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Author: Subject: Our Fathers...
BrownBomber
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[*] posted on 9.26.2007 at 07:35 PM
Our Fathers...


Too many times we have stories of black men not stepping up to the plate and taking care of their children.Granted they are out there and yeah,they suck! But here is a chance for us to compare notes on the men who gave us Life and hopefully took care of us until we could do for ourselves.Tell us about your father,we don't care if it was good or bad.Tell us what you loved (or hated),respected,admired, and have hopefully have good memories of.They can be funny,sad,touching,even long lasting. If you had no father,then tell us of that father figure that took his place....Memory Lane awaits!
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antmoxxl
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[*] posted on 9.27.2007 at 01:59 AM


Let me just say that I love and miss my dad dearly. I still 15 years after his death have a very big void in my life that I will never be able to fill. I only knew my dad for about a year before he died. I mean I knew him but I didn't. Most of the 20 years we had together we did not have a relationship. The thing is, that is not all his fault and I realize that now being older. Things happen and some times you have no control over how they impact your good intentions.

With that said, my dad was a hustler for much of his life. Without saying too much he pushed his work and turned the money into a ligetimate business. It wasn't until a year before he died that he got out of that life and concentrated on the business. Early on though he did what you do in that lifestyle, he lived it up. He took out time with me and my sister here and there but in 20 years it was never enough time. Financially he provided a little something each week but for two kids that wasn't enough either. After a while we just did not look for him to call or come get us. As long as we got our little check we were cool. To make this short, I don't judge my dad, or look at him in a negative light. I miss him and only wish we had more time. He was a good guy of that I have no doubt. Did he love us? Yes, I am sure he did. I look just like him and have a bit of his hustling spirit in me. When I look in the mirror he is right there.

His best friend told me a story one day that really told me the kind of guy my dad was.

He was coming from a drag race one day (that was a hobby of his, we do that here in the south). He had his guys with him and a trailer for his car. He spotted an elderly sister struggling to cut her grass in 90 degree heat. He turned around and went back. Had his guys get out and they helped that lady cut her grass and fixed up her whole yard. When they finished the yard he went to get her some food from KFC because this was on a Sunday. They finished up and he slipped her a $100 dollar bill and left. I thought that was the coolest thing but he did stuff like that all the time.

So that's a brief story about my father. Good topic BB.




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[*] posted on 9.27.2007 at 07:23 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by BrownBomber
Too many times we have stories of black men not stepping up to the plate and taking care of their children.Granted they are out there and yeah,they suck! But here is a chance for us to compare notes on the men who gave us Life and hopefully took care of us until we could do for ourselves.Tell us about your father,we don't care if it was good or bad.Tell us what you loved (or hated),respected,admired, and have hopefully have good memories of.They can be funny,sad,touching,even long lasting. If you had no father,then tell us of that father figure that took his place....Memory Lane awaits!





First I want to say to you BB, that you're on FIRE when it comes to these topics right now! Thanks for the motivating and inspirational conversations......:yes:



Fellas, my story was "typical" for black youths in America, and according to statistics Im supposed to be in jail, selling drugs (on my way to jail) or dead.:ummm: But of course we know that an accurate picture is never painted when it comes to black folks.

I never knew my father....... I am a product of a single parent household. I have seen ONE picture of my father in my entire life. According to my mother and close relatives, he was in the pimp/ho business where he was killed when I was 3 years old......... I dont know much about him other than that, and his name. I grew up learning what NOT to do from all the men that my mother dated who physically abused her, used/abused drugs and alcohol, gambling, cheating, etc.

Had it not been for my grandfather to give me a positive reference as to what a man/father/husband/friend should be, I dont know where I would be right now.:ummm: He was a little over protective of me, and at times I despised it because I wanted to go outside and play football with the boys in the neighborhood, but I guess he didnt understand that and he meant well.

As far as I am concerned. I was MIS-EDUCATED on what it meant to be a black man. I learned all the things not to do, and I had my one positive male influence who gave me hope.....




