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Author: Subject: Life as I see it
khali22
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[*] posted on 5.29.2007 at 10:22 PM
May 29, 2007


So...I've been in a horrible mood lately. Bored to tears. Literally.

I have a new obsession. Desperate Housewives. I used to watch it every now and then but lately I've been going through 2 dvds a day. That's like...8 hours of tv. Granted I stay up until about 3 am every night...but still. I need something better to do with my time. 3 more weeks until summer classes start *hits head on desk* grr.

Actually, I've been reading a lot too. I read a whole book one night lol that was kinda cool. I'm re-reading Velocity. I really like that book.

And I've been taking showers at really random times. Like if I have nothing else to do I'll take a shower at two in the morning lol even if I showered earlier that day.

I'm thinking about going through my whole room and just throwing a bunch of stuff out. It's too cluttered. Our old appartment was much bigger than the house we're in now...which is bizarre. But whatever. For a while my brother and I were trying to get our mom to let us move back. She said no.

*sigh*






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[*] posted on 5.30.2007 at 02:55 PM


I was thinking earlier that I'm kinda excited to see the Puerto Rican again. I'm not sure if it's because I wont be bored anymore or if it's because I might like him. *shrugs*





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[*] posted on 6.2.2007 at 01:19 PM
June 2, 2007


So the past couple days have been soooo lame.

I found out I can't go to LA because Melissa's family is coming into town for her sister's graduation and I cant afford to go by myself, so that trip is off.

THEN the clutch went out on my car so I dont have a car for the next week and a half to two weeks.

THEN Ryan and I got into a huge argument over how many digits are in telephone numbers in England. We havent spoken in two days.

THEN I spent 3 hours of my life indulging in meaningless small talk with this girl that I absolutely cannot stand. Her name's Mary and she comes from a nice, white, Christian family but she act's like a ghetto hood rat. It makes me sick how fake she is. She talks about her boyfriend, Curtis, all the time, which doesn't really bother me because a few summers ago he tried to holla at me while they were going out. If I told her, she'd freak. And I just might. Anyway, he used to call me all the time just to see what I was up to and he wanted to hang out all the time. Basically he wanted to be my boyfriend lol but I thought he was ugly so...it was whatever.

Anyway, she talks about how they're getting married when he gets out of jail (he's got 4 years. 1 and a half with good behavior), but right now they're taking a break. What I want to know is...how does he take a break from a relationship in jail? That seems stupid. It's she who wants the break. Just so she can have an excuse to screw anything with a penis until he gets out.

Not only that, but she slept with his brother!!!!! And she's thinking about sleeping with his nephew (sounds gross, I know, but they're only a year apart in age). Anyway, she's a hoe. And she's fake. And she thinks she the sh*t, even though she clearly isnt.

So last night for three whole hours I listened to her run her mouth about herself, so now I have all this dirt. I'm pretty satisfied.




On another note, Kelly is finally coming back from TX so I wont be so bored anymore. She texted me the other day asking if it was ok if she called because she was feeling "Khali deprived" well...she used my real name. But anyways...it was weird cuz we see eachother EVERY DAY and so we never talk on the phone. But we did. We were close back in 6th grade but then one of my friends like...completely turned us against eachother so we pretty much hated each other until 10th grade and our friendship just got better and better and now we're like...BFF lol so I never really cared when she went to TX for the summer before cuz we didnt really hang out but I'm not kidding when I say we saw each other at least 6 times a week and on top of that we talked all the time on Yahoo lol so...yeah it was really weird not seeing or talking to her for the past week and a half.

Anyhoo...I ordered the cutest pair of shoes the other day. I tried forever to find a pair of velcro shoes I liked that didn't look completely retarded. I saw some adidas ones that I adored but they were $90 and I was like "hell naw" lol so...I finally found some vans that I like. They're white with a light blue stripe around the soles...anyway, I havent worn vans since I was in 8th grade so I'm not sure how they're gonna fit. I got them a size big just in case they're retarded...I've recently discovered that I'm addicted to shoes. And I'm not just saying that. I think I've bought 9 pairs of shoes in the past 2 and a half months....that's a lot of money. And the sad thing is, I cant even wear one of the pairs of shoes I got until it starts getting cold again. They're these really cute clog-type things but it's gonna be way too hot to wear them until about November...I got them because they were on sale lol.

I like how I'm just rambling on now...I have nothing else to do and I guess this is keeping me semi-occupied.


