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Author: Subject: I'm Still Standing !
Diamond
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thumbsup.gif posted on 9.27.2008 at 09:09 PM
I'm Still Standing !


Man....I can't get that Monica song out my head...I usually hear it when i'm out walking our mid-size Lab/Mix dog ..when i hear that come on ..on my MP3 player...I sometimes find myself raising my arm, and hand in the air...like Rocky and ish....and waving it side to side a lil like I'm at some Concert, jammin'....or Gospel Extravaganza !!!! lol....I'm still standin'....

I Let Go.....and...I Let ........GOD...

ain't who i used to be...LUDA !!! .every thing they say i did....everything they say i am...gonna throw my name in the ...DIRT...but I don't GIve a Dayem !!!...I'm still Standing like the Statute of Liberty...


Okay...Okay...I know I got the lyrics all mixed up...but hey...this is my Blog joint...can do what i want....hee-hee-hee-hee


Ntway....This will be my blog # 2 because so much has happened since Blog #1 Diamond Studded Pearls of Wisdom..one....and besides ...I need a Fresh Start !!!

This journal will be mostly about me, my thoughts about various things..family...people in general..relationships...beign married...my journeyr and never ending mental trials and tribulations from domestic violence from an EX that still seems to haunt me..regardless of how happy I am...or how much i love the beegeezus outta my Husband...he still can't take away these scars i still feel....and of course stuff about my Lil growing into Lil Women, Nieces and the boys that hang around the middle one like Moths to a Flame and my deep down concerns that one of those boys is gonna trip her up and off her career path...to how to handle their sibling rivalry that ofyten gets so "violent" "Mean Girl-ish " by the Older Lil Nieces towards the Middle one...Deep down, I will admit..it IS because of "jealousy"..but I NEVER say it because the oldest has a horrible self esteem issue but she hides it behind her Bad Azz Tough Big Bully Girl Facade...The Middle one is such a polar opposite from her older sister..and well...that's just how the gene pool fell...and the middle one can't help it that the boys come to see her even if they act like they are 'friends' with the older one...This part I HATE..yup i said HATE..because i see it so obvious that they are only using the older lil niecey to be able to come hang around the middle one who seems pretty oblivious to this...AND, ME..regardless of anything else..i will NOT EVER allow ANYONE to start any ish between my GIRLS..what they start between themselves is one thing...a sibling-Family THING...no outsider will come between them long as i can help it...

UGH....look at me...already delving into what is ailing me so bad and keeping me feeling ansy...My lil Nieces and their incessant arguing amongst themselves...over these BOYS...UGH...

Ntaway i need a place to release it because I really don't want real life fam/friends to know so much about what is going on

NTway... boy-oh-boy...our house is like the Adam's Family...so many personalities and individual issues with each...I am under 30 yrs old and NEVER in my wildest dreams or nightmares would i have ever thought...I'd be the Mom to a household of 8 people....8 freakin'...deakin'.. sneakin' people...and still look good doing so........hee-hee-hee...Ntway....Honestly..The stress level gets almost palpable..and yeahMr. Diamond and i have been snappin' at each other lately...Stress and decreasing privacy and couple time...he is a great dad and man...but i tell you even he has his limits...and his thing is I..ME...I Keep letting the kids get into his stuff..and not watching them closer...You can't lock up everything...so yeah some things have gotten messed over...UGH.....It makes me mad when he gets mad..so then we both start snappin at each other..fussin'....plus I;m pregnant and my hormones are a hot mess...he knows this i guess...and usually after a heated one....he'll be the first to break....and well...all i can say...is make-up lovin'....is worth all the yelling....I love that.....and it's funny too though because all the pillow talk you have when satisfied and haven satisifed your partna'...like all your sinuses are open and pores...and YOUR EARS...and each starts talking openly...and making "promises' to each other....only to break 'em come the next head buttin' disagreement


So needless to say...with all the head counts up in here...we are having our LAST baby ever come early Nov.....and all i can say...is whoa....we're DONE...we're ssssoooo D-O-N-E !!!

Okay..all I wanna say... just a lil prelim stuff ...for right now...just wanted to dust off my new spot...in here and open my NEW JOURNAL JOINT up here......

I'll be back and forth...




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[*] posted on 10.3.2008 at 08:18 PM


Okay...friday night...The middle niecey is spending the night at her BFF's house..a slumber party...UGH...Her jammies were cute though..and man...a pack of pre-teenies...in a van...cackle and giggle worse than some hens...they just crack each other up...and yeah...they are boy talk crazy...Geeezzzz...and what's cute-crazy sillier...is when they actually play get mad when one says some celeb guy is their "Husband"..right now....I don't know if Chris Brown knows it or not..but he has 6 wives in the A....my lil niecey included...lol...


Lawdy....ntway..the rest of the kids are at Mr. Diamond's Mom/Pops house until tomorrow night...In spite of how she and i started out...Typical Monster In Law to "Big Dummy" Daughter In law...snide battles we had...She has really come thru with the GrandKids...all of them....She will get ALL of them...the 3 Nieces and our 3 Lil Baby Boy Diamonds and let them stay the weekend or at least one nigth over their house..Granted the niecey's don't necessarily "like it" because Big Momma Diamond doesn't have but 2 TV's...and tjhere is a serious curfew...esp for the boys...8:00 pm...period..regardless of age...lol..That "pisses" the older Lil niecey who is now a true teenager OFF....and Big Momma Diamond doesn't have but the one PC...not a laptop..but a PC..all she wanted...and the girls "freak out"..UGH

Ntway....so tonight is one of those weekends...and I am currently home alone with my 2 cats,and Mr. Diamond stable of Dogs out side..(sike, not that many just now 2.. and a mid size one..lil one...lol..) My WatchDogs

I am a little ticked off...though i know...but still...It';s Friday and it has always been usual..sort of habit to tradition for Mr. Diamond and my Brother (his best friend/Frat & all that)...to go to the billiard hall...and shoot some pool with some other of their day'em "croonies"...Due to the Ripped Off Gas prices here..to the scarce (sp) GAS stations actually selling ANY GAS over the recent weeks...Well, they haven't been able to meet...so tonight..Mr. Diamond called from work to "ask...inform..beg...plead...ask" if it's okay of he can meet up with his boys tonight...get a break..shoot some pool....for 'old times sake" and ish....Said he'd of course come home first, shower, eat dinner...then meet them for some drinks and some night of pool sharkin'....i reminded him that his Moms was getting the kids tonight and that middle niecey was going over Kenyatta's house for that sliumber party....and how 'we would have the house to ourselves.." for a minute....Boy...lol...on the other end of the phone...I could hear the tumbleweeds and crickets...just howling,blowing and cricketing in the long DEAD SPACE...called SILENCE....I let him come out of his.."shock"...and let him respond FIRST...He said..."What??" all obvious...hee-hee-hee...Man, I knew he was about to pass out yet feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place that sometimes men and women's conversations can flip to...like no matter what he said it would be the WRONG ANSWER.,..so he stalls with the ..."Wha?? What was that??? time to think,before he speaks ..hot mess men do...

I played my hand and repeated...he says...."Okay...now I can come home and stay...I can do that...but..."Bay, you know i don't ask for much and i give a lot.....You know I haven't played pool in weeks..You Know that's my jawn...But, ...I can come home if you really need me to..."..His "Ballzzzz" back in MY COURT....lol....Now, I DID want him to COME straight home...cuddle up with ME...rub my belly.....on one hand...THEN...and EPIPHANY hit me...OR....I can let this man come home eat with the fam like normal...let him shower, shave...go pool sharkin'..while I HAVE THE WHOLE SILENCE OF THE HOUSE TO MY SELF...A NICE, CAREFUL TRANQUIL BATH...wash my hair (maybe)....curl up in our bed and relax...watch a DVD or a movie on satellite cable...but...shoot...read the rest of this John Kellerman book I have yet to be able to finish....or I could share my space with Mr. Diamond taking up all the room in the bed ..eventhough it's a King size....This ninka...can take up half the dang bed stretching those long legs and height all diagonal (sp)....yeah..prolly make love....then he just keel over in a deep sleep afterwards....me scrunched up under him.....

HHHmmm what did i do..should i do...HHHmmm.....I do want some space...silence...and the dang WHOLE bed to myself...for a couple of hrs....Heck...

Shoot....I "let"...okay...."supported/agreed" that that Negro needed to go play his POOL ....A Happy Mr. Diamond..is a Happy Mrs. Diamond.....

Well...there you have it...I bathed..and came up in here to relax a minute...and am 'bout to sign off my laptop...and cuddle up..cats in the bedroom watchin' me watch them....and prolly finally watch this DVD movie my GF brought me..and raved about....Shoot, if habit serves correctly...Mr. Diamond will bring me a Snickers bar...and ...all will be well in the world..well..at least the Diamond Household...!!! Snickers solves ALL....I'mma freeze that bad boy !!!...I LOVE Frozen SNICKERS BARS when really Pregnant...they really seem to heal any tummy upset....I know that may be psychosomatic...but...Hey...Taste Delicious...and That is REAL.... :rofl:...:rolling:...


Okay...ba-deep ba -deep-ba -deep...That's ALL Folks...Nighty-Night...to lil Ole Preggo me and all my faithful CL Journal Junkies....:wave:




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[*] posted on 10.9.2008 at 09:19 PM


Okay...

This will be short (for me,lol) and uh...NOT SO SWEET...

The Hubs boss told the directors that there weren't going to be any bonus checks this quarter..in lieu of the whole F'd up economy...and all these rich white boy's bailouts....OMG...gimme a freakin' breaks...

AIG...and their Croonies..done went on a mega huge expensived ..."retreat" getting day'em fat cat facials...renting whores and Hoses and ish...havin' their fat cat fanny's wiped off by feather dusters and ish...in some plosh extravanagant.."retreat"...AFTER getting FAT CASH COW BAIL OUT MONEY...and these MORON's...use it to BUY THE BAR and ish...hee-hee-hee-hee-hee...Rich White Boys never cease to amaze me how they can try to JUSTIFY their mistakes...and sweep this ish under the rug...with transparent lightweight weak apologies and just want folks to keep it movin'.....

This country is going to Hayle in a Handbasket...and these MUGS are spending like WE OWE them something..The Entitlement....