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[*] posted on 9.29.2007 at 03:17 PM


I would say my pops and I got a better relationship as we both got older. When he was younger he wasnt there at all really. Mainly due to his service in the Army. He and my mom got into it alot and she made life hard on him and he made life hard on us in return. But as we got older, talked more things have gotten better
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[*] posted on 9.29.2007 at 04:36 PM


My pops is a big drug dealer in miami who cares for no one but himself, never gave me [Censored] - bounced back in 85 - has a boat named crime pays and a swimming pool on the roof - he is the reason i dont believe in karma - hopefully he'll look out for me in his will, taught me and my brothers many a foul thing and some [Censored] i took with me. he can be a good dude during the holidays otherwise he is him - my grandpops on the other hand was a stand up black man who traveled the world doing art - i tend to take after him.



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[*] posted on 9.30.2007 at 09:13 AM


I really didn't get to know my father until a year before he died. He didn't live with us and I was raised by my mother and grandmother mostly. He was a hard drinker and was drunk most of the time.

But like one poster stated, once I got older, I UNDERSTOOD why he was the way he was. He grew up during a time when there wasn't a lot of opprotunities for a black man and because he didn't have a lot of education, third grade education, he could only get menial manual labor jobs. He wanted us to do a lot better than what he did so he always stressed getting a good education whenever we saw him which was about once every two years.

After my first year in college, I was to go on a job interview but I had no way of getting there. As a last resort, I called him. It was the night before the interview and he was drunk as usual. I must have given him directions as to where to come and get me five different times. But he was incoherent because of the alcohol and passed out while I was on the phone with him.

To my surprise, my father showed up the next day at my dorm room to take me to the interview. He was smelling of alcohol, even at 8 o'clock in the morning, so he went and got my brother and had him drive. I was so shocked, I had to sit down for a minute to take it all in. That was when he started coming into our lives. He started going back to church and would ask me to come and get him. Even though he smelled of alcohol, we figured at least he was trying.

But LIFE can sometimes deal you a bum hand, his time in our lives was short lived. He usually called me on sunday to come and take him to church but one sunday in August he didn't. I didn't hear from him that Monday or Tuesday. On that Wednesday, my aunt called and said they had found my father dead in his apartment along with two other guys.

According to the police report, five guys had broken into my fathers apartment and he fought back. He had a 9mm semi automatic and he shot the two guys that were found in the apartment with him. The other guys shot my father but they believed he wounded one of them. Even after my father fell, they could tell he fired two more shots at the guys as they left the apartment because of the blood at the doorway. My father's gun had 16 bullets in the clip and one in the chamber for a total of 17 bullets. The police could only account for 14 bullets at the scene which meant someone had got hit and left the scene.

The way he died hurt all of us but we realized he was fighting to LIVE, he had something to LIVE for again. For a long time it was as if he had given up on life but was trying to turn things around towards the end. Even when death came, he went out swinging, died hard.

Got nothing but mad love for my father.....mad love.
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antmoxxl
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[*] posted on 10.1.2007 at 02:16 AM


Surely somebody else has a story to tell about their father. C'mon brothers so far these have been good.:tu:



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[*] posted on 10.1.2007 at 10:50 AM


Nice topic , BrownBomber.
When are you going to tell us something about your dad?

I will when I get home




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[*] posted on 10.1.2007 at 11:07 AM


My pops?

Now, we are on a more friendship level than father son level.

When he was around, he was THE MAN. Actually, he was always around...just barely.

There would be times when he would dissappear for several days at a time. Drinking, doing drugs, etc. But he managed to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, clothes on our back, etc.

Overall, he was a provider. But our Mom was the glue that held the family together from day to day. She dealt with all the stuff he did until we were old enough to take care of ourselves. Then she finally had enough and they seperated.

