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Author: Subject: U Think U know, But U Ain't Got a Clue Whatsoeva! This is the Life & Mind of Browngrl86
browngrl86
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[*] posted on 11.20.2016 at 06:03 PM


Ok soooo lol...*ahem* I had to leave that last post with the quickness lol...It's been about 3 weeks since.


So that night I was devastated....friend-zoned...ugh. That NEVER feels good lol...What followed was a stream of text convo between he and I...my friend fed me things to ask ( I was gonna leave it as is, but she convinced me to find out why after so man hints that he was feeling me). Basically, I laid out things he said or did over the past 10 months that suggested he was interested romantically in me. When I asked him if he usually invites media outlets to fraternize, he basically said no, but since my blog's logo was on the flyers of his event (as a cosign) he said it seemed like I was a part of the event (but the thing is, he never invited me to the event, he invited me to NYC on several occasions on some random social, "lets' kick it" ish, now all of a sudden, he's defining our interaction as professional-turned-friendship, when I was never invited for anything professional.)

I told him that, and he switched up his tune, saying well it was for social purposes (his quote: "there was no ulterior motive, business or otherwise")...Do you see why i was confused and pissed?!?! He said "that that also doesn't mean Im automatically trying to date you. I'm single, but I also enjoy my solid friendships...As far as my offering to make accommodations for you [at his place], at one point, it seemed like were asking me to help you with our trip in that way, and I didn't really mind...asking without ever explicitly asking, of course." I replied something like "I asked if you knew any hotels in the area, I didn't know that came off as you putting me up at your place. I would never stay with a man i barely know."

He replied "no ulterior motive means just that. When I was all for you coming to NYC, I thought it would be fun for everyone. It was." (I'm thinking everyone who? I spent most of my time with him!) He continued "I had no intention of strengthening some 'business relationship' or dating anyone. Nothing has changed. I'm glad you came out because I enjoyed hanging out as well."

See? There, he basically admitted it was purely social.

At this point, I say Ok whatever, it's all good." I'm sending his texts to my friend, for a live stream of this convo, but i accidentally send his message to him lol....he replied, 'Whats your personal email address?? I'm like "why do you need that?"

He says, "I dunno, was gonna forward you the email chain where you proposed coming to NYC to [his event]...I just feel bad for the miscommunication and not quite sure where this all took a bad turn."

I then proceed to let him know that yes, it was my idea to attend his event, and i did so because i didnt know him all like that, so it was me who made the trip about an event in our industry. At this time, it was late and I was over it, and i told him "no business love lost, I'll still post your clients. goodnight."

Everything was going through my head? Did he expect to sleep with me but since we didnt, he friend-zoned me? Friend and my cousin both told me they think i was too harsh on him, and that my anger ultimately stemmed from him not returning my feelings and that whether or not i was there for business or social reasons wasn't the issue. So I'm like, even the cock block, the "glance", the stare i caught him in meant nothing and I imagined all of his flirty tendencies? Not to mention the signs the universe was telling me about him, my strong intuitions.... I was sooooo confused...But, but....he added me on facebook after my guided soulmate meditations and my "affirmation that my soulmate's higher self that he "show himself to me." Not to mention all my feelings were verified when i met him...he's EXACTLY how i pictured him to be and how I envisoned my perfect mate to be. We have soooo much in common, and (like he said) we "get along well." I was sooooo confused...

HE HIMSELF clearly doesnt even know why he invited me out there....I say it was the universe/LOA that brought him to me. So basically, for months I'm thinking :flowers: ...and planning our future :lol:. and he had no clue.

So the next day, after much thought, I sent him an apology text, apologizing for "lashing out." I wanted to come clean, tell him my REAL underlying reason I went to NYC, that it was because if the LOA (we talked bout this stuff while i was there, he even said he believed in speaking things into existence during one of our convos). I told him that he popped up into my awareness at an interesting time as the type of guy i'm looking for and he seemed to have the qualities, and that's why I lashed out. I told him i hope we can continue our professional connection and new friendship.