Boy...so the Diamond household is on a tighter azz financial budget....so tight ..we making all our Dolla bills smile like the Batman Joker...hideously so...That's how tight we are NOW stretching and squeezin' those bad boys...Hubs did lose some money in some investments..and i told him...Don't Go Postal on Me...Don't make me have to sleep with one eye open and one hand with my trigger finger on unlock ...lol...He just laughed so hard...and said " You Crazy as Hayle " and said naw...that's what the arsenic was for...This Ninka...hee-hee-hee-hee...

I love that man...we always do this...when it seems times are on a rough patch...one of us comes all off the wall with some crazy "icebreaker" just to make the other one loosen up and laugh like a Banshee....

Ntway....No Bonuses this quarter...and a baby and XMAS are looming inevitably around the corner...

Spoke to the 3 Lil Niecey's BioDad.....that's one F.O.S Ninka Bug-Eyed Fool....claiming he is laid off...and between gigs...Said he actually was going to try to collect some North Carolina disability ...boy..is he a trip...Ntway..i called him because the youngest Lil Niecey said she'd been trying to reach him..but he didn't..doesn't call her back...he happened to call back and i answered.....He just started running his mouth..already crying "po'mouf'.." and I didn't initiate any discussion with him....I think he thinks I ??? We??? had the lil niecey call him...because he started out with..."Hey, Sis I know I'm behind with such and such..but I got laid off 4 mos ago...yada..yada...yada...yada....I can't even remember if iI had a chance to even say..."Uh...oh....uh...Hello ...." I eventually said..." Uh...your lil daughter called you, you don't have to explain anything to me...C....It's okay...I'll tall her you did call back..."

See, I really 'can't stand talking to him..the way he treated my Hub's sister...my Sis-In-Law...the way he abandoned them and just left them like that....why they all had to come live with us...let their former house go into foreclosure and ish....she was sooo hurt and angry...but man..she moved in here...got herself 2 jobs and hustled..even tried to give me some "babysitting" money to watch the girls and get them up and out for school, meals and all that....She was always working day/night died when she was working 1 main job and 2 part times...Man...she was cool...I do miss her...and I know her daughters miss her....but they each said...they love that we let them live here and raised them....Shoot, of course...we're family...and The Grands don't have the room for all of them...We do...we did...we will...

Ntway...Their BioPops..is such a trip,.,,,programmed with excuses....

Soooo...that's it...This economy is going to kick azz for quite a few yrs to come..and the corruption is ONLY BEGINNING....and UGH....

No Bonuses....lawdy.....No Bonuses....we gonna be eating some hot dogs and beans...for a while...:rofl:...:rolling:...

Sssssiiiigggghhhhhhhh............. :(




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lol.gif posted on 11.30.2008 at 03:58 PM
Random..Rambling Off the top of my head stuff...No Rthymne or Reason


The family is at church...all except lil Babygirl and myself...Thanksgiving was nice....I wanna talk a lil about genes and how things oddly pass on down the line..Everyone said Babygirl was so tiny & cute and soooo beautiful and "looked just like her momma".(Kudos to ME, finally,,usually people say aside from the dimples all the boys look like their Daddy spit them each out..lol)..she does have my dimples..just like her brothers have my dimples...and she didn't get my type color light eyes but she did get my dad's hazel eyes...These "funny" eye color and dimples are a strong dominant/recessive gene that runs in My Dad's immediate family gene pool very heavy...Now as lil babygirl ages, she does favor my Brother Damien's lil daughter Danielle" when she was a lil baby and my baby could pass for his Daughter...lol...as he said...He loves her to death...and just keeps grabbin Mr. Diamond and nudgin' him...all proud...like Mr. Diamond did all this by himself..Bro-Damien does keep telling/teasing Mr. Diamond..that WE're DONE !!! how we don't need any more kids...so Shut it Down....how his lil sis ( me) can't handle the title of the Old Lady living in a Shoe...He has called us the dang "Energizer Bunnies"...type mess...he is ssssoooo NOT funny sometimes....but hey.,...they are tight like that..say mess to each other...jokingly with an air of seriousness to it....best friends...so and but of course my brother "swears' mr. Diamond can do no wrong and everything that happens to Mr.Diamond in his life..is cause for OVER THE TOP Celebration...Shoot, he took Mr.Diamond on a night out with the boys few nights after babygirl was born...drinks and rounds on the house for him..even...UGH...me he just got me some flowers...Thank GOD his wife got something usable and practical for me..and the babygirl...gowns, breast feeding peek-a-bop snap off type bras and stuff...I mean I love the flowers and all that..but we can't wear 'em....use 'em as a diaper...but as usual his beautiful wife, my sis in law..Miss Nichelle came thru...My brother is a true testiment when folks say that sometimes a Man needs a woman to complete him...and she sure does bring that feminine... final... appropriate....touch with events and how to do things...like with eitquette and class and that kinda thing...Things some men ,may not think about...but bring that "touch"....on something,.....if that makes sense...

Sssssooooo i loved all the flowers,cards received from the fam...but...man if it wasn't for these brothers of mines wives in their lives...lawdy....but I don't wanna come off ungrateful...just..diapers are always needed...lol...men !!! but again...anything shown was is..well aprreciated...if not say...practical.....But I love 'em all....

Ntway,....lil girls do bring something to a household....and she has done just that...I love when Mr. Diamond holds her so close to him afraid he is gonna drop her..like he's a bomb squad cop detonating a bomb veyr carefully...He says she is so much "smaller" and "lighter' than the boys...just seems veyr fragile...lol...He says he doesn't wanna hurt her...and I tell him....she's unbreakable...and just hold her like the boys when they were babies...he just looks so nervous holding her...but man...he does kiss the hayle outta her...and YEAH..he is now feeling better and less clumsy trying to change her babygirl diapers...He did give her a bath the other night...and that was hilarious...he wouldn't even talk or joke around...trying to concentrate so hard not to drop her or her hurt her neck...lol....he kept shushin' the boys as they were chattering around him...even scooted them out the bathroom....Hilarious...just hilarious...

He is sooooo loving that girl...sooooo loving her...

heck,..jjust writing that brings tears to my eyes...After all the hayle i've been through in my last relationship, what seems like 100 yrs ago....He has made up for...He is soooo NOT perfect....but man....he is great for me....Fits Me...and seems to Get me....he is sucha hard working man...and such a loving father...and husband....I love him soooo much....He never makes me feel incompetent as a mom...nor "falling short' as a woman...he makes me feel GORGEOUS even on my horrible dress down dirty, sleep deprived but still determined & deligently trying to breast feed" momma days..

Ntway....what a difference TIME can make in a person's life...Yrs ago....I never would have thought that before i even made 30 yrs old...I;d be a mother of 4 biological children...let alone married...to the Dad of them all....and LET ALONE being the legal guardians to 3 lil girls in addition....God has really filled my plate full.....and I am amazed that he thought this single...dancin' & performin' addicted Lil Lady like myself could/would settle down to even want to give up...all that...to be a mom and a a wife...back then at a young age...WOW....

Ntway...this is one ramblin' piece right now...and later I';ll coem back with some more measured sense...Right now I;m sooo hormonally postpartum'ing...and too sentimentally feeling scary Blessed towards how my Husband is just hangin' in there...and pitchin' in when he feels "less scared' to hold this tiny lil Miss Thang...But, I love when he does that Bill Cosby sheepishly proud closed mouth sly slick grin...when he tells people...He had a lil girl and that she is beautiful...People then usually give him Daps and punch him in his shoulder/arm.....BBBBBooooiiiii...Now you Known your gonna have to keep your guns unlocked and loaded..eps after they acually see her...Awwww...tell Mr. Diamond...His lil girl's gonna be a heartbreaker and he better get ready now...lol..I love when he says...if any lil guy ctually gets through her Big Brothers...first...and he has to deal with them...that he'll be ready...already has his 21 questions ready....and ready to chaperone any dates...( Man, I feel SORRY for her already....hee-hee-hee-hee !!!)

Ntway.,,,,life is great in that end...but on the other end...man, she still won't sleep right...or on MY schedule...theee late night crybaby attacks are getting OLD..and yeah..sometimes...she wakes up the whole household...and man, if anybody out there has lil TWEEN to Teen age DTR'sknows they don't like to be awaken real eqarly like that...AND have to try to make school....I will say...the oldest Lil Niecey has been my godsend...as mean as she can be...but man...She has stayed up with me and helped rock, pace with the Screamin' Babygirl she outs her IPOD on and her microphones and will just rock with that lil chica...I have appreciated that....Poor Mr. Diamond Big Daddy has tried to help some nights but has awaken in the mornikng almost :LATE for real for work...just exhausted...So we try to let him get his sleep if he can...

Man...let me stop talking about this Lil She-Devil...with the amazing LUNGs....Lawdy can she Cry...relentlessly...even the dogs look at her...like she has them beat...screamin & howlin' like a Banshee.....so i think....

Ntway...she is all clean...and curled up in her bassinet in a curl like babies do...and me...I'm about to get up off this computer...check Sunday dinner melting away in the crock pot...a xchicken roaster for them, veggies steamed and some rice, soem stuffin' and cranberry sauce...made some homemade yeast dinner rolls...and freshly made lemonade awaits the church goers...There's some left over pie from Big Momma's Thanksgiving meal...there for their dessert...Me...I;m on the eating grind to keep losing the baby p.h.a.t....just a spinach souffle for me...water and a bowl of mixed fresh fruit...Yum..Yum...and later hitting the treadmill...before i "call myself" gonna lay down tonight (if the Princess allows someone else to hold her besides me..) and when I have more helping hands in the house...I have lost quite a bit so far but still have about 20 more lbs to lose...lost about 14...and that's in less than a month....THANK GOD FOR BREAST FEEDING....And the ALL NIGHT PACING this lil girl has me doing...even the "bad part" is turning out to be ...a God send....at least in the weight loss department...Now...Mr. Diamonds LOVEs the added weight because everytime i get pregnant my breast get even bigger and i sport some serious DD's.....he loves the way my hips and buns feel all full....he is sick...hee-hee-hee-hee...But...I tell him for me...I don't feel comfortable with this much added weight on me...so i have to get back down as close as my norm...which he begrudgingly understands...but he does..very nicely say...he loves me either whichaway...but that i shouldn't be afraid or get sad if i can't lose it...that i still look beautiful to him...which is nice and what a girl wants to hear esp after having a baby...but man...I just don't know if my body could handle the additional weight for keeps...Shoot, I wish I had the AMAZING "Now You See It...Now You Don't" type baby fat weight loss that Angelina Jolie has....and she justahd twins and lost that weight seemingly within a mere few weeks post birthing them....WOW.,....what's wrong with me,I can't lose like that....that soon ...that quick....but i will eventually...it is coming opff but not that dang quick...whoa...!!!