OOOH!!!! Ok Melissa has been letting Will and his girlfriend, Alisha, stay at her house since she moved in. They dont pay rent, bills or help buy food, and still she let them stay. Well she's getting a new roommate and this girl said that Will and Alisha have to move out because A) there will be too many people living there (Will, Alisha, The new room mate and her fiance, and Melissa) and it's only a two bedroom and B) they dont pay rent anyway so they dont get to live there anymore. So Melissa told Will that he and Alisha need to move out and yesterday they were supposed to get the last of their stuff and apparently Will tried to set the house on fire. He plugged the toaster in next to the pilot light and stuffed some newspaper in it and turned it on...CRAZY!!!! And then Alisha stole one of each of Melissa's earrings and her dvd remote...which was petty and then they took the Playstation too.

It's weird...I didn't know they were both so crazy. I havent ever really liked Alisha, but that's her fault. A few years ago she thought I was messing with Will and she just hated me and was rude to me, so I'm like screw her. But Will and I are good friends and I didn't know he was so...insane...

Ok...yeah I'm really bored now and my stomach is growling at me. So I'm off...






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[*] posted on 6.3.2007 at 06:09 PM
June 3, 2007


So the girls and I are going out tomorrow to celebrate all of our birthdays. We were all born within like...10 days of each other. I'm the oldest on 5/22, Kelly's in the middle on 5/27 and Belen's the baby on 5/31. So it's kinda cool.

So Ryan's talking about taking a construction job so he can take time off pretty much whenever he wants so he can come visit more often. He's going to Queens and Manhattan on Monday to see whats up...hopefully something works out. He was saying that he hopes by 35 he'll have his doctorate and everything and I was thinking about what's gonna happen to us between now and then. It's 12 years...that's a long time. But then again, I never really expected us to be friends at all and it's been 4 years.


I called Michelle a few days ago and I was kinda upset by the time I got off the phone. It felt like we had to force conversation and that sucked because she's like a sister to me. Ever since she started going out with her boyfriend things have been weird between us. I'm not sure why because...I've never even met him. She was supposed to come visit this summer but I'm starting to think that it's not gonna happen. That sucks because I havent seen her in like...4 years.

Jill called me on my birthday and I felt sooo bad because I forgot to call her on her birthday so I was like "I meant to call but I was in class with finals all day" and she said she was too so it was ok. We used to be hella close. Pretty much all through middle school and most of high school we were like...BFF but then senior year I got a job and she was wrapped up in school so we never saw each other and then she moved to Chico to live with her boyfriend and go to school. She never comes down and she doesnt have many friends up where she lives so she's kind of a loner and I feel bad...but she's finally making a trip down to see her family next week so we're gonna hang out. Dang...the last time I saw her was the day before school got out when we were doing graduation rehersal. A bunch of us went out to dinner afterwards. I didnt even see her at graduation. I didn't realize that until now. How sad.


So I have this friend, Mike. He's pretty much one of the coolest guys ever. Anyway, I know he likes me and I like him but he avoids the subject like the plague. I think he almost said he loves me the other day...and it kinda freaked me out. We were just kickin it and I had to leave and he said "I love...." and then he paused and I was like "what?" and he said "I love talking with you" I was like...:wtf: I said "um, yeah me too" and I left lol but it was the weirdest thing. Ever since then I havent really seen or heard much from him. We used to talk pretty much 24/7 but not anymore. I dunno. I know he got kinda jealous after he found out about what happened with Military and then out of nowhere he went out and found some girl and hooked up with her. When he told me I was a little shocked because he's been celibate for a little over a year and then one day he just decides that he's gonna screw some random broad? Don't think so. Anyway, the point is, we flirt all the time and there's definitely something there but how am I supposed to act on anything when he wont talk about it? I don't get it.






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[*] posted on 6.4.2007 at 05:38 PM
June 4, 2007


Woo!!!! Got my car back today!!! Praise the Lord. :cloud:





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[*] posted on 6.6.2007 at 04:24 PM
June 6, 2007


I had the most bizarre dream last night. I wont write most of it because...it was pretty risqué lol but all I know is David was in it.

The last time I saw him was sometime in April at a party I went to. Everyone I used to kick it with was there...David, Danny, Jason, Sam, Jesse, Jared, and then a bunch of ppl I dont really know.