He replied "No worries, I completely understand. One again, I apologize for the misunderstanding. I hope that we can continue to build. *smiling emoji with the closed eyes*"......even the way he friendzoned me was admirable...made me feel him even more! smh

So my first thought was "build what?" lol...but then I'm like, actually, that's what I want! I told m self I want to build with my ideal mate...be friends, build a stable relationship, even build an empire , as I want my mate to be ambitious and be a driving force for my ambitions. We're both in the same industry, we literally can be out here beasting together. I can just see it! He just doesnt see it yet, just cuz he friendzoned me NOW doesnt mean all hope is lost!!!! I found it interesting that he said he had "no intention of strengthening some 'business relationship' or dating anyone" and that "nothing has changed," but now he's open to "build." And then i thought further....if he really wanted to shut me down, he could have said "I hope that we can continue to build a great friendship and business relationship." But NO! He left it open, to me, as if to say he's open to whatever happens! :jump: ...If he really had no intentions before meeting me, i feel like he's open to the idea now! Now all i have to do is lay my out my charm lol...the conditions are so right, it's scary. We would make such a good team in so many ways. I can see it. I can feel it. I'm grateful i was able to meet him, as a representation of the type of guy i want, that someone like that exists! lol


SOOOOOO.....

Since then, we've had friendly and professional banter via text (examples....Him: "Did you receive my email blast?") I sent him my music and other music i wanted him to check out when i was there, sent him an artist as a potential client, even wished him a happy birthday yesterday lol....I need him to see why "going further" isn't such a bad idea. lol...He replies with "Thanks so much [my name]!"How are you?" And he says he will get to listening to my music i sent him...he remembered! he cares! lol...I'm crushing so hard, dont judge me lol...but i honestly think it's more than a crush...this is some soulmate energy popping off....Since then, I put the words "my husband" next to his name in my phone (to tell the universe that yes, he is what i'm looking for to fulfill that role or someone like him)...I've also began to periodically put the ring i usually wear on the ring finger on my right hand, and put it on my left hand (marriage finger). Better get used to FEELING like I'm married to him or someone like him.... that's what the LOA is all about, you must FEEL how you'll feel when u get what you want and believe it will happen. It's funny because some of the song i sent to him are ones i wrote a few ears ago, and some talks about love themes. For instance, there's one, a duet, about trying to convince a guy that I'm the right choice for him to date :lol: and another that's more sensual. I hope something clicks in his mind lol...

Another thing: so I did his astrology when I got home. Another thing we talked about is our birth signs when i was there. He's on the Scorpio/Sag cusp. (my ex "T" was a scorpio/sag cusper....ugh.) Those people are VERY social, VERY people-oriented, VERY charming, love freedom, and are usually self-employed, movers and shakers, go-getters....everything I want in a mate lol...so their friendliness, if you're already crushing on them, could be misconstrued as them being flirty, when in reality, they're just friendly as hell lol. My research also suggests that scorpio/sagers are VERY compatible with Leos (winning!) and he even said he likes Leos. They also say that miscommunication can loom over them...which is definitely what happened with us lol, but somehow I think the misunderstanding propelled us.

Over the recent Supermoon, I lit some candles and focused on blessing our burgeoning, "building" relationship, and to open the gates to allow income to begin to flow in from multiple avenues I now have open. Overall, I feel good and hopeful about what's to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :tu: :tu: :tu: :tu: :tu:




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 11.25.2016 at 05:19 PM


I was reading a long article on quantum physics and how it pertains to spirituality, the universal laws, and the LOA (law of attraction). This stuff is sooooo interesting to me...it's life changing! It's literally the connection between science and spirituality...it's interconnected.

It reminded me about the videos that inspired me on my journey to attract love and I thought I'd share them with you.

This is the video that i discovered after my break up with "T"...I was like woooowww...it's pretty amazing, her story....
that's when i was reminded of the (quantum) possibilities the the universe holds.....




This is the video that just so happened to be published a week after being friendzoned, and I took it as a sign that being friends can, in fact, turn into a deep loving relationship, one like I desire. In the video, she explains that she at first didn't see her new love as a love interest, while he developed feelings for her before she did. But over the course of a few months, their relationship grew into more.