Ntway....why the poor Hubby and my Brother heaved that Treadmill up to my bedroom vs way down in the den exercise room area...so i can use it while hybernating up in the bedroom with the lil Screamer Babygirl Chica...They folded that thing up and carefully hauled it upstairs...and my thighs and buns so appreciate it...I unfold it, pull it away from the wall it sits up near...roll it in front of the TV and get to running on it while watching my favorite shows...sometimes i forget how long i may be on the dang thing...because I just watch and run...like esp when TVLand for some reason is running CSI shows all back to back...i can lose track of time...then of course Lil Mama wakes up with her no turning off screaming with NO SNOOZE control




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[*] posted on 12.4.2008 at 11:52 PM


I just had to pop in and post this quickie....I just took a pic of Mr. Diamond....sound asleep...but that Lil Girl of his laying across her daddy chest/stomach...also sound asleep...both thier mouths gaped open....aaawwwww....his hand all protectively still holding her in place....aaawwww.....And, I don't know why he allowed this or how it happened...but all our lil boys are sprawled out all over our King sized master bed.....just spread eagle...all sleeping....like some bugs in a rug....I hate to disturb them...so....UGH....


I'm gonna log off and I'mma go curl up next to all of them...Shoot, not gonna do harm for them all to sleep in our bed tonight...lol...not a habit in our household..so why not...They all look so peaceful...and..content...all sound asleep....Man, I get so sentimental easy...such a sap i am...lol...BUT, I'm a witness to the fact that there is...no amount of cold cash or check child support that can ever replace....hard core, human parental direct mano y mano TLC touch and baby/child bonding time...like this...I'm out....:clap:

Peace :gn:




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[*] posted on 12.13.2008 at 09:36 PM


Lil pissed..and don't know if I'm mentally working myself up for nothing...

Mr. Diamond has some of his old college buddies in town this weekend downstairs in the family den area...the lil nieces and our lil Diamond Boys are over at his Mom's for the weekend..BigMomma Diamond likes to get all her grands for a weekend at least 2 a month....this is one of those times....and...well....Lil Babygirl Diamond is here with me....

I went down as a courtesy earlier to say hello...make sure they had some snacks and food to munch on...drinks and Mr. Diamond handlin't the bar for light drinks..beer..etc...

Ntway...I;m down there call myself being sociable...and friendly...wasn't gonna stay...just not try to be anti-social, and ish...

So about 2 or 3 of his friends down there..start..."teasing"...uh..joking.....calling me...Mr. Diamond's "Crip" or Lil Crip....and his Tinkerbell to His Peter Pan..mess...even ...even called me Bunny....shoot one of them nutts even said...Man she still looks like Miss. Jessica Rabbit....( the hayle, I just havd a baby,gimme a break..GROW UP)...Now, okay...let me stop trippin all outta context...and let me back up...these guys I've known about for a while..met them way back when we were jusstarting out seriously dating...and yes,..they always called me these nicknames or similar...even the boring obvious one "Miss Dimples.....BUT..for some reason...today..this evening...it bothered me...like how do they still see me as those nicknames when...Mr. Diamond and i are married...They teased him so bad about being "domesticated" now...and how we don't need to be together during the winter,cool months..because Lil Diamonds always...come out later....They couldn't believe Mr. Diamond is the Father of Four"little people"..Tho' they did say how cute they were...esp Lil Miss Lady...they teased Mr. Diamond that aside form Momma's dimples...how the boys look like he carried them babies"...type thing...in a more "manly way of course...I'm summizing (sp)....I mean they reacted like that was the SURPRISE of the century...onr of the 7 - 8 Wonders of the World...amazing....

They did say tho' (and this is my vain side coming out...lol..bare with me too..because i KNOW i have bouts of postpartum depression right about now....so many lil seemingly "compliment" is appreciated even if I assume it's a compliment....still..okay...I need to hear it...hee-hee-hee-hee..i crack myself up...)....

But they did say...."Awwww, dog.... man...I can't blame you though...if my (insert their female relationshchicks name here) "wife".."girlfriend " looked like Mizzzzz Diamond...I'd have a houseful of lil ones too....I know....i know...can be taken either whichaway....I'll delude myself and take it as a back slap compliment...of sorts...way my post preggo body has been feeling lately....

Mr. Diamond..just shook his head...adn told them to behave..and "don't say that ish, man" type thing..but not with any real BASS VOICE CONVICTION...in it...just all luke warm...milk toast like...

For some reason....it bothered me...back in the day...apparrently they used to think I "changed Mr. Diamond whenever I came around him...like ...Kryptonite..aka the nickname they gave me of "Crip"... or Lil Crip....(that sounds so GANG like...they are so silly sometimes...but their his college "boooyyysss"....My Brother Dame..aka Damien..is also down there...and he really didn't say ish either...deferring to my "Husband" to handle it..i guess...Shoot, he was no better...he called me/Mr. Diamond .. "The ole Jeffersons on a crack Love fest" with his old booty butt.......lol..hee-heee...then....

Ntway...at some point..when do men NOT say stuff when one of their boys does marry a "woman-wife"....the nicknames...man...is that how they SEE me....as just...heck ...i really don'ty know and truth be told Mr. Diamond has never really explained the REAL meaning behind them teasingly referring to me as Mr. Diamond..."Bunny rabbit"...or Tinkerbelle...Crip (take that back, on this one he told me what them "clowns" meant by it...all in fun...yeah...okay....right.....


I'm probably taking this WWWWaaaayyyyy to "serious"....but I hope they have some kinda way..respect for me...I mean i can take teasing..but...well...there is not ..but.....I'm probably just being "hormonal" about it...Mr. Diamond usually says "people' are just messin'...no harm type thing...call themselves..bringing the jokes...Mr. Diamond does say...hsi friends think I'm pretty cool...nice...and all that....okay...we'll see..


Man, I make myself sick when I probably am taking things way outta proportion...esp when I am either preggos...or post-preggos...like i get even more super sensitive...UGH....get a grip already....Diamond...get a grip....


Edit...

Mr. Diamond just popped his Big Dome-skeeee in the bedroom doorway..winked at me...and said..." Boss lady, the boys wanna go hit the pool hall tonight....and how he was gonna "ride out with them " if that's okay....Looking over at his sleeping... ((( FINALLY !!!!)))..... lil Daughter...Man-O-Boy...The BOYS are BACK...... IN...TOWN.....dang...whateva (voice of a Valley girl)....I mumbled that it was okay....lol..he didn't even skip a beat...lol..in the shower now....whistlin' all happy like Uncle Remus....lawdy....listen to me...hee-hee-hee-hee-hee....callin' my baby names...

I'm smelling like some jealousy...and i admit it....Mr. Diamond has soooo many friends...here.,...out of state...and they love to pop by and visit....hang out....Boys Night and stuff...his college crew are very close knit...very....tight....why can't girls be tight like that...for real..without the cat fights that break out er' now and again...

NTway...again...WHAT- EVA !!!! he has been a trooper...and been home with all of us...he really hasn't had a night out to unwind...hang with his croonies...like before...He does work very hard and ..shoot...i trust the ole' lug-nutt.....

He'll have fun ...plus my Bro- Damien is going and no way Mr. Diamond would "get outta pocket".....so what-eva...Go and enjoy....




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[*] posted on 1.20.2009 at 09:51 PM


Wow....all I can say...is wow....


This has been a day...Michelle is In Da House..first Black First Lady...YEAH !!!

NTway....I say WOW for many reasons...the main one is....

I MISS MY BABY...and I did'n't think I would this much...I mean..we are married..see each other every day...BUT...he is in D.C....His Birthplace...went to all the inauguration hoopla..that is D.C...he left out last Wednesday...he, his Mom/Pops...our 3 little boys...My Auntie Zee/Uncle Earl...and my Bro Damien ut his wife couldn't get off work..so she stayed here, home..Those TWO LOOSE in the City of D.C...They're Ole' Stompin' Grounds....is all Hayle Breakin' Loose.....UGH....I stayed home for many reasons...one Our Lil Babygirl..Lil Momma...too cold to go to D.C...and well...I'm letting Obie grow on me...but aside from the color of his skin....someof his politics...are too social democracy for me..too Big Gub trying to run things in the guise of helpin the masses...etc..etc,..etc..

BUT...that is neither here nor there...

NTway...Bunch of 'em left outta here...Now the women were going to stay Aunt Shirley';s house which is in D.C...and jjust visit fam up there from Maryland to D.C...Of course stop by their Alma Mater...Howard U....UGH....They have been acting crazy stupid...havin' fun and partying...connecting with old friends from their college days...drinking too day'em much...but foot loose and fancy free...Now, his Momma/Pops/ Aunties/Relatives has been watching over the Boys and i hear the Boys made a Big Impression on the fam up there...AAawwww...apparently one of the really elderly Aunties...grand-aunties...just fell in love with them...spoiling them...But before all this hoopla broke loose...They did their sight seeing and took pics of the event spots way before..like last week..and the boys got to see all that and pics taken...My baby boys didn't go to the actual inauguration of course...but what will they know...lol..they sat at home with Big Momma Diamond, (Mr. Diamond's mom) bunch of his side of the fam D.C, Maryland folks who didn't want to whether the weather so they planned a lil Viewing party of the inaugural, My BOYs playing with the other lil cousins & kids of fam up there...

Ntway....

I declare...though this Man has called me and texted me...often...there was a period where i didn't hear from him for about a day.....I thought I was gonna die...UGH....But he is having such a BALL...and well...UGH...now,i'm a lil jealous..

He had soooo many GF's up in D.C ssooo many...and I sent him looking like and packed to look like a Million Bucks...and packed some really good "smell good" (cologne) along with his stuff....WHY...am I feeeling a lil jealous...He did admit they ran into quite a few "exes...to frat to soror sisters connected to their frat...then almost got "mad" at me...for asking him...If he ..well..okay...i'll admit..it...i did facetiously and bluntly blurt out...Did he Sleep with any of them...BOY you could've heard a PIN drop....He was like..."STOP......dat"..." da phluck that come from..."

hee-hee...ok...not funny at the time...so you know a lil arguement ensued...I couldn't stop sulkin'...and putting my foot deeper in my mouth....with the..."well...they're you're exes....they prolly think...why not...your looking good...smelling like money...and "she" (me" ain't there...what she don't know won't hurt her' (her=me)...UGH...Then i went for the verbal jugular...and said..besides what they sa about D.C chicks is they share 2-3-4 men...'cause men so scarce....They had you once...why not AGAIN....for old times sake....Boy ...was I making him mad....AND...

here's the kicker....