That night I'd been at Melissa's house and there was a party down the street at Marie's and Melissa's ex-roommate, Jo-Marie, got really drunk, walked down the street and just walked in the house and Melissa, Leilani and I were like eh...wtf? So Jo-Marie said "Hold up, let me go get my girl, Kayla" like they were gonna fight us or something. Well to be honest, I dont like any of those girls except Melissa so I wasn't really tryin to get involved in any of that. I remember Mike and Dante came in so I was chillin in the house with them for a few minutes while Melissa and Leilani went outside. Well like...10 minutes later I went out to see what was goin on and Kayla, Melissa, Leilani, Chanelle, and a few other girls were all outside talking so I went over there just to listen and like an answer to my prayers, David calls. He was like "Hey, what's up? You should come over. We're all drinking" blah blah blah and I said "I dont really wanna drive all the way out there" cuz he lives like...15 minutes outta town and he said that he was at Danny's house. So he gave me the address and I left. It took me FOREVER to find the street. I knew it sounded familiar but I couldn't exactly remember where it was so I drove around for a good 15 minutes before I realized that it was 1 street over from mine...I felt like an idiot lol

So anyway, I get there and I called David cuz I couldnt find a place to park...so I made him get in the car with me to look for a place...Anyway, we get outta the car and I hadn't seen him in a long time. I suddenly remembered that I was attracted to him and...yeah. It was weird. Anyway, so we walk in the house and I said hey to everyone and pretty much as soon as I walked in the door, they put a shot glass in my hand. So I did a few rounds with the boys and then I realized all they had was beer and shots...and I dont like beer. So I told David that I had alcohol at my house and asked him if he'd go with me to get it. So we went and came back and most of the night is a blur after that. Ha! I do remember that David was like...hitting on me all night. He thought my fro was seriously hot or something cuz all night he played with my hair and if he wasn't doing that he had his arm around me or found some other way to touch me... I also remember playing guitar hero with him...and finding Jared in his room playing on his computer so I went in and laid on his bed cuz I wasn't feeling too hot. A bunch of ppl came in and started listening to some sort of music...

Um...ooh! haha...Ok so I really dont like Southern Comfort. I think it tastes like crap...and I did one shot of it and then the smell made me sick. So I went and sat on the couch and played guitar hero and then I remember david picking me up off the couch and pulling me into the kitchen and I was standing there looking at the shots they were pouring and I said something along the lines of "no...it's nasty..." and they said "no this stuff tastes like butterscotch" but i was weary...but I took the shot anyway. It wasn't half bad. So...I went and sat back on the couch. A while later the boys wanted me to do more shots with them so I walked into the kitchen...and there was a lot of ppl in there...and we all got shots. I just assumed that I was getting the butterschotch stuff again...but I was soooo wrong. It was SoCo. I swallowed it and the next thing I knew I threw up all over Jared. Well...it wasnt really throw up. I swallowed the shot and it just came back up. No chunks or anything lmao thank God. I stumbled outside and threw up a little more and then walked around to the front of the house and found Sam sitting on the wall in front of the flower bed. I sat next to him and said "didn't you leave like 3 hours ago?" and he said "yeah but this is as far as I got" lol so we were talking for a little bit...and I was suckin on my last smirnoff when out of nowhere there was a bright a*s light in our faces. I pushed my bottle off the side of the wall into the flowers and I remember I got pissed cuz it spilled. Anyway I asked Sam what it was and he said "I think it's the police" and I was like damn. He said to not get up and go inside because that would make us look suspicious so he said we should pretend like we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I laughed and said ok and he put his arm around me and started kissing my cheek and stuff lol...eventually everyone inside realized the cops had showed up and pretty much everyone snuck out the back and ran to their cars. It was the funniest thing ever. David came outside after that and talked to a few of the officers. I remember thinking that it was a horrible idea for him to do that cuz he was smashed...but apparently he's really good at pretending to be sober lol so he finished talking to the cops and then came and sat down by Sam and I and it took probably 10 minutes for the cops to leave. So finally they all leave and Sam decides it's time to make his way home cuz he has to work in 4 hours lol so it's just me and David outside. We decided to go sit in his car and listen to music, so we were just chillin when Jared, Jesse and some girl came outside and started harassing us, talking about how we were gonna get it on in the car and what not. So I looked at the time and saw that it was about 4:30 and I started freaking out talking about how I needed to get home because my mom was gonna get up for work soon and they were all like..."dude, it's saturday" lol so I calmed down and then like 20 minutes later I was like "Oh my god! It's almost 5! I have to go home before my mom gets up" lol and they all started laughing at me and told me that it was Saturday. So anyway, we were all chillin and Jared, Jesse and that one girl were talking about how they needed to get some sleep and David sent me a text that said "You better leave when they do, otherwise I might kiss you and that would be too crazy" and I remember that I'd kinda been expecting it all night just because of the way he'd been acting so I texted him back. I'm not sure what I said...but whatever. So the others went inside and left me and David in the car and no more than a minute later we were making out lol It was pretty funny how quickly it happened.

