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RBK
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Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
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![[*]](./images/reflections/default_icon.gif) posted on 9.23.2007 at 01:54 PM |
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Keeping a Man
Now just to let ya'll know what's up, TerracottaSun is my new homegirl for her thread.
She came onto the other board I'm at wanting to see if the opinion was different there because the demographic is mostly male (I'm one of the few
regular female posters). She linked me over here and I got one sweet laugh out of you...Thanks so much!
There was one interesting thing that popped up though: How to keep a man, or a husband, whichever the case may be. It wasn't Terra's issue, but
I'll fill in the blanks for ya...cause I'm a nice gal like that. It ain't that hard, and it's actually pretty funny that so many women have to ask
that question, as if it isn't intuitive.
And before anyone asks, YES! I have a beautiful, successful, longterm relationship! I've also done it the wrong way, and most of my friends have
always been guys. I'm not pulling this out of thin air, abra-kadabra.
How to Keep a Husband 101
Lesson #1: Have sex! Frequently! Sex releases all kinds of nifty hormones that literally keep you healthy...it's great stress relief, and a great way
to show affection.
Lesson #2: Cook from scratch. There's nothing like coming home to some good smells. Our sense of smell is most closely related to memory, and the
good smells create good memories.
Lesson #3: Don't sweat the small stuff! If he leaves bootprints coming home from work, for goodness sakes don't yell at him for it! It'll take
about 10 seconds to wipe it up...it's not that big of a deal.
Lesson #4: The less you ask for, the more he will give. If you don't give him grief, he's more likely to want to keep you around and want to make
you happy and see a smile on your face.
Lesson #5: Rub his head. I don't know why, but men really like having nails grazed along their scalp. I guess it feels good and relaxes them...you
get those nails done anyway, put them to good use.
Lesson #6: Let him watch sports! Most households have more than 1 tv, so if you really hate them, remove yourself to another room and watch Oprah or
something. He doesn't come bug you at the salon during girl-time, so don't bug him when he's pursuing guy-time.
Lesson #7: Bake. Most men cannot resist the smell of hot sugar...he will be hanging over your shoulder on a Sunday afternoon swiping cookie dough or
apple slices that were supposed to go into the pie first, then his stomach (which has led to many laughs in my home).
Lesson #8: Don't hold any housework you do against him. In this day an age, nearly everything is automated...dishwashers, clothes washers,
dryers...it's not backbreaking labor, and it's not a good bargaining chip.
Lesson #9: During a fight, avoid the words "I FEEL" like the plague. First off, you should choose your fights wisely over something that actually
matters, and when it matters, you should be able to bring up an objective argument, not a subjective one. He will respect you more for it, and is more
likely to concede after cooling off IF you've made the better point.
Lesson #10: Be extremely nice to his friends. Men love to show off their women...let the buddies do the ego-stroking for you. He'll come home
preening over you, I guarantee.
I've got more pearls, but you know what they say about throwing around pearls...I'll see what reaction I get out of this one first.
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RBK
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 03:28 PM |
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"Now just to let ya'll know what's up, TerracottaSun is my new homegirl for her thread.
She came onto the other board I'm at wanting to see if the opinion was different there because the demographic is mostly male (I'm one of the few
regular female posters). She linked me over here and I got one sweet laugh out of you...Thanks so much! "
*grin*
Thought I'd kill 2 birds with one stone.
**Edit** Hm? Where did that other post go??
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Confucius08
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 03:47 PM |
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Cool list. But all problems are not caused by women all the time. Sometimes, that annoys me to no end. Both men and women have to deflat the ego,
communicate, and work together.
"The Lombardi Trophy & Stanley Cup
are only in ONE City this Year." |
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RBK
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 04:52 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Confucius08
Cool list. But all problems are not caused by women all the time. Sometimes, that annoys me to no end. Both men and women have to deflat the ego,
communicate, and work together. |
Since when does 2+2=3?
The word "problem" appears nowhere. It also doesn't say "Keeping your SPOUSE" it says "Keeping your MAN" ...it's not really generic advice.
It's geared towards women, so in this particular instance, what a man may or may not do to keep his woman is irrelevant. I also didn't say overly
much regarding egos, communication, and working together. I suppose you could see it that way if you squinted at it very hard, preferably sideways.
Thanks for the props though.
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Confucius08
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 05:38 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by RBK
| Quote: | Originally posted by Confucius08
Cool list. But all problems are not caused by women all the time. Sometimes, that annoys me to no end. Both men and women have to deflat the ego,
communicate, and work together. |
Since when does 2+2=3?
The word "problem" appears nowhere. It also doesn't say "Keeping your SPOUSE" it says "Keeping your MAN" ...it's not really generic advice.
It's geared towards women, so in this particular instance, what a man may or may not do to keep his woman is irrelevant. I also didn't say overly
much regarding egos, communication, and working together. I suppose you could see it that way if you squinted at it very hard, preferably sideways.