I felt like it was an outta body experience...My Brain was tellin;' my mouth to just STFU..NOW !!! and I could see myself sitting on the couch...sulkin'...and feel my mouth STILL talkin' and accusing him...UGH....

He got dead silent....and last we talked he just said...I'll call you tomorrow...I can't believe your saying this ish..How dumb do you think i am...sitting here with MY BOYS...and MY MOMMA and my Daddy and all my Fam here...YOUR BROTHER's right the phluck here...How dirty do YOU REALLY THINK I AM.....Go to bed...I'll talk to you later..."

and he hung up.....LONG DISTANCE...and he hangs up on me....

WHOA...was i crying like a baby last night....I couldn't eat...i couldn't sleep...THANK GOD..yeah I;'mma give her ..her PROPS....but man...My eldest lil niecey...took over the Lil Momma for me...got her bathed,fed and dressed for bed at least...Lil Momma DECIDES WHEN SHE ACTUALLY WILL "GO TO BED...LET ALONE GO TO SLEEP....UGH...

But...Man-O-Boy...I made them nervous last night..all the nieces were like what's wrong..Auntie D...what's wrong..Me walking around the house like Kathy Bates in Misery...all sad...and "weird"...cockydoodle-ish...crazy....I was sooo in saddddd....UGH...."Misery"....Mad ,too because I try to not say "crazy accusations and play that 'jealous act" "insecure" to just crazy " I'll Bust Da Window's Outcha' Car Type Girl stuff...Heck, i can't stand that weak GAME in women , MYSELF...and here I go for the Academy Award...of ACCUSATIONS...and winning the Olympics for "Jumpin' To Conclusions"....on some mind playing tricks on me tip....UGH....

So the morning rolls around...Niecey's get up and off to school..Lil Momma lookin at me look at her...look at me...I'm still NO MAKEUP...Hair piled up on my head like a day'em Medusa....sweat pants and sloppin' around in some slippers....BUMMED the F out...

phone rings ...at 7:00am....

It's......HIM....

He says....

"Hey, wife.....how you doin'...."


UGH.....I melt and just start crying like a day'em criminal finally confessing to a crime...

he goes....sssshhhh....it's ok......sssshhh....you know your azz is crazy right...ssssshhhh....

I sniffle...and try to apologize for trippin'....but he just says...I called to tell you 3 things...1- I love your crazy azz and Yo' yeah you stupid...2- My exes are my EXES for a REAL GOOD REASON...TRUST THAT...3- R U Serious....that ish is not even in my head...You have no reason to even bring that kinda ish up...you don't realize what you're workin' with....AND...I'm NOT THAT CARELESS AND STUPID...dON'T DO THAT ISH...I "hate that" you had me messed up all night...now, I gotta go 'cause they're ushering us "somethin' somethin' (couldn't make it) blah-blah-blah.. and I really can't be on this phone...I'll call you later, I love you always but I gotta go......." then the lines got staticky(sp)...because he was in a crowd...and the line dropped.....

UGH...haven;t heard from him since,though..figure they;re all out still celebrating...because my Bro Dame did call...and fussed at me...with the..." Stop trippin'...Everythings cool...and give his lil niece a kiss for me...and the MAIN thing he was asking my size...which My baby already knows..but hey...and first I asked him which "size? size? and started to give him my ring size..which he was like Wha',dang you're tiny, Sis...and I said..."Oh..uh...that's my ring size, knucklehead....He fell out laughing...said he was about to call me thumbelina...(you can tell he's raising little girls in his home who have him wrapped around their lil pretty fingazzz..Both Daddy's Girls..Talkin' 'bout some Thumbelina...lol.....what grown big azz Q-Dogg knows anything about some Thumbelina...hee-hee-hee-hee....Ntway...sounds like he;'s getting me some souvenoir...Lawdy..watch it be some Obie T-Shirt...in spite of me saying I respect the man...but weary of some of his voiced politics...My Fam/Friends are determined to make me a FAN of the ole " Obie- One "Yes We Can" Kon- No-Be.....they are determined to make me love him...lol...

Ntway....people say men don't gossip...but evidently in order for my Brother to call tosay...everything 's cool..stop trippin..Mr. Diamond..may have..must have mentioned something...Gossipy men...but and YES...I KNOW...IN KNOW...They were and are BFF's...since Freshman yr at Howard U...pledged together...line bro's...been thru thick and thin...caused some H E L L Raisin' all up and down the east coast...and part of west coast...Always been there for each other....PERIOD....Fuss and Trash Talk with Each other since DAY ONE....and still hang Thick as Thieves and Thugs...lol...Broke hearts all over Howard and all that....and prolly vowed to take some of their really Dynamic Duo Hot Mess.....to The Grave...


but still......


I'm...*** gulp *** ....Mr. Diamond's ....wife...
:ummm:








( UGH....But on the real talk tip....I know this man betta call me before the night's out...at least text me...update me on my Babyboys he has up there...eventhough I KNOW they';re in good hands...Auntie Zee's and His Momma are up there with them,...but still....Okay..Okay...Okay...I admit it...I NEED to HEAR his VOICE....I am thirsty for it...UGH....))

which is why I started this vent...with Wow....all I can say...is wow........How deep am I into this Man.....what the hayle is wrong with me....weird...lol...like MISERY...How DARE he Make me Be EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO HIM LIKE THIS...HOW DARE HE...HOW....DARE....HE....:uglyazzwoman:

I should Hobble him when he comes home...ALL 3 THREE "Jacklegs".... :rolling:...:rofl:...




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[*] posted on 1.28.2009 at 10:16 PM


Boy...I love my husband...just love him...He keeps me crackin up with his fussin' self...King of Trash Talkin' self...lol...He is something...and yeah this is gonna sound sappy...but...man...I love how he respects me and makes me feel...***gulp**** pretty safe...esp when he is HOME.....i sleep soooo much better...and sounder....when he's HOME !!!

(ok...him owning some guns doesn't hurt....lol...)

All I have right now...all i have....




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[*] posted on 2.1.2009 at 06:07 PM


Lawdy....I'm headed out of here...sooon....I'm a football widow...His friends are starting to call up and pile in...lol...

Boy..SUPERBOWL...weekend...This Man of mine is in pig slop heavy...He does have a lot of friends...and my crazy brother Damien is already down there....

Ntway....My job here is done...All the food is set up...drinks and his bar is stacked...lawdy...

I don't know why I'm not into F-Ball..like that...he forgives me this...lol...Ntway he will have to whole house to himself and his croonies...They will eat...drink..talk ish...and hoot-holler...over plays...


The lil nieces went over their various friends houses...they'll be back by 8:00....school night...Our lil Boys are over my other Brother's house with all his many kids and his wife...and my other sis in law...whole gaggle of kids..babysitting..while they're hubbies...my brothers are here...to watch the game...Our boys LOVE going over Antoine's house because they have kids near their age and toys...toys...video games...and food...coming out the woodwork...I love my sister in law(s)....they're pretty cool...chica's...they give me a break often....

So...Lil Momma Diamond and I are headed down to Auntie Zee's...we'll probably just chill out....Uncle Earl is out with some of his old school friends at one of their houses...old school watching the game...I love my Auntie Zee...I can go down there and just chill...and not have to do a bunch of socializing and what not...mentally just relax...She does love herself..Miss...Lil MommaDiamond...ole' babygirl...she says she looks just like me...aaawwww...So...Im headed down there...with my lil babygirl..let the man have the house to entertain all them men down there...lol...The economy is rough...;cause this yr folks were calling out the woodwork...I guess the cover charge going to a sports bar...has gotten ridiculous...besides...I do know his friends do like cominfg over here..our house is very Friend...friendly...they know they can just come, make themselves at home..and ..chill..

Ntway...I'mma sports widow today...and will holla up in here later...

I have no idea which team to root for...lol..maybe Pittsburgh..only because it's a PA city..and I;m from PA...but Philly...close enough ..:tu: Pittsburgh it is....lol.......

peace....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:wave:




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td.gif posted on 3.8.2009 at 09:37 PM
Just when i thought I heard enough about Ree-Ree and Chris Bree


A BLOG DEDICATED TO MY GIRL "JAY"...LET IT GO, MA...PLEASE...

Just gonna jump in it here...LONG ONE FULL OF MEMORIES NOW...thanks to my GF and this whole day'em, Rhianna-Chris Mess...


This is soooo weighing heavy on my heart...and mind...It is LONG...and Painful for me...But i must get ti off my chest...and I will probably DELETE this whole thing come the morning tomorrow...

ntway...here goes...cathartic relief...for yet another time..thanks to my Gf who keeps calling me...for some...closure...geez...please...forgive ya'self my sista..because for me...you did nothing wrong and thus no need to accept any apology of tears

One of my long time BFF is stationed in D.C @ Walter Reed Army Med Center...She keeps calling me in TEARS...and such REMORSE....My girl, my sista-gal...my heart......she is/was one of my college quad dorm roommates we were part of the 4 musketeers...One has since passed away...(may you R.I.P Mya)...UGH....sigh...sniff...

But fast forward to now....seems after hearing ,reading seeing all these news stories about Chris and Rhianna and the beatdown 'felt across the world"...My GF can't stop texting me and e-mailing me...and even calling me when she gets off her shifts...just to talk...She has really just cried her eyes out....and apologized so deeply that she had me crying all over again...She apologized for introducing me to Cowboy..aka (I'll just call him) "R"...R used to be her cadet COL over her Battalion/company/platoon, squad in Army R.O.T.C at our college...he was the TOP Cadet Dogg....running all that...and just cadet student decorated and making a name for himself...

This story can get too long and well honestly...i just don't have the feeling about it to recall all those details...like how we finally were introduced to the first time we made love to the first time he turned into the ignorant HULK..for me...

Ntway, she has just cried BOTH of US a RIVER of TEARS with her apology and her saying she can;t get th memory of the whole shituation out of her head..not feeling like she did enough to help me...to stop him...could have reported him...just the whole 9 of self inflicted guilt feelings she has about My story...that HAUNTS her story...her life...i guess..

