothers out there don't seem to see themselves.

You can't call any other man "sorry" when that's exactly what you're raising your own son to be.

Children are done a disservice when they are GIVEN everything and have everything DONE for them. ---Loving your children is not synonymous with enabling them and crippling them for survival and success in the REAL WORLD.




"Whether you have a Ph.D., or no D, we're in this bag together....work together with the black man, then we will have a better chance to just act as human beings.."
Fannie Lou Hamer
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