My faith (#TheNonReligiousKind) is stronger than ever!!!! And to the universe, I say :thanx::thanx::thanx:




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browngrl86
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Mood: I'm alive, blessed.......AND LOVIN IT!!!!:dance:

[*] posted on 12.6.2016 at 10:52 PM


UPDATES!!!!

For the past year, I've been putting my mental and physical energies into those aspects, and I can finally feel it about to take flight...2017 is looking LIT af!

SO.....to update on Mr. "A" ....so since I left off, me and him have been trading friendly texts...he finally got around to listening to the music i sent him...songs I've recorded and written in the past during my days I wanted to be an artist. I sent him private Soundcloud links...and if you know anything about Soundcloud, that means it counts the number of plays the song gets, but your plays dont count cuz it's under your account. So I have one song called "Put It In Your Mind", a duet about a girl (me singing the part) who's trying to convince a guy that she's the one for him.

The lyrics state:

"I've got a great idea for you
It just might make your life
But I was wondering would
You wanna give me and you a try?
You know that I won't bite, I won't bite
I don't wanna seem forward
But have you ever thought about the magic we could make?
So put it in your mind
It's about time you see the bright side
I'm not like all those scaliwags that you messed with in our past,
I won't play ya, oh baby..."


I had to chuckle to myself when I stumbled on this song before sending it to him...although it was written about 6 years ago, it captures so precisely what I feel right now towards him. I've been sooo anxious to know what he thinks about all of my songs, but especially that one. So last Friday rolls around and he texts me saying he's finally checking them out. He says he likes one called "Parking Spaces." I ask him his opinion on what I should do to make it better, and then crickets...he doesn't reply for 4 days! So within those 4 days, I'm like what happened? Did he listen? Did e not like them? WHAT. HAPPENED??? So on Sunday, i remembered I can simply look at my account and see if he listened simply by looking at the number of plays on each song. Before he listened, I remember "Put It In Your Mind (PIIYM) had only one play. Now it has 12 plays! All my other songs had only one extra play, like he played it once, but for some reason, he played PIIYM over and over and over. I can't help but think it had something to do with the lyrical content. He clearly felt some type of way lol....it resonated with him. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! And he's showing his interest through the things he DOES rather than what he SAYS....Facts!

So today, he finally texts me like, "sorry for the late reply, I probably zoned out" and he tells me he liked "Parking Spaces" and the rest of the convo. STILL doesn't mention PIIYM...now....you would think that since he played it so many times, he liked it and would tell me. But nope! I think it's cuz he knows he feels some type of way, and if he brings it up, it would open the gates for me to assume he's like's me in a romantic way too, but he is fighting it...doesnt want to cross things up. I really feel like it's inevitable though. This meeting is divinely inspired, boy!! You can run but you can't hide!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Over the weekend I told the universe, if it's for my greatest good, please send A my way. It seems like he's opening up a little more to me. So during our texting convo today he said he would send me "good vibes"...y'all, I nearly passed tf out :lol: ....he's spiritual, too!? *le sigh*....that term her used "Vibes"...usually only hippies, spiritualists, witches, etc like myself use that term lol...what prompted him so say that is me telling him I'm close to booking a major tour for a major group (cuz I am...yay!) and to keep his fingers crossed. He was like "dope! Will def keep my finger and toes crossed, plus send good vibes."...damn it just marry me, will you?! :lol: whatever, I know I'm acting juvie, but yeah, I feel what I feel...adult crushes smh ....cray! He's the freakin' one, mayne. Anyways, our convo stretched further, and i feel good about us "building." The saga continues, and you'll hear all about it, CL :lol:

So speaking of booking a tour for a major group, I don't wanna say who, but it COULD be happening...gotta sign them to the label first...YAAY! Not to mention all the music licensing deals i have coming up! My financial situation is looking up!! Career...check. Love life, check...yesssss!!! Bring it oooooon!!! I'm ready, universe....thank you!! :thanx: :thanx: :thanx: :thanx:




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 12.12.2016 at 11:24 AM


My friend's birthday get-together was at her house last night....nothing big, just some snacks, music, drank and laughter :lol: ....Somehow the convo turned to me and my situation with "A." She and my other friend...

You see...