Years later, after a "tough love" session between me and him, I forgave him not for what he did to me, but what he put moms through. But as far as a father figure, well, lets just say he is on the receiving end when it comes down to advice shared between the two of us.

Like I stated earlier, when he was around, he was the man. But he just couldn't leave those demons alone.

Today, he is doing better. I am not sure if he is completly free of his demons, but I think he has realized that he has just about thrown HALF of his life away. He has missed out on allot of things. Now that me and my siblings are having kids of our own, he finally gets the fact that he needs to be there ALL THE TIME, not just when need him the most.




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[*] posted on 10.1.2007 at 11:29 AM


My Dad.

My dad was always around. If, he wasn't around it was because of School, work or business. It was tough growing up with my pops because he always spoke 10 years ahead. He would drop heavy Jewels, Lesson, and History on us. At times as a youngster it was overwhelming because, life didn't seem that serious. But Pops always spoke about life as something to not Fucc with. So, he prepared us as best he could. My father was an excellent provider. There hasn't been much that I wanted in life and didn't get. I only have good memories of my Dad. Although we don't speak as much these days. He lives in Egypt and is always globe trotting. But that's my dude. He's my Role Model and I have never Met a Man as talented as my father. Allah (SWT) certainly blessed me. I never took my dad for granted. Coming from where most of do, I knew so many brothers who didn't have dads or dads that didn't give a sh!t about teaching their Suns how navigate in this Jungle called America.
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[*] posted on 10.2.2007 at 10:18 AM


My biological dad left me when i was about two for reasons unknown to me.I met him several times in my life but i had no real love for him.How could I?...He was never there and remember he walked out on us.My mom met another man named Johnny and he took us in.My parents tried to keep the fact that Johnny was not my 'blood' father,but my grandmoms sabotage that one with intentions she thought she was good! (laugh).
I knew that Johnny was not my real father since i was ten,but i kept that one a secret from the parents who were trying to keep it a secret from me.(Sounds like a comedy i know).
I loved Johnny with all my heart 'cause he was a warm,wonderful,funny,gentle, and sweet man who taught us a lot about life and how to be a man and do the right thing.Johnny could be firm and strict as Hell when it came to schoolwork and showing respect.One thing you never did was to lie to him because he hated that.If you f**k ed up,he didn't care just don't lie about it.
I was going through a bad,bratty phase as a kid and i was acting up in school.He was patient until i told him about lie about something concerning my behavior in school.
He marched me back to that same school in front of the same teacher i had shown my ass too.He was a pro fighter in his youth and he rarely showed any kind of violence towards me,my sisters or my mom.But he slapped the s**t out of me for lying to him right there in front of the teacher.
That slap not only rang my bell,but rearranged my dental work as well.(lol).That was the only time he ever struck me and that cured me of acting like a jerk.I never misbehaved ever again for any reason.I considered Johnny to be a my father and addressed him as such all through my life.On his deathbed he told me the real deal and i told him that i knew since i was ten.I told him that it didn't matter and that i loved him regardless.When he died i cried at the funeral.I was a grown ass man and i still cried.I didn't care who saw me.I expect to see him in the Afterlife...i loved him so!
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[*] posted on 10.2.2007 at 12:27 PM


My father was 4 years old when his mother died under curious circumstances. He has one full sister, and a bunch of half brothers and sisters. Since my grandpa (his dad) was very active in politics and the mother of dad's other sibblings wanted nothing to do with some other womans child, he and his full sister grew up with relatives of his deceased mother.
His father financially supported that whole household...not just his two children, but grown ups and their offspring; nobody had to work.
My father and his siter excelled at school, and dad in particular had and still has a huge fascination for history and geography. The relatives didn't like this, since their children were not intellectual at all.
My father hardly ever talks about this fase in his life, but my aunt told me they frequently went to bed without eating...and it was clear they were less favoured...things like not getting new clothes as much as their nephews, not getting enough schoolstuff etc. While it was their dad financing the whole bunch :banghead:
At age 16 my father had enough of the situation and went to live in his fathers house...now being older and more responsible dad could stay alone and take care of himself while grandpa was working.