Thanks for the props though. |
RBK don't set the cannons for battle....my post was my own rant about what I thought about the title in general. I do feel that there needs to be a
list dedicated to how to keep a woman. I didn't question any thing you listed. Of course you didn't say anything about egos or communication, I
did.
"The Lombardi Trophy & Stanley Cup
are only in ONE City this Year." |
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Jeneen
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 05:56 PM |
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I refuse to read such lists. Someone, somewhere always pop up telling Black women how to keep their men- if they actually have one and aren't sharing
that is. Doing this keeps sistas in a perpetual state of believing that to keep a relationship going they must serve, serve, serve. Relationships are
50/50 and require participation from both sides in order to keep each party interested. When you come back with a list telling men how to keep their
women happy then I might read the list above.
AND YOU WERE REGISTERED HERE BEFORE
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caramelkisses
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 06:26 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Jeneen
When you come back with a list telling men how to keep their women happy then I might read the list above.
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Everything I'm not made me everything I am ~Kanye
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TerracottaSun
Newbie
Posts: 96
Registered: 4.16.2006
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:03 PM |
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Excellent advice RBK! I'm especially impressed w/lesson #9, real sound advice to keep the bs down. The only way to learn is to keep your eyes wide
open not wide shut, you'd be surprised how much you'd learn practicing that.
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darkshadow63
Senior Member
Posts: 378
Registered: 12.23.2006
Location: san antonio
Member Is Offline
Mood: positive
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:05 PM |
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I think it' a good list and I get your point.
Be respectful and so will I. Cross the line and so will I.
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RBK
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:17 PM |
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Originally posted by Jeneen
| Quote: | | I refuse to read such lists. |
I'm not putting a gun to your head...besides, I don't think you were the one to ask the question. Why gripe?
| Quote: | | Someone, somewhere always pop up telling Black women how to keep their men- if they actually have one and aren't sharing that
is. |
I didn't say anything about BLACK women. Why does it have to be a race thing? I don't give a flying d*** if you're black, latino, asian, white...or
if you are purple with pink leopard spots.
And if a woman doesn't have a man (and isn't sharing, DUH!), think about one thing: who's the common denominator in the failed relationships?
Either she's picking the wrong guys, or she's insufferable for one reason or another.
| Quote: | | Doing this keeps sistas in a perpetual state of believing that to keep a relationship going they must serve, serve, serve.
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Did I say "You must bow at a man's feet and worship him?" Nope. Don't recall saying that.
Since when is being nice and not fighting over everything SERVITUDE? Since when is a little bit of consideration and not making mountains out of
molehills SERVITUDE?
A little decency goes a long way. If you don't get it, serves you right for whatever you get. Remember the golden rule (I hope you know which one
that is).
| Quote: | | Relationships are 50/50 and require participation from both sides in order to keep each party interested. When you come back
with a list telling men how to keep their women happy then I might read the list above. |
Why should I? I'm not addressing what a man should or shouldn't do. Life lesson: the less you demand the more you get. You have to EARN
respect...people don't just give it to you. You have to give love to receive it. It's common sense. Strangely, I haven't had a problem with how men
behave towards me, whether I was romantically involved with them or not.
Tell ya what, it wasn't sheer luck.
| Quote: | | AND YOU WERE REGISTERED HERE BEFORE |
Whoops! Lying isn't very nice. I had never even heard of this place before Terracotta's post.
IF under some circumstance someone else used the same screen name...well, I don't have a copyright on the alphabet. I'm sure there are thousands of
people with the initials RBK (which aren't even my initials...it's an inside joke).
I guarantee you that they don't have the same IP address I do.
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RBK
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:26 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by darkshadow63
I think it' a good list and I get your point. |
That's great! Thanks. All you gotta do is be nice, and good things WILL come back to you.
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Jeneen
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:51 PM |
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You indeed were here before and you were very anti-feminism and you belonged to another message board aimed at men's rights. I don't forget anything
and knew who you were when I saw your name and your intro post backed that up. As for everything else you said, I ignored it now as I did then.
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RBK
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 9.23.2007
Location: Abilene, TX
Member Is Offline
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 07:55 PM |
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It's very true that you may have seen me on a men's rights, but unless this board was named something differently within, say the past year or 2, it
wasn't on Cocoa Lounge.
**EDIT**
Since I don't feel like draggin' this on, check it out
Type the following in the google searchbar:
site:www.cocoalounge.org RBK
Google is a wonderful thing. 2 hits. Neither pertaining to me. New posts won't show up for a few days. I've never been here, so unless you can whip
up a non-fabricated member list, match non-fabricated IP addresses, link me to the non-fabricated threads where I supposedly posted on this site and
PROVE that it's actually me ON cocoalounge.org...
It would be good form for you to apologize for lying. Have a nice day, I'm done with you.
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Jeneen
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| posted on 9.23.2007 at 09:11 PM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by RBK
It's very true that you may have seen me on a men's rights, but unless this board was named something differently within, say the past year or 2, it
wasn't on Cocoa Lounge.