Last week, I was at the mall and this guy approached me at a kiosk trying to sell me a shoe shine kit...(Tis the season , fa la la la la la la la la)...he shined m black boots, was very pleasant, etc. young black guy, looked to be in his 20s (I turned 30 this year, though i honestly still look 19-23.)...he asked for my number, i gave it to him after some hesitation....he texts later....I learn he's 21 :wow: .....a tinge too young for me, but i also learn he owns that kiosk, and another in another mall, is very ambitious....I didn't wanna date 21 year olds when I was 21!! I have a niece older than him lol..Honestly, his age turned me off some. When I told him my age, he said I dont look 30, and he honestly doesnt look 21.

Side note: I seem to be attracting men who own business (which is what I said I want to attract!)...which is good, right!? But I just can't seem to shake "A" from NYC.

My friends at the get-together: "You should just give the 21 year old a try!"

Me: .....

My one friend who's been with an a**hole for 3 years who's hit her (she has the scars to prove it), cheated on her, emotionally abusive, etc., says in a nutshell: "NY is doing nothing for you, you should move on. plus dude in NY is too skinny."

I'm thinking: Wait, so you can stay with an abuser for 3 years, who treated you like sh*t (and STILL trips from time to time), and YOU haven't moved on, but I should move on just because this guy who fits everything on my list (they know about my "list"), essentially my dream man, who has treated me with respect and chivalry and like the deserving queen I am :lol: , he frindzones me, and I should just move on cuz he frindzones me!?!? What? How? Oh, plus he's skinny! :lol: (She likes beefy, short meatheads who have mush for brains) I don't understand that logic.

They just don't get it *sigh*

I actually like beginning as friends. That what I wanted wit T, but we never got there...That's what I ALWAYS wanted, really. "A" has been extra texty last week. We have the same love for music, and we've been texting ion some friendly ish about the newest albums out. I've been sending him artists for his show. He convinced me to sign up for Spotify lol...asks me how I'm doing...friendly sh*t. I dig, i dig. Genuinely seems like a nice guy. I dont see how my friend cant see that. BUT she HAS been run over so many times by men that her world view is kinda f*cked up... Could me and "A" be platonic soulmates? Perhaps....I DO know he fancies racially ambiguous women, just by his IG posts (an old date from 2014, and a photo of a woman he posted on Twitter)....I'm definitely NOT that :lol: ...Do I feel like my chances are low because of that? Nope! Know why? Cuz I have signs from the universe to back me up on my gut's hunches that he's someone significant in my life.

Anyways...


Will I give the 21-year-old a chance? I doubt it. I regret even giving him my number. I think I did because y head was like, "You should move on from A," but my heart wont let me...yet....if it ever will...




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 12.19.2016 at 10:41 AM


I've been listening to my tarotscopes on Youtube for months now. For the past few weeks, I've been drawn to cards...playing cards. One evening I sat down and played a few rousing rounds of solitaire (my life is SO exciting :lol: )...I was looking at the symbols on them...I always felt like the meant something deeper than just playing canasta, bid whist or poker. I looked it up, and sure enough, playing cards were initially used in fortune telling, much like the tarot. Of course, the deck of playing cards and the symbols (hearts, spades, etc) are European based (the original coming out of Africa of course with different symbology), but that got me interested in learning how to read playing cards and tarot as a form of divination (cartomancy).

While cleaning up over the weekend, I kept seeing this deck of playing cards in the corner. I've seen them before and didn't understand them. The have a playing card in the corner, with a picture underneath, and an little blurb in the other corner. But this time, I picked them up, and realized they're fortune telling cards the "Gypsy Witch Fortune Telling" deck. How in the Sam Hill the got into this house, I will never know lol...but now I understood what these were for. I was a vibrational match for them, I guess.

I sage-sprayed the deck i found, and after researching a bit on how to use them, I wanted to ask them a few questions. I'm still confused about "A" because he was being texty the other week, now he didnt even answer my text about a video I sent him, being short, etc). So I asked as I was shuffling, "Is 'A' supposed to be a significant part of my life?" So first, I did a spread for myself and the overall message was great! A lot of friendship cards near me, one that said could turn into love. A lot of financial success cards near me also, which is great to hear also. The outer set had more cautionary things, but still over all good.