In my wildest nightmares i would NEVER want MY LIFE to HAUNT someone elses LIFE...

where their mind or souls are still restless , unsettled..from a self inflicted sense of guilt...dread...or that weird feeling like "you forgot to do something -ism"...that gut, butterlfy feeling....She says SHE feels soo responsible for all the abuse that fool did to me...Fool being my ex abusive BF "Cowboy"...She said she looked at Ree-Ree's pics and immediately thought of me...and what she has witnessed with her own eyes on things and stuff he did to me..said about me...physically,emotionally...She said she is sooooo sorry she ever had me even come pick her up from R.O.T.C drill and classes for HIM to even see me..to ask about meeting me...She said she still feels soooo bad about him flipppin on me..yet in public R.O.T.C building he was ssooo respected and looked up to by the other cadets and the real army commanders..teachers...yet to me ...he was a nightmare...and "The Black Devil" as my girl calls him...

I have told her to please let it go....he is doing what he does Army Officer, married and 3 kids all girls..and she said he named the last one,his lil girl "Diamond " but spelled.."Dymon"..stupid.....But, I told her...PLEASE LET IT GO....and tried to tell her that most likely...BUT for that shituation..i may NEVER have gotten even closer with my then just somewhat older Best friend.."Mr. Diamond"...but for all that drama that happened..he may have never decided that HEY...who's messin' with my babygirl...and say...'come to my rescue.." and yeah..prolly se me as a GROWN woman...now...albeit...his frat best friends...baby sister...who always was huggin' him and squeezing on him like a pesky lil sister does...whining about wanting something and he go buy it...lol...He may have always JUST seen me as his Play Lil Babysister who was away at college doing the college chick thing..like he had done the college boy thing just few yrs prior...

BUT..nope my GF just can't accept the fact that I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER HOLD HER EVEN REMOTELY PART OF THE BLAME/EVENTS OF MY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MESS in college even if just by circumstances she did introduce us...who knew we intiially would like each other like that...heck, he kept asking her about me...and she finally relented and asked me if i wouldn't mind meeting the "Prodigal Son of the R.O.T.C builidng...we met...and went out that same night...and just by vibin'..yeah he and i were inseparable...for a while...

I PROMISED HER I NEVER THINK OF HER IN REFERENCE TO PART OF THE DV...AND That I wished the ree-ree-chris story diodn't make her think of me...and ole' Big Dummy..."R"

She just kept reminiscing and replaying her memories of times where she felt she should've,could've,would've done something...I told her to STOP IT....she remembered the time she walked in on us but HE had his forearm across my throat almost choking me to death...I remember I was in tears,crying and mad and he was in rage, low cursing me out in my day'em ear and mad...and it was being forced on me...after we'd just had a long repetitive arguement of accusations from him about me..But I remember THIS time that she keeps remembering because she was supposed to be staying at her college BF's that weekend..but she changed her mind...but i remember the look on her face when she came in...saw me on the floor and him all over me...BUT..her appearance scared him off me....and he kept saying..he was drunk..and that we were just playing...okay..enough..enough.,.enough...

Whoa...UGH...STOP !! STOP IT !!! ERASE THIS FROM MY MIND.....I'm not gonna go back to all that..STOP...GO AWAY MEMORY !!! I am soo in a DIFFERENT Place in my Life right now...Bunk all these memories...

Ntway..fast forward...my GF last week calling me with this "Girl, forgive me pleas"...So i finally get her to stop crying and recalling the "signs" she felt she should have seen with me waaaayyy before it became obvious to our close circle of friends that his azz was getting crazy about me I mean CRAZY STUPID MEAN..Crazy= HORRIBLE....nobody would've believed me anyway..because he epitomized a solid, straight decorated lil ole Excellent Cadet R.O.T.C Col...large and in charge..could do no wrong in his commanders and fellow cadets eyes....

So when I look at Rhianna's face..esp her lips...and black eyes around the eye...and yeah...it reminds me of my weakest point in my life- me...the car fights, in his apartment the fights..seemed liked he'd really get buck wild and hitting me on certain days like the weekends...he'd go ape shytte on me..BUT do just enough hits/slaps,punches on my face arms say come Friday nights just enought to bruise BUT not hard enough to leave marks that wouldn't fad enough away for makeup come Monday...Shoot me and Fashion Fair to Mac make-up were some best friends...now my back and ribs and thighs were a different story...He'd just bum rush and bruise my lil azz up..all where ..clothes hide those....darker bruises and scars.....BOY...I was sooo dumb....This dude hated my guts...and i thought i could change him....thought...if I just if I just showed that I "loved" him..he would see i was NOT doing him wrong or being WRONG to him...but nothing helped...His jealousy and suspicions..accusations were off the chain....

Why'd I "stay"..keep taking him back..keep going back...Who knows...Sick Azz Mind Games and The Whole Cycle of DV with someone you think you "like/love"...the promises to change..the pleas that they can't live without you...the gifts..the messages and begs form other people letting you know "he's a mess with outcha' girl..at least talk to him"..all that..peer pressure...Forget the FACT that I HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO...I WAS IN FRIGGIN' COLLEGE FOR GOSH SAKES..AWAY FROM HOME,OUT A STATE....NO FAM..COLLEGE FRIENDS ONLY WHO MOST WERE NOT FROM THERE...MY WHOLE SCHOOL CAREER STUDIES...I'M TRYING TO GET DONE..Living in a day'um dorm...not too many places to hide..nor seek help...could run but couldn't hide...and day'em sure didn't want to TELL my Fam..esp my Auntie Zee..lawdy..I was TOO ASHAMED...EMBARASSED...UGH... YOUNG AND DUMB...

NTway....I have no idea what to tell my GF...she is like my sister and i wish she was NOT still torn up about this...I cried with her begging her to let go of any guilt...that I don't even need to say this..because she did NOTHING wrong...NOTHING...To Blame her is to SHIFT the Blame from Myself...I told her...heck...I was the one getting my azz kicked and feelings crushed and self esteem stomped on and even I never said a word to his commanders...DUMB me, thinking i was not going to "get him in trouble"...'send another black man to jail" thinker...i was so stuck on that same old stupid Black female trying to support Blackmanhood just TOO STUPID THINKING WITH THE BLIND LOYALTY too Black men...that while "not gonna send another Black Man t jail shytee...sick mentality....I told her i was the ONE who did the most in hiding the TRUTH.....

She even apologized for all of my quad mates my 3 girls...accidentally snooping around my room...worried about me...and ish...but Mya (may she R.I.P.) "finding my journal and 'accidentally on purpose...jimmin' the clasp of it (it was always loose, Divine intervention i guess made it not lock that day)...but my girls read my last entries...UGH...and in each day...I know what it said verbatim..."Please God don't let him Kill Me today"...and then i would start my entries...BOY..did I spill it all in that journal...all of it...They said they read it up until the point where i met the nut...yeah thru My Girl...but irrelevent...That's when my girls got the brilliant idea to rummage some more...find..Mr. Diamond's phone number , as he lived in Atlanta then BUT they already knew from me that he was coming here for a Greek thing tomorrow..So......they called him...reminded him who they were, which he already knew..he'd met all of them....Then ole Miss "emotional" Mya...took charge and just started telling Mr. Diamond all they for sure now confirmed via my own words in my journal..all the mess that Cowboy had or was doing to me...Crybaby "Loved her to death " Miss ya...beggin Mr. Diamond to come to our state and help them get me out of the shituation as i was denying ish or lying to them about any bruises they saw on me when hanging out or changng clothes..TRUE 'cause I would lie and tell them i got bruised up in Dance class...lifted too hard...or grabbed to rough my a partner....accidentally kicked near my eye...all lies...I think what really got them concerned was..i was losing BIG WEIGHT...I was getting down from a 2 to a 0...and man they met me at a 7/8 to 5/6....I was too scared and nervous to eat towards the end...Now, my girl Ava...was the one who told Mr. Diamond that she thought i might try to kill myself...or that I thought or wrote that "I hope he doesn't kill me today, lord.."..so she was upset...and then my girl who calls me to this day...said she told Mr. Diamond...that she was willing to "catch a charge for me.." and risk her R.O.T.C career...since she felt guilty for even introducing me to this DEMON....

I will never forget the very next day...a Friday...Iwalked in from my last late class and there they all were...sitting in our quad...with Mr.Diamond...who normally would be looking at me all Big Brother like..and yet allow me to run up on him and squeezen his guts out...then ask for my Mr. Goodbar he'd ALWAYs have to get me...BUT NOT this time...I was too tired...and He was NOT PLAYING WITH ME...the look on his face....like he was about to cry...but such disbelief.....I just remember being so sick to my stomach..from all their looks...and asking...What's Going on...

My girls all teary eyed and sad looking...I'm looking at Mr. Diamond who is /was MY HEART...MY ROCK..My PlayBrother for LIFE...RIDE or DIE...My first dang grown brother crush...looking at me...like he was just seeing the REAL ME for the FIRST TIME...DISAPPOINTED...HURT...AND WORSE....ANGRY BEHIND HIS EYES....like he caught me cheating on him with all his frat or something...just that look...of ..hhmm..can't even explain it...

Ntway...my girls all looking sad...wet azz faces like they were crying and ish...they slowly get up...and make up some excuse why they have to leave...In my mind, I'm thinking why they mad at me...Now mind you I was still wearin this black sunglasses due to a "fight" Cowboy had with me few days befroe...had a lil residual bruising still BUT my hair and the shades covered up the purple-bluish ness...I was wearing my hair like Aaliyah back then like my avatar..and those shades..som peeps just thought i was trying to be cool...All i remmeber eyeball adjustinmg to was seeing my journal on my bed...and Mr. Diamond...patting for me to come sit down....and he swinging his chair backwards to face me face to face and demanding i take off the shades...an d Talk To Me...WTF is Going on ...Don't lie to me...I need to hear you tell me...WTF is going on with you....Diamond , I swear to G...Don't.... lie... to... me..( OR as he really said it...don't blow smoke up my azz)....Talk To Me...and he's looking at my journal to me....Boy he was sooo NOT PLAYIN WITH ME...and man, Iloved me some Mr. Diamond..he was my soulmate..my confidante..and i NEVER told him a ny of this...BUT...

I cried and caved and told it all....

Man....the rest is history....i will never know where he went after he heard my full story..inspected my face...my eye...my head...all over...he got real quiet...and supportive...but said..He had some runs to do...Did I need anything...I think i said some soup...he made me my chicken flavored Ramen Noodles all calm, cool collected...got me settled in..told me to just get some sleep..he'd be back in a while...I was soo exhausted and tired and wasn't planning to leave anyway..esp since i knew Cowboy had his Frat stuff to get ready for too..for the next nights Greek event....He'd already told me if he caught my azz out ...was all he had to say....I was already resigned to staying in that Friday....