Anyway, I ended up going home around 5:30 and that was that. We text every now and then but...that's about it. He works pretty much 24/7.


So back to the point, it was really weird that I had this dream about him since I havent seen him in about 2 months. The most bizarre part about it was when I woke up. I actually thought all of it had happened...I was sorta freaking out lol...


Anyways...



So I've decided that I need a summer job. I spend way too much money to be poor...so...yep. I applied at a few places today. Hopefully something works out.


Eh, I was just thinking about that party and how I get a little too crazy sometimes when I drink. When I had first got there Danny was almost ready to pass out. He doesn't handle alcohol well and every single time I've partied with him he gets effed up and passes out...So anyway, I got there and he had no pants on!! I asked him why not and he said because he was in the No Pants Club. So after a I'd gotten a little more drunk I asked him if anybody could be in the No Pants Club and he said fa sho...as long as you have no pants on lol. I was sooo close to taking my pants off. If I'd been just a little more drunk I probably would have. Thank God I wasnt. That would have been too embarassing.

Jeez...lol






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[*] posted on 6.12.2007 at 05:16 PM
June 12, 2007


So I went to my first aerobics class yesterday. It was hella fun :D but I'm soooo sore today. We did this ab excercise and it hurts to do pretty much anything now lol but it's a good pain. Anyway, I can't go today cuz I have a doctors appt *gags*


Oooo I found the coolest rocawear necklace today. I want it baaaad.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a377/iluvme_22/More%20pictures/RW-RN50_Gold_front.jpg





I'd buy it but I'm so broke right now it's not even funny. Well no, that's a lie. I have 3 different savings accounts at 3 different banks. I put spending money in one, and the other 2 are just for saving but I'm running seriously low on spending money and I'm going just a little bit crazy. I just found out I have another bank account that I didnt even know about so...my mom's supposed to give me the account # so I can check how much is in it. It's just been collecting interest for the past 10 years or so which is cool, but it's not like savings accounts get much interest anyways.


So anyway, OMG!!! Last night I went to the park with my brother and Melissa and then the boys called and said they were at Up John Park so we decided to drop my brother off at home and head over there. Anyway, so we get there and there was a TON of people there. People I havent seen in like...2 years. So anyway, this guy Matt was there. We kinda have history. Ok I'll start at the beginning...


3 years ago I took a night school class and I ended up meeting this guy, Junior. He was cute and from what I could tell he was pretty chill. So one day I drove him home and he gave me his number and told me to call him when I got home. So I meant to watch and see which house was his but it was in this complex-type thing so I didnt really see. I ended up making my neighbor, Justin, go with me to find it...but anyway so I called him and we decided that we should go to the movies but both of us were pretty broke so we decided that we'd just watch a movie at his house. This was when I still thought "watch a movie" actually meant we were gonna watch a movie. Noooope! So anyway, I go over to his house the following weekend only to find out that his family is conveniently outta town. So we ended up making out but that's as far as it went. We hung out every day though. It was always me, Junior, his friend Joey and my friend Hilary. We would just chill out and play basketball or w/e. Anyway he started going out with my friend Becca and about a year later, that's how I met his brother, Matt. I guess he was into me from the beginning cuz he kept buggin me for my number. Becca ended up giving it to him and we decided to go to Starbucks one day. Anyway, I picked him up...cuz he doesnt have a car, and we went and I got really mad cuz not only was he dressed like a complete slob on what was supposed to be something like a date, but he made me pay!!! Broke a*s mutha fu*ka...anyways...I wasn't even really into him. Not because of that, but because I wasnt attracted to him in the least and he wasnt in school and he didn't have a job. He pretty much had nothing going for him. But we were "friends" I guess. So one day my friend Jessica decided to have a party cuz her parents were in Vegas for the weekend. So it was Jessica, Hilary, me, Mikey, his gf, Brianna, Calvin and Matt. I remember getting really drunk and crawling into Jessica's room from the living room so I could use the bed to lift myself up off the floor and Matt followed me in and locked the door (!!!!). I was like "you need to let me out" and he said "come on, just talk to me for a minute" and he tried kissing on me and pushing me down on the bed and I said "No! You need to let me out!!!" and I pushed past him (which wasnt hard cuz I had a good 4 inches on him lol) and I left. I'm pretty sure he woulda raped me if I hadn't yelled so loud. So that night someone stole $1500 out of Jessica's parents room and we all kinda blamed Matt and Calvin cuz they were in there alone on the computer for about half an hour. Anyway, it ended up being Matt because he bought all kinds of nice stuff for Junior the next day and he didn't have a job. So we all knew it was him but we couldn't prove anything.

