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Author: Subject: The way it makes me feel
brownskin87
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[*] posted on 1.18.2012 at 01:27 PM


I was chatting with this man i know, very attractive, 5"9, long eyelashes, deep cocoa skin, brown eyes, thick build and we started talking about reggae (he loves the stuff). i told him i listen to it occasionally but not hardcore, i don't understand patoi so everything is foreign to me but the beats are always rocking. he then says, "man ima get me a jamaican girl, they know how to dutty wine!" after i got my seven laughs in i asked him, i mean is that all jamaican women are good for? he then reveals to me how he's always been turned on by west indian women because of their "tantric" dance moves. and still i asked, is that all jamaican women are good for? he keeps dodging the question although i found my inquiry to be rather simple so i moved on and we began talking about other things. but i found it humorous that the only reason you would desire someone is because of a cultural thing, i mean, i'm sure all jamaican women don't know how to dutty wine. think about it what if i said, "i sure do want a white boy because white boys can square dance." that mess don't even sound correct.



Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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Posts: 894

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Location: inside my own thoughts

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Mood: am i free? really?

[*] posted on 1.20.2012 at 01:46 PM


I call myself a Zane head yet I'm just now finishing Skyscraper (the nerve of me!). anyhoo i read skyscraper from cover to cover last night and I was thinking about sex (experiences...as all zane novels incite) and I realize that out of all the sex i've had in my 20 years of existence I've kissed under five people and to my recollection only one of them have made my knees knock. marlon, that man makes me blush and i haven't seen him since may. hands down, he's the smoothest brotha that i've ever known, every touch he placed on me was effortless, and he kissed me with a force that will be hard to top. i remember there was a post on this site about kissing and the depth of it and i believe i took it lightly, but i really don't. there has to be a reason why my kissing count is significantly lower than my body count (i hate the term but i'm using it to provide flow with this train of thought). The reason is (as you all know if you've been reading my blog since 2008) i believe sex is something spiritual and i suppose if i kiss you, i'm trying to connect with you on a deeper level. if we're just bumping genitals and bucking i can't kiss you, there's no need to. i've learned the difference between sexing and f*cking (i believe it'll take some time for me to understand what making love is) and the difference is sex is simple intercourse between two or more people immerse themselves in to achieve an orgasm (in some cases they ACTUALLY may be selfless and worry about the other person's orgasm...tray bizarre). and f*cking? it's rough, tough, passionate, back scratching but nonetheless selfish (when love and/or strings aren't involved).



Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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[*] posted on 1.25.2012 at 01:44 PM
hump day


on days like this what is there to look foward too? it's a routine, get up at 9:30 am - wash my poon poon - brush my teeth- wash my face- eat cereal- make sure i leave the house by 10:40 so i can be the first one in my sociology class - haul ass cross campus so i can be in my speech class on the dot - take notes- study- go to work - eat- exercise- yada. it's stagnant. sometimes i want to hop on an airplane and spend the night in a different city or catch a bus to baltimore and go eat tyrone in the roughest of neighborhoods OR (or) have sex in the woods by my house and yet, none of these ideas will be completed because a.) i'ont even have a jet, thee time, or thee funds to be traveling to a different city b.) logic tells me don't carry my black tail to baltimore and be wondering round the hood after 6 c.) i'm not having sex at the moment. so i'm stuck riding the same camel i've been riding for a minute now, and i'll ride that camel tomorrow. but best believe i'm going to throw some adventure in my life soon enough, something exciting, something to write home about it, something that makes me smile in the most inappropriate of moments.



Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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[*] posted on 4.4.2012 at 12:35 PM


i'm so angry that i feel my blood pressure spilling out of my nose. today i discovered that no matter how intelligent, polite, or educated i am, to others i'm perceived to be just another overbearing, ignorant NGH. in my speech class there's this group project that i've been confused about since day one mainly because i've tried to be as open as i possibly can as to what we're going to analyze (we were given a choice between a music video or a great speaker). there are five members (six if you include me). three members agreed with me that we should analyze a music video, the other two wanted to analyze a great speaker. we never decided what we were going to do, although we all sit very close by each other no one has said a word to me in a month. today i had enough and addressed each and every one of them,

me: excuse me, but since we're all adults why is it so hard for anyone to open their mouths and communicate with me as to what we as a group are going to do?

one member (spanish guy) replied "well we've already decided"

and i struck back, "oh really? when did WE decide this?"

and he replied, "last friday."

now in my head i'm fuming because i was absent last friday and THEE day that I'm here that is when everyone wants to join forces , what about all the other days when i was in class, front and center, trying to comm-un-icate?

i was at a loss for words. my professor chimed in, "you know i think they are scared of you because you have such a commanding prescence and you'r e outspoken." I'm thinking, but I don't even say anything! I mean if you count the speech I did on female genatalia, but that was two minutes of me talking, and if i'm not mistaken qualities such as "commanding" and "outspoken" are positive not negative, right?

i won't apologize for not walking with my fallopian tubes tucked between my bosom, if you're frightened by my appearance oh well, we have an assignment to do, i should have been consulted.

after class i gathered the group together and in sad fashion all of them seemed to "gang up" on me. mind you, even the three members who agreed on analyzing the music video suddenly had a change of heart. when i stood quietly listening to the reasoning why we should analyze "Bill Clinton" (of all people, gag)i still disagreed. i felt that by the words being said, everyone was under the impression that i had no valid thought and my opinion didn't matter.

but it does. still, this is not that deep. i'm just hurt by it all. i'm hurt that despite being grouped up with one black woman, three ethiopians and one hispanics they treated like less than a second class citizen.




Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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[*] posted on 6.19.2012 at 09:19 PM


None of this contact smells nice
all of these necks and flesh smells ripe
too unsavory for me to savor
do me a favor
touch me here instead of there
and maybe i'll like it next century
next year




Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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Posts: 894

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Mood: am i free? really?

[*] posted on 6.29.2012 at 06:43 PM
Warmth in the Winter Shade in the Summer


i never felt this to be true because in the winter i stay in the house, I’m not outside in a coat trolling for stick. I actually get the most attention in the summer which I feel all women do, less clothing, less inhibitions, anything is bound to happen. Just a couple of weeks I got approached on the bus by this handsome stranger, that almost never happens. I feel like it has to do with the attitude fluctuation from winter and summer, people in general are usually more outgoing in the warmer months. Addressing the shade in the summer premise, does this mean big girls are incapable of finding serious suitors in the spring-summer months? secondly, what fat girl do you know is going to stand in front of someone (man or woman) and take the beating of 100 degree weather including the sun? like seriously you’d have to be insane to willingly subject your rolls and crevices to potential perspiration. i’d rather be in someone’s parlor dining on icecream or something of the sort. but whatever, people have to keep a stereotype going somehow.



Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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Mood: am i free? really?

[*] posted on 7.6.2012 at 06:56 PM


last summer i was a raging black feminist poet cooped on inspiration DRY vagina and this summer a man texted me “Forreal u bout to be my itch” and i halfheartedly agreed to the idea. am i becoming the women i criticized so harshly, the ones so thirsty for intimacy so they fall in to casual companionships that end in casualties? i could say i’m different, that i’m very much in control of sexuality and i know when to withdraw from murky waters before quick sand grabs my ankles and refuses to let go but what if that is all a front and what if i’m transforming in to someone’s bottom itch…fun girl…lil buddy as rocko so ignorantly puts it? i was listening to me and my itch by biggie a couple nights ago. i consider myself to be a hip hop head and i never heard this classic song. one where Christopher Wallace acknowledges a woman that gives him good loving and emotional support as a itch? and damn am i turning in to a ride-or-die like the lil kim of the bad boy hey day?



Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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brownskin87
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Posts: 894

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Mood: am i free? really?

[*] posted on 7.13.2012 at 05:26 PM
7.11.12


walt: I can give you reasons why I like you. First I think you are beautiful. Secondly you make me feel comfortable when talking to you. Third I feel that your sex drive is as high as mine. Fourth you send shivers down my spine and that's special to me. Five I think your biggest fear is love. Being hurt scares you...to give your all and to be hurt. I think you run from that. So having random sex leaves you in control.

me: I don't want to be hurt.


i now have a companion.




Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
brownskin87
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Posts: 894

Registered: 5.1.2008

Location: inside my own thoughts

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Mood: am i free? really?

[*] posted on 8.11.2013 at 10:27 PM
Grown Gurl Isht


Yesterday I was at the petworth station in dc trying to hail a cab and it was looking dreary, all of the cabs were passing me by. finally this ethiopian man stopped and i got in the cab...front seat, there were 3 other passengers in the back. he seemed friendly and even wise. although i only live 3 miles away we talked about enough for me to believe he was a wise older man. and that is what i saw, a wise older man who was making his last drive of the night and trying to make the best of it by engaging me in conversation. that is until the 3 backseat passengers got out and he got pervish. i stayed up front because i was comfortable and we weren't far from my house. he then start kissing my hand and trying to guide it to his woody. i should have taken down his information, or jumped out but i was tired, i was drunk, and in my mind if it got that serious i know how to protect myself in more ways then one. i told him politely to stop and he kept insisting that he didn't want sex. he said, "no there are too many diseases out here, that's why i take cold showers." then why was he being so touchy all of a sudden? we're nearing my house and he reaches over trying to touch one of my tits. i slapped his hand away and we pull near my home. he stops the car and tells me no charge, i insisted i pay, he insisted i don't. he didn't want me to pay him but he wanted to pay me. fifteen dollars he said and he pulled out 3 folded fives and tried to shove them in my purse. ugh, no...why wasn't i being more aggressive and angry and letting this man know that he was being out of line? i was tired and drunk and i just wanted to sleep for work in 4 hours. alas as i was getting out of the car he steps out unzips his pants, pulls up his shirt and says...please, touch me. gray beard hanging down to the middle of his chest, smelling like retirement home and hot coffee asking me, a twenty-one year old woman to touch him.

men.




Everybody has a choice. I am not here to shove my light down everybody's throat. for those who don't want it. i have nothing to defend-lauryn hill
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