I didn't see mr. Diamond until day'em near 12:00 A.M or was it closer to 2:00 A.M...dont; really remember but it was early in the morn and I had been sleeping the night away....Weight lifted off my shoulder from relationship exhaustion and pressure...and yeah...Pain...just a Feeling of Relief....BUT, looking at him looking a me..I knew he was tired and he was still not in the mood for no playin'..not the time...not the place.....But my girls snuck him in...and he got me together and we left...Said I was staying with him tonight...that was the first time we ever stayed at a hotel together...nothing happened...but he crashed on the lil side couch thing and i had the bed to myself...

Seriously...I HAVE NEVER SEEN COWBOY IN PERSON TO THIS DAY....I didn't go to that Greek thing that weekend...I just was not feeling it...and was so exhausted...every bone in my body ached and my mind was so overwhelmed...Big Diamond HAD to go, but he didn't do the afterpartying like he normally may have done .....We stayed at that hotel the whole weekend and in think I just slept the whole weekend away....he just stayed with me all up nder his arm..watching cable on that hotel TV...he'd wakle me to eat something,that's what o remember.....BUT come that late Sunday afternoon before he left to go back to Atlanta...I did receive all my belongings back from him from every bit of music to every bra and panties...and a a lot of Pics of me ONLY..lol..none of any Diamond w Cowboy pics and there used to be plenty of 'em....but ..all my ish dumped in a box...but...MINE.....Big Diamond...left out late that Sunday night...and told me to stay away from the ROTC building unless absolutely necessary that i have to go to that side of the yard...which i didn't...he gave me numbers to people to call if Cowboy even l,ooked like he was trying to contact me....which he never did again...and i promised Mr. Diamond...I wouldn't go over or near there...really no reason...and i didn't...MY GIRLS also made sure i stayed on the Nursing side to our dorm side...and lol..found out later Mr. Diamond's frat boys were keeping their eye out for me...so yeah.l...I kept my word...

We've never talked about HOW he got Cowboy out of my life..and i must say i was a very impressed because Cowboy didn't listen to just anybody....and Cowboy NEVER tried to directly contact me ever again....just...STOPPED....

Now...Big Diamond has let me cry a river over this afterwards for many months...then he also got me to put it all in perspective....and that's an even longer story....We got even closer and yeah...we crossed some boundaries and months and TIme passed...on....


The Main thing that Slapped some Sense in me was when Big Diamond finally set me straight and asked me after months of rehashing ish and crying and getting all down on myself...he asked me..."OK..OK..Ok...I'm sick of hearing about this N-word (back when he used to say that word,lol)..but he bvasically, calmly...gently...sorta tactfully face to faced me and asked me...

Was I gonna be a Victim of Domestic Violence...or a Survivor of Domestic Violence......how ONLY I can MAKE that choice...what's it gonna be....

Boy for some reason....that oneliner statement....made me stop and think...and process....who am i here...and who really has control NOW of the AFTERMATH of the shituation...

ME.....Survivor....is who I am...and will forever be,...

From people, I have heard that ole Cowboy did graduate went straight into the military...got some chick from his hometown of Delaware preggos before he got stationed.....some chick from HS...married her???....and they have 3 kids all girls...again last one named after ..well..has a name that sounds like mine...but spelled different...Me Diamond..she Dymon...you be the dang judge...all i know...except yeah he's still Military Officer and his coveted goal...82nd Airborne

BOY....I HAVE GOT TO STOP TORMENTING MYSELF LIKE THIS...let it GO....I can't lie though...I do want closure and I do want to slap the ish outta him...if i could...I do want to poke his day'em eye out....I do want to bust him upside his head and shake the ish outta him and ask him......WHY DID HE KEEP TRYING TO DESTROY...ME....DID HE HATE ME THAT MUCH....WHY DIDN'T HE JUST KILL ME DEAD...AS HURT AS HE HURT ME...AND then i do still want to keep beating myself up and ask myself...WHY DID I KEEP STAYING ??? !!! WHY DID I KEEP ALLOWING HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAN-CRY IN MY SHOULDER AND HAIR TO PLEASE TAKE HIM BACK....how he was just loving me too much and scare he'd lose me...all the flowers...candy....dinners with the whole singing folks coming to the table...even his crazy as proposal...only to snatch that ring off my finger almost breaking it...in the process...off some dumb mess....i never accepted another of his proposal after that mess...

BUT...Man...

Wrap this up....I told my GIRL...to look at it this way and help me count MY BLESSINGS...IF they hadn't done what they done...I COULD BE DEAD....If they hadn't called Big Diamond and told him...okay yeah snooped but my carelessness, nervousness, not concentrating when putting my journal back in my hiding spot...I may just be DEAD....how their forced intervention after all MY LIES and HIDING...the TRUTH...helped get me the LIFE i have now...the MAN I have now....the whole strength i have now....What didn't kill me has made me stronger...and allowed me to have a healthy relationship...with My Dream Brutha...lol.. who never knew how I was teen crushin' on him...from way back...BUT HIM taking me seriously as a woman...and as he says...

Building his whole world around me......SHOOT...I teasingly told her I ROSE like the Phoenix...lookin and feeling FLY...

She sorta laughed but still said...Dimples,please just know that I love you like whoa...and I just needed to tell you.."I am so sorry for what you went thru...right under my nose...and my "blind eye"....like people are doing about Rhianna...heck..what Rhianna is doing about Rhianna...(something like that)...she said not that i look like Ree but we have the light eye, tan skin thing in common and this DV stuff and she said basically when she saw the pics...how all her "guilt" she still had over MY PAST she "suspected" was going on with Cowboy...how the memories and guilts been haunting her and spooking her and basically... eating her azz up....

I told her...Girl...okay.....I get it.....I get it...and Yes....I love you now..i love ya then....and I forgive you...we will forever be sista's...not just by sorority....but by soulmates...

We have closure on this...Case closed...

++++++++++

Needless to say......since back and forth talking with her....My Hubby has asked why I've been kinda down and out...and well...be honest with ya journal....I just couldn't tell him the deal....This man did something..and I to this day...don't know...what...BUT ...I am eternally grateful..and DO NOT WANT HIM TO THINK..THAT I AM EVEN THINKING OF THE "DEVIL"..IN THAT WAY"...AT ALL...MY HUBS IS MY LIFE AND MY HEART...and he makes me cry just because of HOW he does HIMSELF...how he loves me...and Is Just...

The MAN.....love him...sooooo much....it hurts...UGH...




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[*] posted on 3.8.2009 at 10:32 PM


Oh and the thing i Love about Mr. Big Diamond in all of this besides the obvious...him doing whatever he did to yank my azz out of this abusive situation when i felt stuck in it like quicksand....IS he is protected and respected my space and privacy...the only 'funny thing' about this is...he NEVER read my journal....and Jay said he fussed at them a bit for 'snooping"...said he scolded them like a Big Daddy Warbucks...with the ole'...Ya'll didn't...suspect he was hitting her without having to read her ish...You couldn't tell by her face...her bruisies..her attitude changes..her not hanging with ya'll like that....ya'll know betta type thing...Jay said...she saw why i love talking to him...because he has a way of making people see what they did wrong BUT not in such a manner that you feel like dog doo-doo horriible...NOT in a judgemental way....but a lesson learned, reinforced type way...awww...My baby is good with people....big time...excellent communicator...and Listener...

I LOVE HIM for NOT reading my journal..and am NOT mad at my Girls either, tho' for reading it...(ok yeah initially i felt invaded upon) Reading my journal AND calling my Big PlayBrother Big Diaomond on me all long distance and ish...UGH.......BUT aftermath.when all the smoke cleared....I KNEW My girls..THESE 3 Sista-gal SoulPartna's of Mine were only trying to get at the truth.....they apologized,i forgave them this YRS AGO...) They did what they felt they HAD to do..

ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.....I STRONGLY FEEL....SAVED MY LIFE...

bottom line...and well by any means necessary is just that...by any means necessary....

They ALL SAVED MY LIFE...

and for that i am eternally grateful...and Blessings being prayed upon and counted...


NTWAY...my take....I told myself if./when my Girl Jay calls me this week...with the same ole Haunts...I am just gonna tell her this...that she HELPED SAVE MY LIFE...HELPED GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK....What's to FORGIVE....No Problem here...

Ugh, I do wish i could erase her memories and self inflicted GUILT....but I can't ...heck I only recently was able to talk about my past just a few yrs ago openly on a MB....I still have nightmares and see demons of memories about this too...tho' they are mich less frequent that yrs ago....

Now...my girl drudgin this up again in living color...UGH.....She thinks I am her Rhianna story...UGH....what an example i am...ugh...

Ugh, I do wish i could erase her memories and self inflicted GUILT....but I can't ...heck I only recently was able to talk about my past just a few yrs ago openly on a MB....I still have nightmares and see demons of memories about this too...tho' they are mich less frequent that yrs ago....


This emotion and memories...I DO NOT want to share with Mr. Diamond..Nope, I know how much he "hated" this whole shituation...It SHOOK him big time..He can't talk about it without getting a bit choked up in a manly way...He says it's unbelievable sonsidering my size,weigth vs the exe's whole body mass...It bothers Mr. Diamond..BUT he WILL NOT FEED THE TROLLS ABOUT IT...KEEP GIVING IT LIFE..AND SPACE IN "MY" NOW TIME......so ..nope.....It's best NOT to let Mr. Diamond know that my girl "Mzz. Jay"...has dug up some graves in my mind like a cemetary...just unearthed some demon spirits like vampire-zombies..all Night of the Living Dead all over again...in my head....


Please GOD..don't let me have any more nightmares and talk in my sleep tonight...and if i do...PLEASE let Big Diamond be SOUND asleep so as not to wake him to hear me doing so or tossing, turning...over this Fool...Cowboy...please let me get a good nights sleep...and Please...lay hands on my girl Jays Mind...and help her...release any guilt she apparently still feels..so she won't call me about THIS anymore..or with any more publicized Domestic Violence cases....

I have put it to BED....pleasee give her some peace with this...I AM ALIVE...due to her/others actions...A-L-I-V-E and So Appreciatively HAPPY and HUMBLE about my LIFE today...almost feel guilty because it is pretty dang GOOD....