Anyway, I didn't see Matt for a long time, but I knew right after that he started going out with this girl Katisha. She's cool...in a "she'll whoop ur ass" kinda way lol but I'm cool with her brother and...my family kinda knows her family so it's whatever. Anyway, they ended up having a kid together in January. But other than that, I hadn't heard much from him. I ended up meeting his younger brother, Phillip, at a friends house and then we ended up in the same HTML class my senior year. He was a freshman so that was the only class we had together but we ended up becoming really good friends. He's on the DL lol so I never had to worry about anything happening between us even though I had history with 2 of his brothers :wow: so we were cool.

So...a couple months ago I was at Melissa's house and she left to go get Will and take him to the store, so I was chillin and Artis, Kenny, Rouege, and some other boys came over. I could have predicted this would happen but...

They all star talking all kinds of nasty stuff. Like...Kenny was like "Kay, let me hit it. Come on, just go to the bathroom with me for a minute" lol and I was like "uh, no" and he said "come on. I've had a crush on you since 4th grade"...he didn't even know me until a few years ago lol stupid. And then Rouege said something...it was gross. Anyway, that's not the point. So Melissa FINALLY came back and we were chillin and Rouege and this other kid were tryin to get at me. It was gross. So I asked Melissa what the guy's name was and she said Nikko. And I was like "as in Junior's brother?" and she said yeah. Ok so...Junior, Matt, Phillip and Nikko (who's 14!!!!)...I couldn't believe it.



Back to the point...


So Melissa and I went to the park and there was a ton of people. As soon as I walk up Matt was like "Hey Khali (cept the used my real name)! I havent seen you in a minute" So I was like "hey boys" blah blah blah. I saw my friend Bruk. I hadn't seen him in months and he was lookin kinda cute. He's got a gf now but back in like...December everyone used to tell me that he had a huge crush on me. I never believed it but...oh well now. lol Anyway so I was saying hi to everyone and Nikko came up to me and was like "you know, I wasn't kidding about that stuff I was talking to you about at Melissa's that one night" I was like :yuck: he's only a year older than my brother. That's gross. lol anyway so I was like "uh...yeah anyways" lol and I did my nervous laugh thing lol and the whole night Matt kept asking me if I have a bf and blah blah blah and I kept telling him no, but that I wasnt looking either. So Melissa ended up giving him my number!!! :steam::wtf: People just give my number out like it's nothing! So anyway, Matt called me later that night and I was at Melissa's with her and Dante watching a movie. He asked me if I wanted to go to a party but I said no. So I ended up going home and he called me AGAIN at like 1:30 this morning. I was mad. Not only do I not like him at all, but he's got a gf and he's tryina talk game to me. Game which he doesn't have. Not only that, but he still doesn't have a job, a car, a house and he's not in school. Nothing's changed. He's just pretty lame.


I kinda hate how guys here are all the same. But at the same time, it's nice to know that I shouldn't expect much. I dont get my hopes up so...it's whatever.






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[*] posted on 6.15.2007 at 01:41 PM
June 15, 2007


I'm about ready to wash my hands of my mother. She's a liar, she's ungrateful, she's greedy, and she uses people to get what she wants. Her number one priority is herself. I don't know why she is the way she is, but I'm sick of it. I don't think I can take much more of her. All she wants is the money I bring in for school. Never mind that I have to pay for books/gas/etc. but she wants me to give her money for everything. Not only that but she's manipulating my grandparents. They asked me if I've been stealing money from her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.


God.


I'm so mad I could cry.