**EDIT**
Since I don't feel like draggin' this on, check it out
Type the following in the google searchbar:
site:www.cocoalounge.org RBK
Google is a wonderful thing. 2 hits. Neither pertaining to me. New posts won't show up for a few days. I've never been here, so unless you can whip
up a non-fabricated member list, match non-fabricated IP addresses, link me to the non-fabricated threads where I supposedly posted on this site and
PROVE that it's actually me ON cocoalounge.org...
It would be good form for you to apologize for lying. Have a nice day, I'm done with you. |
Haha! You, done with me? You must be confused as to who has the upper hand here.
You were here before and never in a million years could anyone have guessed about you the things I stated above. You were not liked before, even
though I had nothing against personally, and so you left.
Now you are back, with a new routine and attitude to match.
I can see you also bought Demondog with you, who spammed my board yesterday.
And seeing as you said you wouldn't be here long anyway, you can leave.
Now, I am finished with you and you are finished period.
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BronzeBlossom
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| posted on 9.24.2007 at 12:22 AM |
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| Quote: | Originally posted by RBK
Now just to let ya'll know what's up, TerracottaSun is my new homegirl for her thread.
She came onto the other board I'm at wanting to see if the opinion was different there because the demographic is mostly male (I'm one of the few
regular female posters). She linked me over here and I got one sweet laugh out of you...Thanks so much!
There was one interesting thing that popped up though: How to keep a man, or a husband, whichever the case may be. It wasn't Terra's issue, but
I'll fill in the blanks for ya...cause I'm a nice gal like that. It ain't that hard, and it's actually pretty funny that so many women have to ask
that question, as if it isn't intuitive.
And before anyone asks, YES! I have a beautiful, successful, longterm relationship! I've also done it the wrong way, and most of my friends have
always been guys. I'm not pulling this out of thin air, abra-kadabra.
How to Keep a Husband 101
Lesson #1: Have sex! Frequently! Sex releases all kinds of nifty hormones that literally keep you healthy...it's great stress relief, and a great way
to show affection.
Lesson #2: Cook from scratch. There's nothing like coming home to some good smells. Our sense of smell is most closely related to memory, and the
good smells create good memories.
Lesson #3: Don't sweat the small stuff! If he leaves bootprints coming home from work, for goodness sakes don't yell at him for it! It'll take
about 10 seconds to wipe it up...it's not that big of a deal.
Lesson #4: The less you ask for, the more he will give. If you don't give him grief, he's more likely to want to keep you around and want to make
you happy and see a smile on your face.
Lesson #5: Rub his head. I don't know why, but men really like having nails grazed along their scalp. I guess it feels good and relaxes them...you
get those nails done anyway, put them to good use.
Lesson #6: Let him watch sports! Most households have more than 1 tv, so if you really hate them, remove yourself to another room and watch Oprah or
something. He doesn't come bug you at the salon during girl-time, so don't bug him when he's pursuing guy-time.
Lesson #7: Bake. Most men cannot resist the smell of hot sugar...he will be hanging over your shoulder on a Sunday afternoon swiping cookie dough or
apple slices that were supposed to go into the pie first, then his stomach (which has led to many laughs in my home).
Lesson #8: Don't hold any housework you do against him. In this day an age, nearly everything is automated...dishwashers, clothes washers,
dryers...it's not backbreaking labor, and it's not a good bargaining chip.
Lesson #9: During a fight, avoid the words "I FEEL" like the plague. First off, you should choose your fights wisely over something that actually
matters, and when it matters, you should be able to bring up an objective argument, not a subjective one. He will respect you more for it, and is more
likely to concede after cooling off IF you've made the better point.
Lesson #10: Be extremely nice to his friends. Men love to show off their women...let the buddies do the ego-stroking for you. He'll come home
preening over you, I guarantee.
I've got more pearls, but you know what they say about throwing around pearls...I'll see what reaction I get out of this one first.
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Generally I agree -- these things fall under common courtesy in large part. Lessons #3 and #9, however, do cause slight objections.
It is true that an occasional bootprint and many such boo-boos take a brief time to clean up -- they are not yelling offenses. However, consider that
once there are children, the number of bootprints and the like can go up. Children do not know better than to make messes in those early years, but I
would expect more from a husband, who is grown and was taught by his own parents how not to track mud into the house, and how to clean up after
himself in all areas. An isolated bootprint is not a problem; a pattern of bootprints would be cause for serious conversation -- unless, of course,
he who makes the bootprints also cleans them up, leaving me to finish dinner . . .
"I FEEL" cannot be treated like the plague, since it is a major component of a fight. Everyone should be able to argue logically, true enough, but
this is not merely a matter of trying to get the other person to concede the point later. Put another way: if he has to "cool off," his feelings
are in play as well. "I FEEL" and "I THINK" are of equal importance; to communicate, even in a fight, both aspects must be dealt with openly and
honestly.
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