I am definately fortunate enough to have had my dad always around. We didn't go fishing , but we played Nintendo. And he never let me win! Whereas other fathers let their children win the game, my dad gave me a hard time lol. He wanted me to know victory like all other things in life doesn't come easy.
Sleep-overs were a no-no. Hanging around at streets? No sir. Just a few things I didn't understand back then, but do now.
School was and still is the most important thing. We used to play this game where he would ask me multiple choice questions in different categories and I could win a candybar lol
I enjoy the times when we cook together, sometimes we don't speak that much, but still I
The older I get, the more I realise I'm like my father...stubborn, unreasonable...but very kindhearted
When the time is there, I will take care of him, no way I'll be putting him in a home




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[*] posted on 10.2.2007 at 04:37 PM


My dad. Whew! I've read the other posts, and can testify that my story isn't near as dramatic as some of you others. Basically, my dad was a good man who lived with us the majority of my childhood / youth. He provided / contributed what he could to the family based on his job income. (My mom always made the steady money, though.) He tried to impart some wisdom unto my brother and me, but the world changed from when he was a young man, so some of his ideas were out-of-touch. We had very few "heart-to-hearts" about manhood. I respected him, although we didn't have a rapport like I would've wanted.



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[*] posted on 10.3.2007 at 10:20 AM


Great and interesting stories fam.

My father was a rolling stone for real. He was a singer in a gospel group and was married when he met my mother. Therefore, I am the proud product of an extramarital affair. Not only was my father married he had several children of which I only met one and that was his daughter, (my sister). Since my Father was married, I never had his home phone number and was only able to call him at his job. His wife knew about his philandering but did not care because he paid the bills and took care of everything. My father lived on the south side of the Chi, had a home and a new car every four or five years. He used to come through the projects where I lived in his new cars and folks would ask is that your daddy. He was a hard working person from what I can tell based on him working for 20 plus years before retiring from 3M. Interesting enough I did not know he worked for 3M until long after he retired and I was visiting him and seen various 3M products in his car. Growing up he would come through every so often and buy me some clothes, shoes etc. We never spent any what people would call quality time together. I recall one time he said he was coming and my mother got me all ready and I sat there waiting for him and waiting and waiting only for him to never show. My mother call his job the next day and went strait the **** off. That never happen again haha. This is a lesson for men even today, there is nothing more frustrating for a mother than her children hopes being raised over thoughts that the father is coming or is going to do something for the child and then the father not doing it.

By the time I got to high school, my father and I barely talked but then arose the problem of transportation to school for me. So my mother kindly got him on the phone and told him he need to buy me a bus pass for school every month. This is what I will remember my father for the most, he never once failed to buy the bus pass for me and anyone from the Chi know the prices of those things are always on the rise. I believe in my Freshman year they were about $40 and by the time I graduated they were $60. Each month he would come by and drop the money off for the bus pass, sometime giving me a lil extra but most times not. We would meet for about 10 min and then he would be on his way and I on mine. I never once called my father “dad” and this is why I love to hear my children call me “dad” To be called dad to me means there is a connection there and an acknowledgment of who I am too them plus a reminder for me on what my role is for them. I never once disrespected my “dad” nor have I ever hated him. I cannot recall ever saying to him “I love you” nor him saying it to me, but when I think of him I often wonder what it would have been like if I could have had him in the house like his children with his wife had him the house.




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[*] posted on 10.3.2007 at 11:12 PM


My father has always had my respect and admiration. He's got the kind of honesty that makes you love him or hate him. My father has always been there for me, so it is really hard to single out one great thing he did, because he does countless great things. One thing that I enjoy doing with my father is going fishing. We just sit there and talk, and talk. Usually we're laughing so hard tears are coming out of our eyes...and we don't catch too many fish, but..it's all good.
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