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[*] posted on 6.21.2007 at 06:40 PM
June 21, 2007


Things with mom still aren't great. I don't think they ever will be. Anyway...



Aerobics has been really fun lately. My brother wants to do it but he's afraid he's gonna see someone from school there. Highly unlikely lol but Andee is bringing her brother, Tommy, in one day so I told my bro that he should come that day so he'll have someone to talk to. We'll see lol


Um...OMG! Ha! Ok, so I was talking to Ryan the other day and he said that he might make a trip to the west coast during spring break and I casually mentioned that I'm never in town for spring break, which was kind of a lie...anyway he said "oh, well maybe for Christmas then." Woo!!! Christmas time is pretty much the most romantic time of the year...so that would be effing sweet. I'm really excited.

Hmm...Kelly and I decided we're gonna write a book. It's gonna be a comedy-type thing about the rules for being a girl. Kinda making fun of all the stupid things girls have to do for the sake of vanity/love/fitting in/etc...

We've been working on lists of "rules" at home and then bringing them to aerobics every day to share thoughts and what not...it's fun. The first night I started my list I was on the phone w/ Ryan and I made him listen to a couple of them and he was hating, talkin about "thoese are gay rules" blah blah blah. Well yeah, I know they're stupid. That doesn't mean anything though...some people take them seriously lol. Whatever.

OMG! I totally forgot to mention that Michael said he loves me the other day. We were on the phone and I had to go cuz I was going to lunch w/ the family and he said "Ok well I'll talk to you later. I love you" and i was like "what!?" and he said "you heard me." and I was like..."you know that's not something to be taken lightly" and he said he doesn't. Anyway...I was like "ok, well bye" lol ever since then things have been...not weird, but not normal either. I dunno. Like, last night he called me and for a whole 15 seconds we were talking and my cellie was dying so I said "let me call you from my house" and he said "well, i'll talk to you later." wtf is that? :wtf: Effin weirdo. I dunno...
His mom called me the other day I think cuz his number popped up on the caller ID and I answered it and some woman was like "hello?" and I was like "Um...hello?" and she said "yes, can I speak to Kayla...Kayleigh..." and I just hung up lol it was bizarre. I told him and he kinda freaked.


Aaaaanyways...ok I had a really strange dream last night. I had just woken up and I looked at myself in the mirror and my whole left eyebrow had rubbed off while I was sleeping. I woke up freaking out lol had to check to make sure it was still there. Lol...weird.

Military wants me to drive all the way down to San Deigo to see him. HAHA!!! yeah right. I told him if he wanted to see me then he could come here. He said "alright. It's worth the drive anyway." Your damn right it is! haha. Still, I'm not sure I wanna see him any time soon. He did some really childish stuff last time and I'm not into that. We'll see how things go.

The Puerto Rican wants to spend the 4th of July with me. Apparently it's really romantic. Well...Melissa and I are going to a party with a bunch of navy guys...we went last year too so...we'll see. Haha that party was the first time my mom saw me smoke. I used to smoke prime times...although I never inhaled cuz smoke burns my lungs lol and I was a loser like that. Anyway, I don't "smoke" anymore lol but I remember the look on her face. She was like :slap:...funny times. Melissa and I got kinda drunk too...that was fun. And I got that stuff from glowsticks in my eyes. Not so fun. It burned like hell. Hmm...we went thinking "oh, we know hella navy guys. we'll know somebody there" we didn't know one effing person lol oooh well. They gave us alcohol anyway.

The other day I went to get ice cream with Kelly and Andee and we were just filling Andee in on all the drama around town since she goes to Davis and is hardly ever home. Anyway...I'm not sure how this came up, but we started talking about this nasty girl, Courtney. Kelly T.A.ed with her in HS so they knew each other from that, but I worked with Courtney for like...4 months. Anyway, Melissa had told me that Courtney was dating this guy who works at Charley's and he's like...30 something and has a daughter only 5 years younger than Courtney. GROSS!!! lol anyway, so I was going on about Courtney cuz I have a lot of dirt on her and I was telling them about how one time she wanted to show me her new tattoo so I said ok thinking it was gonna be on her ankle or something. No. She had a skinny girl tattoo...u know, the one like...3 inches from your crotch...SHE HAD TO LIFT HER ROLL TO SHOW ME!!!!! It took all my self control not to start laughing. It was the most disgusting thing ever. haha and once I was at melissa's and they were talking about how Courtney just got her nipples pierced. Gross in and of itself, but then she just popped her titties out! hahaha her nipples looked like pepperoni! It was sooo nasty lmao.
haha ok...woo. anyways. I shouldn't talk crap, but that girl is nasty.