Please lay your hands on my girls heart...and steady her thoughts....and give her some PEACE of MIND...forgive herself...as I can't forgive someone whose actions and intentions were all about GOOD and Helping ME....!!!

amen....amen....:pray:




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[*] posted on 4.26.2009 at 11:43 PM


^^^^ Wow.....what can I say....Not enough time to update on the above...but will say...afterwards..BOY was there some wrestlin' going on between she and I and me, myself and I....I've got to skip above for right now because my mood is very light and goofy right now..and can't take another tear.....right now...

**** LONG............SIGH...... ***********


Woooooooooo-SSSSSsssaaaaaahhhhhhh :bowdown:

Ok...

What i came in here to do...I just want to THANK GOD ABOVE...for there is no prettier more heartwarming scene than a Black Man and his Kids...and no rthyme or reason why...but a Black Man and his Babygirl...lol...That is the cutest..most sexiest thing to watch....a Black Man Daddy who loves his kids...like a VERB....makes LOVE a VERB...and action word...is sexy as hayle...

Not to always ride my hubs jock like that...LOL....oooohhhh that was nasty graphic...but Man does deserve his Props...I L-O-V-E seeing him play and cuddle and coo with this lil Daughter of ours...He treats her like a dang princess...and I L-O-V-E...to hear her squeal like a pig whenever she notices him...baby squeals and twists turns...Baby shimmy shakes...trying to get his attention...and just Baby smiles, squeals stares at her Daddy...She acts soooo mesperized by his Face and especially his VOICE...she just stares and giggles and squeals...lol...her eyes aree sooo beautiful...clear big and bright like marbles and she has my dimples...head full of curly baby hair...and just loves her daddy....He loves to make her laugh...he loves to hold her...and he smothers her with belly kisses...which she loves...She ..like Me...just can;'t get enough of him...

I love when he holds her in one hand like a football hold whilt talking on his cell phone...but perfect steady grip...daddy multitaskin'...and she has actually fallen sound asleep in that crazy hold...

I love when he just changes her diapers like a Pro...and will give her a bath if i'm soo tired...Now..truth be told...their meal time gets messy..but he takes her spitting em baby peas and carrots out her mouth at whatever is in her aim...like a Champ...I warned him that she does this...but he didn't believe me...First time she had a Food Fight with him...was sooo comical...all of us laughed our butts off esp the nieces who have had to endure this the most as they love to feed her..take turns...But she will spit out what she doesn't like...right in ya face...Make It Rain on ya...

Now..don't get me wrong...Big Diamond and his Lil Sons are a sight to behold also....but they are rough and tough with it...always climbing all over their Daddy and trying to wrestle and punch him like wrestlers off TV...lol..and they get all Boy-ish with it....all the airplane rides to swing around to lifting high in the air and all that...being lifted all crazy and male roughish... just long enough to giggle squeal....all that rough housing Daddy-Son (s) stuff....worm finding and playing with the bugs showing Daddy to us the bugs they find outside...(YUK)....just rough stuff...

BUT when Daddy Diamond gets around that Lil BabyGirl-Diamond...man he gets soft as heck...just sooo gentle with her...and Man...do I love the power she has over him...and the ability to make him laugh so loud when she does any little thing...like he loves when she plays with her hands still...and is trying to raise up on her own at least a belly raise...he thinks how she sleeps is the cutest thing since .....uh....ME !!! (sike....hee-hee)

I just love it...and she knows her Daddy's deep ole voice...sometimes when he speaks it startles her..and has made her cry....which makes him snicker...uh..man snicker...then he'll be the one to want to soother her back into a calm baby...and she when she is really pissed at us...lol..him..for his voice startling her...she makes that same pouty face as the Lion from the Wizard if Oz..which cracks him up...lol...she is royally Lil Princess pissed then and we all know That Look...lol...

I love when he claims that she and I are like Bewitch...because he says we try to put spells on him and the boys...see...Lil babygirl has "funny colored eyes" similar to mommy except mineare lil weirder...lol.. But...hers are really like marbles..so tinted greenish hazelish...and then we have the same depth in our Dimples...when we talk or move our facxe, moiuth ya know..lol...but ,Man...I will admit...when she is staring at somebody...it can be piercingly scary...babystares are something...and when she is just staring at him....as he is staring at her....both of 'em just gazing into each others eyes all goofy on the bed...he usually gives up first...shoot....but that cracks him up...Says she is gonna be a mean ole' something....just mean for the hayle of it....and gonna break lil boys hearts....being the Princess of mean muggin like she has mastered....lol...I can't explain it and just thinking about it...is cracking me up inside...

But here it is late in the wee hr...Me..can't sleep...and YET...what prompted this post is Daddy Diamond and Babyirl Diamond are snuggled up in opur bed...she is sprawled all over her Daddy's chest and he is quietly...snoring...and with each chest rise up...lays his baby girl rising up with each breath...She OBLIVIOUS to his soft snoring...I guess it's like music to her lil baby ears...Now mind you those two have been giggling and playing with each other just before both knocked each other out...after he fed her and she drank her bottle of my breast milk in it, burped and fell dead to sleep...

Ntway...This man has to get up really early tomorrow...Meeting on a Monday and he'll look good as usual leaving out....Just Casket Sharp....lol


and little would anyone suspect that he was up reading baby stories to his lil girl...went in earlier and read his 3 lil boys their SAME OLE FAVORITE 3 bedtime stories...read to lil Baby girl Dee in our bed...watched her watch him..giggled at her coos and awws and smiles...and spell placing...fed her...burped her...checked her diaper...placed her on his chest...positioned her to sleep mode...head to chest...turned the lamp light out...and both breathed each other to sleep...He mastering the art of repositioning her into sleep mode..stuttin her squirming around and quietly, softly telling her bed time..go to sleep...and she finally "listened" and "obeyed"......Daddy....

Now mind you I say this with a pang of jealousy...because Lil Momma will not just lay her lil head on my chest and stay put...she is tossing and turning and cooing in my ear...to just out the blue...losing her dang mind andscreeching at the top of her lung for attention...lol..Usually 8/10x Daddy Diamond is the one that can settle her down during these wee all nighters she used to be famous for....

i think she is finally getting use to our bedtime routine as she has gotten "older"...and "trained" up....she's learning...

Ntway...I'm gonna try to crawl into bed right now..and NOT wake up either one of these two Diamonds....

Have a good night...just had toi come in here...dust off the cobwebs...and admire....GOD's work between a Daddy and his Lil Girl...




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[*] posted on 5.25.2009 at 01:03 AM
Can't Sleep


We had to do a wedding this evening...and just really getting homr about a couple of hrs ago...not long...Big Momma-In-Law Diamond babysat the kids...she and my Dad in law...my Auntie Zee and Uncle Earl went to California for a funeral...relative of my Uncle Earls...they won't be back until next Friday...gonna hit the beaches..and relax as they mourn some with his some of his fam...It was one of his brother's passed....let his diabetes and his love of eating/drinking...lose his battle with it...

May he R.I.P.....

Long...tired but not sleepy...sigh.....

so we're back...and as usual...the Hubs sanfg his booty off...and the single ladies in waiting all swooning...and ooning...Sometimes...I can't stand that...they get rude even when he introduces me not just as his manager...but his wife...Them Barricuda's don't give a day'em...and STILL go to smilin' battin' their bug eyes...and always..touchin' him...like playfully,flirty...with the their hand on his bicep upper arm...or that flirty ,like " wow,your good,let me get a hug" type...hugs...Sometimes...I walk away...and go do what I need to do...finalize things,see if ole Bride was satisfied.. and get us paid..lol..timely...or at least make arrangements for some bride ...with...issues...We do try to work with everybody...lol budget...high budgets...to ..*** gulp*** no budget Brides...I have fussed at my Hubs for taking on some ..what I call..."Pro Bono-Freebies" gigs because somebody he knows..or he felt bad for some crying bride with lil cash....Usually,SO Far in the 4 yrs I've been actually on hands helping him.,..seems the Freebies...want all the works...like it's a day'em concert or something.....just a list a mile long...like my Hubs is a "will sing for a gig' rent-a- rapper or somethin'...hee-hee-hee...We are not pressed for this side hustle...It is GOOD cash...and wish more people would gone "git" murried"...but we do well...and this is just his side hustle...not even his 9-5'er....

Ntway....tonight was supposed to be an evening wedding...why did the bride show up 1.5 hrs LATE for her OWN wedding...luckily her Uncle was /is the Minister of the church..or pastor..whateva' :talktohand:...lol...but "church" wa shot...fans were Hotter...No air condition....Groom looking nervous...and somewhat embarassed...His mommy wa talking ish about the Bride...and whoa..was not feelin' it...Her side was half there...Hsi side...filled his side...and all dressed all prime..proper...her side...scalleywags(sp)...sike...but you can tell teh difference...based upon the way her folks came thru there...His folks were dressed for the occassions...her folks...no problem wearing jean halter dresses....and showin' all their back and chittie-chest cleavage Tat's.....His Momma was stone faced and NOT even looking happy about the occassion with her anal self...

NTway...my Hubs was tryng to keep his cool...but he doesn't and won't sing..until or at least some "bride" has put a down payment on it...something...but boy ti was an uncomfortable moment...Grooms Mom was rude too tho' she kept trying to get her older son to dance with me...even when I told her I was the wedding singer's wife...and we weren't asked to stay to celebrate with the couple ALL night...but the Mom was persistent...and if she rode her marrying son the way she was riding me...i can see why he married the type of chick he musta known his MOMMA would not like...This Bride was a total opposite of his Momma...lol...Momma all lil and lean and all pale light skinned..snobby-ish..type...The Bride was dark skinned and very heavyset but nobody could tell her nuttin'...she wore a very tight...sleeveless...huge skirt (like gone with the wind) type dresses all them ruffles...just her idea of a Princess Bride dress...and i think she was nervous as heck ro something...because she couldn't stop fussin' at everybody...and mean muggin' facial expression..all the way down the aisle...

Now...mind you...we usually will sing at whatever junction a Bride wants us on the program...with her selected band..what ever....But this chick had her sister handle most all her wedding arrangements...including those made with ME for my Hubby...again I do his scheduling and manage all the details...and coordinate their meetings...and whatnot..if necessary ...Ntway....so I've been meeting with the sister of the bride..and e-mailing back and forth...adding songs/subtracting them as they /she kept changing her mind on what songs she wanted....Ntay....

