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Author: Subject: The Human Butterfly/Dragonfly...
carmel_nookie18
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butterfly.gif posted on 7.10.2007 at 11:22 PM
The Human Butterfly/Dragonfly...


[color=Cornflowerblue]Well, this is my first entry and I shall make it as light as possible. 20 years of my life i've battled myself and watched others battle me. Grammar, high school to college, i've watched folks ignore or state their negative opinions about me. If i wanted a friend I had to try my damn-est to conjure up confidence. Boyfriends were always a far and sex was never on the menu. Throughout all my tribulations, I continued to try and find my meaning in life. So much hate/ignorance i've faced and i'm only 20.

For a month now i've noticed a lot of butterflies wherever i go. Dragonflies followed as well. I looked up the meanings and both stated CHANGE. Maybe it's God beautiful way of saying watch yourself something my come your way. Is it love, friendships and/or physical change?
[font=Georgia]




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carmel_nookie18
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[*] posted on 7.11.2007 at 02:32 PM
Dreams, dreams,Dreams


I've never revealed this to another blog up until now. I've had dreams about a man with locks,dreads, twists or whatever you want to call them. It wasn't up until I recently lot weight that I started to bump into men with this type of hairstyle. Was my dream a peep into my future? I've had countless dreams that actually took place. I don't think that I'm feeding too much into my dreams. I do believe that it was a look at what I could achieve later on in the game of my weight loss.



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[*] posted on 7.11.2007 at 02:44 PM
Back to the Basics..


Getting back into society is going to be somewhat of a challenge. I understand that if you want something you gotta bust ass to get it. Life's too short to dream forever and i'm a big dreamer. Is it hard to fight it? No! Is it hard for people to understand whom you are as a person? All depends. I know I wanna work with my head up high looking to only myself for guidance and other for support, if needed. God works in so many ways that we actually forget to thank him for the simple things in life. I loved to blame him on life's difficulties, but realizing he was helping told me the differ. I appericate the love he has for me and the support he has for me throughout my dreams and everyday life. I thank you God!



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[*] posted on 7.11.2007 at 07:27 PM
Too many thoughts


I alway thought of romance. True love. One where you can be free to ay whats on your mind without the other feeding into it too much. I want to live in luxury without work involved. Have my husband love to spoil me without being too smothering. I like money and if my husband made a great living, I would watch what we did as a whole instead of being greedy and have the title golddigger to my name. I want to be sexy, not only to my lover and me but to admirers as well. I want to live glamourous in Paris but comfortable in Chicago. Be close to family when I need support but away from them when i want to indulge. So many of my thoughts are inspired by society, my soul and being a human.



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[*] posted on 7.12.2007 at 06:31 PM
Okay Um.....Hello?


I don't know weither to think about my problem areas or think about other things. I jut gotten back to being serious about my diet. 17lbs to loose and i'll be in the 200 club. Yeah to some it's still big but to me it matter alot! From being undesierable to being the queen [Censored] is very important to me. Of course I wont date so many men, just about two before I try to get serious about it. Hell, I dont really want to date too many men . I just want to find the right one before I turn 23. Yeah it's young, but so what I'm mature enough to handle marriage. Okay maybe i should just calm the hell down before I trap some poor guy in my cage and eat his ass up! lol (no pun intended). :wizard:



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[*] posted on 7.13.2007 at 07:46 AM
Wasting Valuable Time


Love is something where the both of you never have to question feelings. If something need to be addressed, then it's not love. I witness so many people in life that claim they love someone, but never had anything positive to say about the relationship. What's the point? Most of them ask. True, when you're in love you sometimes get pissed at that person. You feel as if you want to kill them. Truth be told, once the both of you are back together, It's like love never left.

I long for real love. I crave it to the point of saying no to dates and yes to marriage. One thing that I will never put after of before love is myself. I still have womanly duties regardless if he loves me or not. I have myself to look after as a young woman. That's also one thing other women seem to forget.




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[*] posted on 7.15.2007 at 12:01 AM
Cheaters and What They're Good For.


My mother recently told me that if someone cheated on a spouse before they gotten married it's a okay. No! Not to me. You see, when you get married that's to someone special. That someone should be able to understand that love is not something you wait for nor decide the next day.

I'm not a woman that will settle because I either lost my beauty or there's a shortage of men. Not likely. [Censored] statistics! God's not gonna put a shortage of men to piss women off. Not likely. T understand one's logic you have to realize that everyone is not the same. The world is made up of diversity. If not, how would we learn?

If we can learn from social drama [i.e. ending friendships] then we can do the same with intimate relationships.




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[*] posted on 7.16.2007 at 12:24 PM
Black Folks....


Sometimes black folks just kill me. \We can contradict ourselves everytime we speak. We have black folks that think they're better than the next simply because of education. Let me tell you something. There are plenty of folks [regardless of race] that make a great living without schooling. So why as black do we think we NEED the education to survive? Why when we get the money we need to be looked as "the White person's experiment"?