Anyways, gotta get to aerobics.






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[*] posted on 6.24.2007 at 05:09 PM
June 24, 2007


I watched Fight Club for the first time today. I'm not sure, but I think there was a giant penis at the end lol...weird.

So last night Kelly and I were supposed to go to Andee's because her dad was BBQing for us. Anyway, we stopped at Hollywood Video first because I was gonna get some movies to take over to Andee's. Anyway, so I walk in and I noticed that my aunt and my cousin were paying for their stuff. I didn't say anything because I don't really like them...so I pretended like I didn't see them. Anyway, Kelly and I are finally ready to get the movies and they rang up the total. Well I'm on my grandmother's account and she has this thing where the movies she rents are free...but they werent. I was like WTF? So I reluctantly paid for the movies and then called my g'ma to see what was up. Well, because my moocher aunt still lives at her mother's house, she uses my grandma's phone number for her account too. So...she screwed both accounts up. She got her movies on my g'mas account instead of her own, which is why I had to pay for my movies.

Anyway, so while we were at the video store, Belen called Kelly cuz earlier that day we'd called her to see if she wanted to go to Andee's with us. So she called back and Kelly said "well I called to see if you wanted to go to Andee's with us." and Belen said "Oh. I'm busy tonight. I can't." so Kelly said "oh, nevermind then?" and Belen got an attitude and said "Fine. Bye" We both thought it was weird, but whatever.

So we got to Andee's and ate and watched Gilmore Girls and she had this birthday thing set up for us. Anyway, we all made our own tote bags. Mine turned out really cute. It's pink with little silver stars all over it, 2 bigger silver stars in the top corners, and I wrote California in cursive and covered it with a darker pink glitter and then there's one of those iron-on stud type things in the bottom corner. It's a crown. It's cute lol

So it was about 11:45 and Kelly and I decided it was about time to leave so the three of us were standing outside making plans for the next day and Kelly was saying something about how she felt guilty because she thought Belen was mad at her. I asked her why and she said "well, I think she's mad because we always do stuff together and she never can." Can someone please tell me how that's our fault? And she never seems to get upset when she can't hang out with us because she spends all of her time with her boyfriend. Belen is really stupid sometimes. Whatever.

So I talked with the Puerto Rican for a loooong time yesterday. He told me that he'd been invited to audition to be on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. If it's true, I think he'd do really well. He knows a lot about really REALLY random stuff. Sometimes he'll go on and on about stuff I don't really care about and I'll stop listening. Maybe I shouldn't lol I might learn something from him.


I've been waking up every morning with random bruises all over my body. I'm wondering if it has anything to do with my lack of sleep. It seems I can never get a good nights sleep. Ryan seems to think I need to get laid. He's probably right lol when he was out here last summer I slept like a baby every night lol. So...he's been saying stuff to me every now and then that's making me think he's finally getting the whole "wanting to be with you" thing. Like...we've had this thing going for nearly 4 years and it's never gone anywhere because we live so far apart. Anyway, I'm not expecting that to change, but I think he's starting to realize what exactly is going on with us (you know, some guys are slow like that lol). Anyway, that's huge. I'm pretty happy about that.

I dunno...it's weird. We've both dated around and what not, but it's pointless. Atleast from my side. I know it's dumb, but I compare other guys to him. It's stupid stuff too like "oh, he cant make me laugh as easily" or "his hugs aren't as nice" lol but...that stuff is important to me. And Ryan and I have this whole repartee thing going. I've never had that with anyone else and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose it.

I dunno...so sometimes I feel like I could be missing out, but at the same time, if they don't have the qualities that I love then what's even the point?






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[*] posted on 6.25.2007 at 08:50 PM


Ha ha ha ha ha!! Ok so I wrote about that annoying heffa, Mary, a few weeks ago. Anyway, I mentioned that she and her jail-bird boyfriend are "taking a break" because she cheated on him or whatever. Anyways, SHE'S PREGNANT!!! ha ha ha ha!