The deck I found in my house didn't have the joker cards, and I was kinda bummed because I needed those to ask a yes or no question (after shuffling, you count the cards out and when you get your answer when you get the joker; the answer is "yes" if its on an even number, and "no" if it's on an odd number.) So I thought, well, I can basically use a standard deck for that! So I whipped them out and asked it the same question "Is 'A' going to be a significant part of my life?" My joker landed on 26, even number... that's a yes! So that's another Yes (if you recall , i used the magic 8 ball before I went to NY and asked it the same thing, it told me flat out "Yes" then), so I'm not tripping...there have been so many signs, I guess I should just let it go and trust. So I did it again, and asked the deck a different question, this time about my tenture with this new company I'm working with. I asked if I will have success and acquire an income where I can live comfortably." My joker landed on 36...another even number, so another yes!

I guess my gut feelings are correct...I just have to chill out and see the results. I guess I've finally come to a place in my mind where I let it go...I completely surrender to the universe. The signs are telling me that he IS supposed to be a part of my life, but maybe it's years later....maybe our meeting was to show me that my ideal partner is on the way, an a way for the universe to force me to literally FEEL what it will be like when I finally meet and come in contact with the person I'm supposed to be with.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Universe. I surrender, I surrender, I surrender.

Keep you posted, CL. I'm out!!!

:wizard:




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 12.22.2016 at 01:40 PM


So here's the latest tea....

So Monday, I text A to see if he found his artists for his December showcase. He said he had and I asked him if he was exited to be going back home to his hometown for the holidays. He didn't reply until the next morning, saying he was, and his flight was slated to leave that afternoon, but as of then, he hadn't even packed yet and was still working. I replied with something like "You have packed yet?! Well I commend your ambition!"

Later on, as I was driving around running errands, and the idea hit me: what if we meet up while he's in town? We don't live in the same city, he's a three-hour drive away, about 200 miles, but a big "what if" popped into my head...it's certainly doable! So I was pondering about reaching out to ask if he's be down fro that, even texted my cousin who's been following this whole situation with him...

-"I wouldn't seem like a thirstbucket, would I?" I texted her.

-"Nah," she replied.

I began to weight things in my mind, basically overthinking and talking myself out of it from fear.

-"No I wont ask, " I replied..."Well, I'll be a thirstbucket damnit," i said.

She replied: " lol, well do it then."

One minute later (LITERALLY!!!!) "A" texts me like "Yup, missed my 4pm flight. Will have to catch the 6:30 one."

THAT WAS A SIGN!!!!!....:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I was literally JUST wondering if it was too late to ask, wondering if I should open up the convo again (cuz if I did, it would seem like I was thinking about him all day, which I was but he doesnt have to know :lol: ) ...PLUS, he rarely takes time to text me to update me about his situation. I wasn't expecting him to, but he did, almost like he's getting comfortable with me as a real "friend".

SO I asked if he's be down to meet up if he had time....he said he will keep me posted :-) ...then he began asking me questions if my fam goes up there for the holiday or they come down here. Basically, he was trying to see if I was gonna be up there anyways, which I explained, nope, the reason for my trip I was wanted to hang with him....so it's yet to be seen but very likely.

The reason I'm kinda tripping is cuz he has a photo of him walking the woods from last year on IG during his tenure home for the holidays. I personally like to take walks in our wooded parks where I live, and thought about us walking in the woods together and talking. An impromtu daydream (a.k. a "visualization" in the new age term), so something like that actually COULD happen..but literally that's how LOA works...visualization, reading the signs, taking inspired action...


I dunno.....we'll see!!! *shrug*

Happy holidays, CL!

:wizard:




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 12.31.2016 at 08:22 PM


It's New Year's Eve....

I sit here reflecting on the past year. So much has happened. As for travel (as I LOVE to travel), I went to Miami on an all-expense paid trip to cover an EP release in early May, Atlanta in July for my family reunion, and NYC in late October. All experiences I am grateful for and will cherish.

If last year was the beginning of my spiritual awakening, this year I began my practice and found out just how powerful I am.