If well educated black folks are so rightous, why do we continously beat down on the next person? Education does not provide love, support or care. Nor does it give you the right to bash someone for what they didn't spend their money on. :wb:




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[*] posted on 7.18.2007 at 09:35 PM
The good, the bad and the others.....


You know life can be fun and then it can be sour. It can be lonely then crowded. Life has never been in the middle. At least not for me. I've always been in the good situation or the bad situation. Either been lonely or happy. I rethink every situation i've gone through in life and have said to myself "damn why didnt i do it this way?".

I love to live, but i dont live to love, eventhough i should. I hold alot of grudges on people for the smallest things. I know everyone has their opinion and I do as well. So why do I feel as if every bad situation I'm in is my fault?

Maybe it's they way i've been raised? Maybe it's the fact that i'm still obese and noone understands? Or, is it other folks whom are content with their lives that they will quickly walk over you? Hmmm?

Whatever the answer is I'll accept it and move on. Life's too short to worry about those whom dont care about you. It's too short to worry about folks that pretend as if they are rightous, but are actually sinners. Believe in your dreams and follow them. Angels roam...




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[*] posted on 7.18.2007 at 09:56 PM
Bisexuals Aren't Really Wanted


Yeah I said it. We aren't wanted. If I were to go to an all girl's party, lesbians would look at me as if i committed a crime. Whenever i turn on the television, I see lesbians (of all races) march during the gay pride parade shouting "we want equality!", but five minutes later she sees a bisexual. She gotta make a [Censored] up comment. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

For awhile now, fellow bisexuals have always understood this little known fact. It saddens me that I have to watch what I say around people in general. It's not most striaght people that are closed minded, its lesbians as well. Who would of thought that a people with a contalversy sexuality would look at another people as "nasty". Funny how folks work!

My logic about this whole thing is, why do we continue to hate one another for something we were once apart of? This whole stiuation is like some racist whites hating blacks for being in American, when they brought our asses here. Ta-Da! Backwards as hell. What were lesbians and bisexual women apart of? Men. Something most lesbians don't like. Somthing few lesbians evny. Something other lesbians DO protray, but don't want it to seem that way. Come one sistas let's do better. :yes:




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[*] posted on 7.21.2007 at 12:44 AM


Well everyone in my life has just that a life... They don't it by the p/c allday wondering if someone sent them a email. Nope they have jobs, love live and social lives. I need to be the adult i strive to be and get serious about how I spend my time. Instead of bitching about having nothing, I need to witness what hard work can get you. Nothing in life is promised, but hell comes natrually.



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[*] posted on 7.21.2007 at 10:13 AM


July 21, 2007 Dear Gemini, are you hoping to accomplish a goal that you've been working towards for a long time? Don't let delays cause you to fear it'll never happen. It may block your creative energies and cause you to lose faith in yourself. Fortunate changes are in the wind, yet it's still going to take a little more effort for you to get where you want to be. Gird up your loins and keep on going. You'll get there! <<<

That was weird to get this horoscope when you're trying to fight temptations. Everthing lately has taken over my mind, other people's lives verses mines. People are i'm starting a race in my mind and everyone else is winning. I feel sometimes like it's unfair, but life give you pleasure and pain. you have to accept the pain inorder to get more pleasure.




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[*] posted on 7.23.2007 at 06:25 PM
Sexual Tension(s)


My imagination is roaming hard today. I doubt it's my lonliness doing this. From the innocent age of five, I've always been advanced. From thinking about warm sexy night to thinking about cool soothing breezes. My god am I out there with my passion. So much fire burning inside of me ready to let loose. Listening to Janet isn't helping at all.

Candles, simple but filling foods and the right setting is all I ever dream about. I've always wondered whom will capture the fire I willing to throw out there? Will he be faithful enough for us to become one or will he be stupid enough to cheat? I've always had an eye for older men. Will he be older and wise or older and a smart ass? There's always the good and the bad.




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[*] posted on 7.25.2007 at 07:32 PM


Every day that that passes, I realize people's personalities count more than their looks. Really. I used to think the better looking were actually the best. Not the case! Conversations mean alot to me when it comes how much the person knows. I love intelligent folks as long as their not uppity about their intelligence.



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alert.gif posted on 7.27.2007 at 11:55 AM
Mentally Ill


What do you do when a family member is severely ill mentally wise and the family aren't doing a damn thing about it? A uncle of mines is terribly ill in the head. He won't go to a therapist and he doesn't't think anything is wrong with him. Paranoid and possibly bipolar. The family is very aware of his mental state but moving super slow to get him help. He truly thinks everyone is against him. It's so bad that i'm afraid to be around him. He's literally a ticking time bomb and i'm afraid someone may get hurt for something they weren't aware of that they were doing.

God knows this man needs help and quickly. I'm scared to call help on him because I dont wanna lose my life. He's already ask one of my other uncles about how jail was. Which to me and my mother means that he's about to go over the edge. It's just not right to have someone lurking around the streets with a problem ad watch them go. However, i'm too scared to get him help and too scared to be around him. All we need is a good prayer.




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