Ok, that's kinda mean. But still...that is really funny. I feel bad for that kid. But then...pretty much all the kids out here are screwed. This girl, Marie, is 27 with 2 kids, which is cool I guess, except for the fact that she parties 24/7 and acts like a 16 year old. She used to have parties at her house every weekend and on Wednesdays too. Anyway, she installed a stripper pole in her living room for her halloween party and her 5 year old daughter, Kenya, was all dancing on it, lifting up her shirt and stuff. She and her 4 year old brother, Julius, are around alcohol, drugs, and bad behavior in general all the time. Julius is gonna grow up thinking he can treat women like sh*t because he sees all the guys doing it and Kenya is gonna grow up w/ no self respect or self worth. It's really sad.

Chanelle's kids too. They're even younger. like...2 and 6 months. And Chanelle is only 16. It's pathetic.






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[*] posted on 6.27.2007 at 04:34 PM
June 27, 2007


Sometimes when I think about the people I used to be friends with, I get physically ill. It makes me sick to think about how someone who used to have such high standards and morals just let all of that go because they wanted to fit in with a not-so-good crowd.

Anyway, I've been thinking about cleaning out the friend closet. Cutting all my ties to those kinds of people, because honestly, what are they doing for me?

The only thing is, every now and then I do like to go out and party or whatever, so I have to keep them around to call up every now and then. But there's a difference between one night of going out and having fun every few months, and going out every night of the week, getting so faded that you have no idea what's going on.

I'm not gonna lie though, sometimes my goody-goody friends get on my nerves because they're just that--goody-goody. Their idea of fun is going to Denny's and playing dominoes for hours, and don't me wrong, that can be a blast, but then again, I like going to parties and clubs and none of them do. I like to go out and drink and dance and have a good time. None of them dance. Ever. You should have seen them at homecoming senior year. I had to actually force them onto the dance floor--and teach them some basic stuff. They had a good time once they were dancing but they wont do it w/o being forced...and alcohol? Forget about it.

So I do have to keep some other people around for those days when I just wanna go out and have a good time.

I kinda wish I could meet someone who was more like me...like good in school, priorities in order, but still likes to go out to clubs or whatever. That'd be nice.






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[*] posted on 6.28.2007 at 06:01 PM


I'm not ungrateful for the life I have. I've had a very nice life, to most people's standards. Just a few bumps in the road every now and then. Some harder to get over than others. Anyway, I read or hear about all the different experiences people have and I'm envious, in a way. Living in a small town shelters you from so much--good and bad. I thank God that some of the stuff I see in the news or read in the papers would never happen here.
Too small a town.
Too close-knit a community.

But sometimes I wonder how differently my life would have turned out if I'd grown up somewhere else around different people. There are certain people who I can't imagine my life without though.
Like my grandparents. They're my foundation. They taught me how to be a decent person. How to plan ahead and what I do today directly effects what happens tomorrow.
And my mother, of course. Even though we're like night and day, she taught me how to be strong. How to stand up for myself.
My brother, and a few close friends. They taught me how to interact with others.

No. I'm not ungrateful in the least.
Just something I think about from time to time.






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[*] posted on 7.1.2007 at 07:26 PM
July 1, 2007


Today is pretty boring.
Actually, most days are pretty boring.


I think boredom has something to do with comfort and saftey. Because when you think about it, you cant really be bored if you feel at risk.






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[*] posted on 7.5.2007 at 06:19 PM
July 5, 2007


Fireworks last night.
Dessert with the girls.
A little alcohol for me.
A nice night.


I've been thinking about it, and I'm considering New York as a possibility for after college. I've decided to plan a visit to see how it agrees with me.
Maybe next summer.


I'm really excited for San Francisco next month. I love everything about that city.
The people.
The sights.
Sounds.
Smells.
There's a lot going on. I like it.

I'm pretty sure my friendship with Melissa is over. I'm a little disappointed.
Mostly relieved.
She so insecure that she can't be herself around the people she hangs with. I feel bad that she's willing to sacrifice her character to fit in with people who are doing nothing with their lives. I know she was dealing meth for a while. :sarcastic: :td: She's not in school. She's working two dead-end jobs. She doesn't seem to have a problem with the way she's living, so who am I to tell her it's wrong? She's old enough to make her own decisions.
So...
That's the end of that.


I saw Transformers with my brother yesterday. I love that movie. I'll probably see it again and I'll definitely be buying it when it comes out.


Over the past couple days I've been thinking about moving a lot. Obviously it cant happen now, but the more I think about it, the happier I get. I think a change of scenery would be good for me. For the longest time I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but now I have a pretty good idea.
It feels nice.






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