I went into 2016 with two goals on my mind: to increase my income and to bring a long term love interest into my life. I manifested a new job opportunity, and a guy ("A") who fits almost everything on my famed list, both of which left me confused at the end of this year.

What had I done wrong?

Let's rewind, shall we?

So when I left off, I was contemplating driving to Detroit to see "A" over holiday break. That Monday, decided not to. I felt I would be doing TOO much. So Monday morning, I was laying in bed. Fun fact: I occasionally like to listen to other people's LOA stories on Youtube...hearing stories like that never fail to amaze me lol. So I stumble one one where a girl is talking about how she met an amazing guy. So she's telling her story and she's saying how she wrote out a list of qualities he wants in a perfect guy, when only 10 days later she meets him. I'm thinking, wow, that's prett much exactly what happened to me! Then she gets to his name....her guy has the EXACT same first name as my guy "A"!!! I'm like omg, ANOTHER sign! So I took that sign to mean that the universe was supporting me in my decision to not go see him...as if to say, "Don't sweat it. You're still on the right track, even though it might not seem like it."

So long story short, me and "A" exchanged Xmas pleasantries via text, and at one point, I asked him how his holiday was, and he never answered. Now's he's a slow texter anyway, so I'm used to it, but something about this time made me say "I'm done. I let go."

I deleted his number out my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to reach out to him. I let it go, no more resistance. Guided meditations to help me emotionally tear myself away from him. Then just an hour or so ago, I stumbled across this article that confirms what happened, what went wrong, and why letting go is the best thing for me to do. Basically, I tamped with the energy flow by labeling him "the one," causing a vibration of lack, and when that happens, you attract more lack. Hence, why everything went south when it had so much potential.

Here's a snippet of the article:

"While this man youíre attracted to may or may not have the ability to become a match to what you want, itís better to work off the assumption that he might not be, and stay open to all possibilities. This is because working off the assumption that he is the one, which is what youíre currently doing, often causes us to determine that he MUST be the one (instead of he COULD be the one), which pinches off energy. Whenever we decide that what we want has to come to us in a specific way, we close off all the other avenues through which it can come. We actually shut down the energy flow, which is very, very painful. Incidentally, we also pinch off the energy flow if we decide that what we want canít come to us in a certain way (like deciding that we want money, but it shouldnít come to us through our parents). In other words, whenever we try to control HOW what we want comes to us in any way, we slow down or ďresistĒ the energy flow. And that causes negative emotions. When someone comes into your reality who matches a lot of what you want, we feel the resonance of all the points in which they already match what we want, and we get excited. Our emotions soar. So far, nothing has gone wrong.But thenÖ we decide that he must be ďthe oneĒ, that he must be a match to EVERYTHING we want, and we latch on to the idea that this is it, weíve made it, the long and lonely wait is finally over. No, we introduce the element of NEED into the equation. We desperately want him to be the one, we canít conceive of the idea that he might not be. If not him, then who? Why not now? How freaking long is this going to take, anyway? What if it never happens? No, it must be him. Heís here now, and itís just GOT to be him. Also, no one has ever come closer to matching what we want. We canít possibly do better than this. Sure, we donít know everything about him, but he seems bloody perfect, and so he probably is, right? Oh God, what if this is our last chance? What if no one even remotely as good as this ever comes along again? It HAS to be him, dammit! Do you feel the desperation oozing from these words? That, my dear, is not alignment. Thatís negative emotion....The fact that he isnít yet perfect is NOT an indication that the final model isnít coming. And yes, it is possible that as you align with what you truly want, that this particular man could become a match to you and begin to like you back."

Read the entire article here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2013/03/26/dear-loa-what-if-i-found-my-soul-mat...

I have to realign myself in both my love and career life. I'm looking forward to 2017 so I can have another chance to do so.

So when it comes to my love life, I'm letting go, and honestly, it feels GREAT! I'm taking my power back. Quantum physics tells us there's infinite possibilities out there, and what we expect is what it is. So I expect to earn a certain amount of money next year, I expect to realign myself and continue attracting amazing men into my reality. I expect to enter a new chapter in my life, because I honestly feel a huge change is coming.