I NEVER MET THIS "LAZY" BRIDE...not until...the wedding day...the sister brings me over to this chick as she was late as hayle and still half dressed...This chick looked at me...up and down and all around...and GOES..."Oh KNOW she isn't staying for my wedding...I was like WTF...:wtf:....Her sister had to explain I was Mr. Diamond's manager and had all the arrangements and what order and whatnot...how I had to stay while he performed...BUT if she didn't want "me"..(I hope US..lol..Me & Hubs) to stay...then we would leave right after his "gig" was up...no staying later than necessary at the reception....Thsi Bride looked at me like I wanted her man..girl gone now...

I'm from Philly...don't make me Cut Ya'.....hee-hee...(Now mind you ..her colors were Brown..and pink...so I wore a shade of brown...and had some accessory pieces to tie in some "pink"...just a bit...as pink is not crimson...nor creme...so felt a lil weird....hee-hee-hee..JP...

But...okay...I'mma say it...I think I looked nice...yet professional..but always "sexy"...lol...IT is true in this business that image matters...lol..and we do get mroe referrals and requests whenever we say..."look nice"and try to match up some shade of a Brides colors...and we always give them a wedding gift...(that's my schtick to it and nothing too fancy...but a nice bridal gift of some sort...)...Ntway...yeah...that brown was looking good on me..if I do say so myself...shoot a young -enougn mom of 4 kids...yeah...i'mma brush my shoulders off...and I think it really was the way i wore my hair...my beautician...hooked my hair up...NTway....out the blue..she "just didn't like me"...nor my fierce heels and ...legs....lol....whoop de do-do...

Ntway....I didn't even bother to tell Mr. Diamond before he had to sing her "corny" selections....but after the gig that ran late as hayle....I mentioned it to him...he just shook his head and said..."You do look day'em delicious...like a piece of sweet chocolate ..then just starting teasingly singing to me...Cameo or is it the other group...lol..but that Candy sojng......" It's like Candy,I can see it when ya walk...even when ya talk..it takes over me...It's like candy..."...AAAaaawwww,this BOOOiiiiii knows he's bad...lol..AND...he STIL always knows how to make me feel less self concience (sp) about myself esp my cleavage...UGH..and ...esp when some of my fellow Sista's...my ladies... just seemingly immediately...look me up and down..and mentally must decide...without even really saying anything to me.no convo...just mean mug with the ...."HATE THIS Beeeeach !" type expression...lawdy...hee-hee-hee...

But Mr. Diamond..always knows how to make me laugh at things that happen to me of this nature....needless to say...we did our "marital relations" thingy after we got home...Him Knocked out...and me still feeling "up"...yet satisfied...but now restless...lol..and watching Dish Satellite....."Frasier" on Lifetime...lol....

But...back of my head...still a lil bothered by why that chick had such a reaction to me when she finally met me...why does this happen to me sometimes with my sista gals...I am not a mean person...nor a "stuck up" person...just confident..ad I work out daily...and feel loved by my Hubs and family..thus may come across as too "happy' smiley...type...but i can't help it....I just inside feel security and safe....and again...loved...no matter what hayle I;m going thru...he is still proving to be MY BESTFRIEND...so my worry time is cut in half after i share what ails me with him...he always...STILLL...so far...gives a day'em about me enough to try to "make me feel better"...OR BETTER..."Let me know where i messed up, if i ddi...but tactfully...he'll come from an opposite POV to maybe help me see how...another could ahve taken something different than I meant it...seen /felt something different than i meant it...He still can put things in a different perspective...without getting demeaning about it...or nonchalant, apathetic about me and my feelings...

i think what keeps us together ...even when we go thru our ROUGH PATCHES...and TIMES..is we still try to come out of the hurts...and "stick together'....work things out after...lol..olay..maybe a few days or hrs...of ME pulling my Silent Treatment....and he actying like I'm n ot pulling one on him......talking to me an yway....lol...But this "cat" still knows how to say some Trash talking comical crazy ish...that makes me break my ice on him....a trip...and like tonight...if somebody does something to hurt my feelings...he knows how to gte em to not feel so bad/sad about it..but actually EMBRACE the HATE....and step back and say...i can see why hat chick...hatin' on me...I do look fiercer than a motha-scubba'....in YOUR Bridal colors...so take All that Jazz...and stick ya hatin' self...and all that up ya...#@&@## !!! (2 snaps)

Naw....I won't even claim she was NOT feelin' me say on looks and shapes and stuff...but chcik did look at me like I was Cinderella princess bride and she snarlin' that lip like an evil step sista'...lol...Ntway...we didn't stay BUT just a lil after Big Diamond sang his last song....to such a sorry BAND...but he made it do what it do...'cause them Chicks afterwards were complimenting him on his singing and his looks...again in spite of him saying real talk hints...and jokes...that ME..his wife...keeps him looking "casket" sharp...lol...teasing...for these gigs...but he is so humble with their compliments and usually just jokes about it...and just says thank you, momma, I appreciate what you said...

Ntay...Groom brother follows me around with his momma in tow...I let Mr. Diamond know ole boy and his momma asked if I can dance with olke boy...and Big Diamond was like..."go for it.."...i dance with this dude..and he was just nasty...and i could see why he is not in a serious relationship...he looked and acted all prime and proper in his lil Tux (he was best man)...but calls himself whispering in my ear...some nasty, ish......I just told him..."I don't need anymore.."friends".and yes...my hubby is treating me right....and no...I don't go for the ole'...what he doesn't know won't hurt him" creeping int the ATL routine.....it would hurt me...to hurt him...plus...Dude was not my type...with the whole bold rudeness...and nasty...Mask slippin' off his Siddity Shytty face...type...

Ntway....What a night...what a night...what a night...


Did I mention...that ...Mr. Diamond and I are seriously "just getting in" after a wedding day....from...hayle...

Ladies...please be on time for ya own weddings...consider your "accessories who you hired to make YOUR day special...our time...our planning...our attention to detail....I don't care if ya Uncle Remus and 'Nem...gonna hold the bar...and somebody ya know is letting you use their place for ya wedding...RUDE is RUDE..s RUDE...all day...long...

Okay.....

Just got sleepiy...lol...Plus Mr. Diamond just rolled over and asked me..."Are you still up"...Uh...no...I'm sleep...I'mma ghost....then with his grizzly bear self...grumblin'...how the light is in his eyeballs...(hhmmpf...how..my lil 40 w lamp studio light all bent low...in your SLEEPING...EYELID self..."bothering ya....

lawdy..Mr. Diamond...ios one spoiled rascal...and when sleepy...talks crazier than a bed bug....

lol....

Oka.y...let me shut this party down...so Mr. Sleepy head can get back to sleep....he said he could tell i wasn't in bed..and fussin' at me...that because i wasn't in bed..."made his body wake him up..."


Negro....Please....

that's that ish right there...the crazy stuff he says...lol..


Nighty..night...night...




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[*] posted on 6.8.2009 at 06:17 PM


Missing the Heck Outta My Hubby...he had to go set up a webinar session (mass "seminar" ( thus web-in nar) session on the web.. in Boston with some other Heads at his job...He'll be gone a week...UGH...

He did give me a very long and nice Good Bye...."kiss with a twist...this morning to tide me over...lol...still sore...lol...

When he gets back he'll have to get back into Daddy mode..because he and the 3 lil Nieces are going to Ryan Cameron's Father-Daughter Annual Dance...this will be their 3rd yr straight that they have gone....they alwasy look beautiful...and the pics are so sweet....!!!

I miss this crazy man...just me him...sooo much.....His clinking around down in his study area...turning up..then down...the CD player...Singing to himself..whistling all the time...snatching and running with other people's singing attempts...like ..lol..say you're humming or singing a song to lil outloud but in your own zone and this Dude will pick it up...start singing it...of course ON KEY and with a TUNE...all over your off key attempt...He's a dang song snatcher...and it could be a dang commercial jingle..this dude runs all over it....Pisses the nieces off...and they grit their eyes and go...UNCLE DIAMOND....stop it...top singing my songs..out my mouth !!...LOL....and he doesn't care...even his Lil Boys get mad at him...Bam-Bam...the most energetic of the Twins...will go over to his dad and try to put his lil boy hand over hid Dad's mouth...which cracks Daddy up....lol..lil dang baby boy hand trying to hush up a Big Tall Lean mean..Q-Dogg's Yapper....when he's singin'...lol..looks cute...sounds cute..but never works...

Boy.....I can honestly say after all the men I;ve allowed in my Lil Miss Diamond world...NONE of THEM have ever managed to remain both my Lover...and Most IMPORTANTLY...FRIEND....

It has been very few times that we have not slept in bed together at bedtime...in a while...esp not for a week...I alreayd miss his lil soft snoring he does some nights and his trying to warm his toe jawns on my legs...and making me stay put by putting me in a playful bear hug grip...teasing me that he's toughin' me up for the cold weather...lol...His dang cold feet....on me...

I miss that....:ummm:




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[*] posted on 6.29.2009 at 10:57 PM
Randoms


I should have named this "journal"..Randoms...lol...I'm not able to post up in here much..Lil BabyMomma Diamond aka Sweet Pea...keeps me on my toes..she is a trip...but growing like a weed...i think she has realized that we "belong' to her and thus at her beck and call....Lil Miss High Maintenance..lol...makes me feel like Celie to her Suge Avery.,.,...running after her...waiting on her...hand and foot...cause she can;'t do for self...lol...and those eyes she inherited are bewitching...aaaawww...I love this lil baby-chica...

Ntway.....nothing much shakin bacon down in the dirty souf ..my neck of the woods...Fam doing fine...

just came to dust off the cobwebs growing on this thang...

Oh...here's something...I realized....I absolutely NEED....the times me and Mr. Diamond can snatch up and spend together...alone...like we still take showers together most times than night...Tonight being one of them...I love when he really washes my back ...makes my back feel so good...and I love when we get "frisky" in there too....Why does it feels so good to kiss your baby with the water running down both of you or him protecting you from the spray at it hits his back...whole nother level...just feels...GOOD...and connected...

Ntway...Mr. Diamond...is sound asleep...like a lil pig in a blanket...a sexy looking ...lil pig in the blanket...

I hope i can most times keep making him feel "happy'...and "needed" in my life...necessary for my growth...and peace of mind as I deal with life's daily lil stressors...I hope...and strongly think the respect on this is mutual....I measure that by how he takes me "seriously"..as being...necessary for him..in his life....I go by actions and so far...we still do it tag team....I like that...NEVER had this with any other exes....and I like that sense of security he naturally bestows upon me...his actions are so on point..or maybe he knows "me" pretty well...and acts accordingly...either way...He is a good match for me....

I like that......

I'm out....


PEACE !!! :peace:




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