Happy New Year, my loyal readers and CL!!!! Thanks for letting me vent and (anonymously) share my life with you all.

2017, let's GOOOOOOOO!!!!

:wizard:




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 1.7.2017 at 01:41 PM


Last week was interesting....just goes to show when you let go, THINGS HAPPEN.

My last post was all about me letting my tense energy go regarding "A" for the new year, and let whatever happen, happen. I was so determined that he was "the one" and that I was forcing convos to happen and he would take forever to reply, but I would see him on Facebook (clearly on his phone), and that would piss me off, so I deleted him as a friend on Facebook to ease my emotions. I also deleted him from my phone (he wasn't replying anyway!), so I left it up to the universe. I did MY part. I switched m focus back onto me, and opened up my awareness that it may be someone else coming into my life.

My last convo with his was me venting via text about what I was gonna do regarding my career. If I should quit the blog or not. I was like 'Sorry, I'm venting." Then I texted him, "How was your holiday?" This was about 3 days before New Year's Day (Dec 27th, I guess)....I didnt hear from him until 5 days later.

This week, on Tuesday, he replied in a series of texts, "Omg, [my name], I'm so sorry again! I'm such an airhead when it comes to telecommunication sometimes (bored face emoji). Happy New Year!!! No need to apologize for venting. I understand. Feel free to call and your welcome to pick my brain about stuff one of these days. How was your holiday?"

This mysterious, somewhat distant Scorpio (what's up with all water signs and yall's detached asses? :lol: ) extends an invitation that I can call him (hell, cuz who knows when I'm gonna get a reply txt lol)....I was happy as a blue-nosed gopher :lol: :cloud: ....I foreshadowed that this will be the way we "build." Him saing I "dont have to apologize for venting" lets me know that's an invite to "vent" more often to him. An invitation to open up to him more....to develop something deeper. I just hope he opens up to me, too though.

So I replied basically, "HNY,...all good, I'm used to your texting style now lol. My holiday was cool," yada yada yada, small talk about the holiday.

Two days later....

I get a friend request on Facebook...and guess who it is....it's "A"! :lol: I didn't seriously think he would even notice we weren't friends on FB anymore, but, he clearly tried to look me up on FB, and when he saw we weren't connected via the social network anymore, he requested me again. I was like :shock: ....so he DO be trying to peep my lean on social media. :lol: Not only that, he "liked" my most recent post, and I got a message via FB Messenger (that I've never gotten from anyone when I add them on FB) saying "You are now connected on messenger." Whaaaat? I've NEVER gotten that message before when I accept friend requests, bit now I get it when i add him? Did he do something on his end for me to get that message other than get that app? And if he simply got that app, why was facebook telling ME? Plus he's NEVER liked anything of mine on any social media platform that we're connected on. Why now? My latest post (the post he "liked") was posted 2 months ago lol...Maybe he felt bad about standing my text up...who knows. Not to mention, as I'm literally looking at FB on my computer screen, the affirmation app on m phone dings, telling me that I'm "attracting respectful, healthy, emotionally mature men into my dating life." Ha! I swear, I can't make this ish up. Thanks for the nod, universe!

"They say if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back it's yours, and that's how you know." -Christina Aguilera, "What A Girl Wants," circa 1999. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I let it go, and sure enough, he came back, clearly trying to make his presence known to me and that he's wants to be there for me in some way. A good sign, I deduce. So on Friday, I call him and we have about a half-hour convo about the questions I had for him regarding my career. He was friendly as always, a total sweetheart, but all business. So knowledgeable. His knowledge and ambition is SO attractive to me. Ugh. So I was happy to have him helping me. We could be so amazing together :lol:

So I'm STILL letting it go, not stressing about him. I'll be fine with or without him as the romantic partner I want. I'm grateful to have him as the supportive role he's playing in my life right now (supportive being a trait I put on my famed "list"). Could this be the beginning of us "building" whatever we're "building"????


You already know I'll keep y'all posted, CL




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browngrl86
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[*] posted on 2.8.2017 at 07:13 PM


I. CAAAAAAAN'T!!

What is this feeling, CL? Why do I STILL think about this man day and night? It's like his presence is forever in the back of my mind, non-stop!

And I'm here we are again, CL. That's right, I've disconnected m ties with him on all social media platforms. It was taking a toll on me emotionally. Constant reminders of how amazing I think he is and how he's not giving me the time of day.

Last month, I had about five dreams about this man, three of which happened three nights in a row. In one of those dreams, he hands me a paper, and on the paper was a list. I'm reading the list, and I'm noticing there traits of a person, and then I notice those traits are describing me! As soon as I realize this, I wake up. The next night, I had a dream that was loosely based off of my time in NYC. In he dream, he came to visit me where I live, and I just remember us walking around this mall, just enjoying each others's company. The next night, the dream was once again loosely based on my NYC trip, but this one was drama filled. It was loosely based off of the drama with the other chick i met when we were at that DJ concert...it the dream, i just remember running down the street, and at one point i was yelling at him "I knew it! You like her, then be with her! why did you lead me on!?" And another dream was us being intimate.

Dreams aside, on the real-life side ( :lol: ), I forgot to tell you, after he re-friended me on FB and I think it was during the text convo when he said I could call him one day to get some insight on some things regarding career. So after he re-friended me on FB and I accepted, the next day I called him to ask for advice about my career, as it requires somewhat of the same skill set as his. Convo went well, gave good info. I guess he and I were trying to test this "friendship"...he was trying to be there for me, and I, of course, want more lol..I always want deeper conversations, that's the sting of being friendzoned, though.

So not too long after that, he checks up on my progress with the advice he gave and to see about one of his clients on my end. His reply? "Good idea *wink emoji"....why? That damn wink face, whyyy would he do that knowing how i feel about him? Is he stringing me along?

Not too long after that, I see on IG he posted a story that he had flew down to Miami for the weekend and posted and IG story kicking it with some friends. I LOVE his carefree lifestyle...like I said, that's a quality I wanted on m list.I commented "Nice!" he replied with the excited face emoji. I envisoned I was with him on that vacay? Why can't he see how perfect we are together?????

Then about 4 weeks ago, I sent him a demo of a song I'm working on...he said he would listen...its been about three weeks and he's still yet to (large files tell me when when the receiver downloads it) even after i sent it again. I sent it a second time because he sent a press release , and i replied mentioning that I wish I could go to the event, and he replied that he hasn't forgot about me, that he will listen to m music, so i resent the file...still hasn't opened it, so I told myself forget it.

He clearly doesn't care.

I've been in emotional wreck just seeing him on social media, being gorgeous, fabulous, and amazing knowing he's throwing me crumbs because he simply doesn't feel the same is a sick, slow kind of emotional torture. SO, with that being said, as of today, he's deleted from my socials because I CAAAAAAAN'T!! It's not being petty, or immature, rather its to save my sanity, heal, and hopefully, move on. I have to remind myself to treat him as a regular business contact next time sends me a press release, no small talk, nothing. Cordial, short answers, because I can't invest anymore of m energy into this. Plus with Valentine's Day on the way?? Maaaan, listen...Nope, nope, nopity, nope! If he asks to hear my song one day, I'll probably just tell him never mind, real talk lol (I sent it to the person who matters, anyway...this was just something to give me a reason to keep talking to him) It hurts, it's like I'm going through a break up all over again, even though we were never together. Hard to explain and sounds crazy to outsiders. But you feel me, right, CL? :lol: So anways, I've been mopey all day....

The grieving process begins....

However, synchronicity is alive and well...the universe is always trying to send us messages! One day last week, I was witnessed an argument between my friend and her crazy ass boyfriend. I was in a good mood prior, but then had to leave and our plans were thwarted because of it. I went home sad for her, and hoping she could leave that [Censored], and told the universe that I don't was negative people like that around me. I get home, and i get an IG notification on my phone telling me I have a new follower: "Positive energy is now following you," my phone told me. HAAAAAA! Can't make this stuff up! An inspirational page named "Positive energy" began to follow me on IG, the universe is literally reassuring me that all is well and shall be well!

I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from this situation, but obviously, it's gonna be ok :-)




No God, no peace

Know God, know peace
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