Cocoa Lounge
[Login ]
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this page
Go To Bottom
Printable Version | Subscribe | Add to Favorites  
 Pages:  1  ..  3  4  5
Author: Subject: Lookin' in the mirror and LoViN' it!
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 9.17.2010 at 09:44 PM
How to Identify Your Purpose


Your purpose is whatever energizes you. Essentially, what would you be doing if you were independently wealthy or money was no issue? Think about what drives you. What do you do that makes you lose track of time because you are so heavily involved in it? What makes your heart light? What makes you feel like you are really contributing to society? Your purpose does not have to be one thing, and it can change over time. But at any given point, your priority should be on what wakes you up/gets you out of bed? I went through a pretty intense self-discovery process because I was interested in and talented at so many things--a mixed blessing. I had to use my intuition and later my purpose struck me like a ton of bricks. It took over a year, perhaps 2. But now I'm on the right path. Try making a list of all the things that make you super happy; out of the first five you list is more than likely your purpose!!



What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 10.8.2010 at 09:04 AM
The Great "Recession"


I know what the recession feels like....not just the rhetoric. Recession, over last year (Oct 2009)? Hardly.

Those who will only "know" about the recession but NOT really feel it includes: people who have had a steady job throughout the recession and lost no income during this period, people who are independently wealthy, college students and people in school who are being financially taken care of by external funds, people who maintained a house/home with no financial problems throughout the recession, people who were not looking for a job. These are just examples of people who will have knowledge of the recession but may be totally disconnected. Granted, almost every field from banking to retail and education to social work has experienced loss of business, funding, and other dire financial situations. However, an organizational "feeling" of the recession does not necessarily mean that the individual working at these organizations truly "felt" the recession. Still, some people may have been anxious about losing their jobs, which is undoubtedly a "feeling" of the recession.

Allow me to stop to describe what is the difference between "knowing" and (the yet elusive) "feeling" the recession. When an organization or individual "knows" about the recession, they may understand the facts of the recession, including that the middle class is disappearing, that 1 in 7 Americans are now in poverty, that in one year the number of people on welfare has jumped from 35 M to 41 M, that people are perpetually collecting unemployment, that people are afraid to lose their jobs, that losing one's job has caused people so much despair that they have "ended it all" and in fact even "ended it all" for family members, co-workers and others, that businesses have cut back several millions of jobs, that Americans are saving now more than ever before, that the credit industry has finally busted because they can no longer offer as much credit and people are using far less credit, that almost every market is faltering and people's homes are getting foreclosed left and right...even for millionaires, that people are losing their cars, light, and electricity, and that people can not find a job to quite literally save their lives. Indeed, these are not exhaustive examples of the brute of the recession, but these are some of the facts that people who "know" about the recession either from mass media or even the experiences of other people around them, that they can go by to actually have any recollection of the recession when it indeed is finally over.

However, the people who "feel" the recession are those people connected to the previous examples. When we move from knowing the recession to feeling the recession, the real change is now from the physical to the ideological. Our knowing comes from our sight, what we see in the physical. Our feelings come from our heart and mind, the bases of which are ideological. When the recession is over, for those who feel the recession, the scars of the pain, the depression, the anxiety, and in fact the grief of the recession will stay with them for quite a while, regardless of the physical--or what can be seen. Those who feel the recession ask, how am I going to be able to feed my children? how will I pay for childcare? how will I take care of my sick parent? where will I go when they foreclose my home? when will I find a job and what will I do until then (financially and for livelihood)? how will I be able to do everything without my car? How will I be able to work at full capacity having been out of a job for so long?

Yet, these questions do not begin to cover what these people feel internally.

Shame-how can I be proud to look any of my relatives or friends in the eye knowing that my whole world is falling apart? when I am not who I used to be? Plus, people are telling me left and right what to feel or how to feel, or telling me all the things that I am doing wrong on the interviews or putting me on edge about my level of work at work. They say, maybe I am lacking confidence or enthusiasm. I think, maybe I am lacking pride in my life...I am ashamed of myself.

Emptiness-who am I anymore? I no longer have a job (especially not to meet my credentials for those kicked out of high-paying jobs), and I spend all my days looking for work...even though at some point I gave up looking for work. I no longer have a livelihood, something to wake me up in the morning, something to engage me. I have no or low sense of identity. I am idle....I feel useless.

Guilt-how will I provide for my family? Resources are tight , and besides living expenses, I still have to pay for educational expenses or work or interview expenses. how can I fire this person with 5 kids who has been a great asset to my company? I barely fed my newborn baby today...I am letting people down.

Envy/Nostalgia-why do some people keep their jobs while others do not? Was my co-worker well-connected to the brother of the CEO, because I damn sure did a better job than he did but they kept him? I wish I was back in school, because those were better days when I did not have these financial burdens. I'm sure the government can fund me for school now given my lack of income. I remember those days when I was accomplished at work and even a bit revered if I do say so myself. What's wrong with me?...I want my life back.

Mental/Physical Fatigue-why is it so hard to get up in the morning? I will not find a job, so why even try? They always have something to say at work, so why even bother? My rent/mortgage is 4 months past due, so why even think about it?...I give up.

Numbness/Apathy-how do I stop myself from being bothered before I go absolutely crazy? I do not want to deal with people because I am ashamed, I lack any livelihood, I am hurting people, I have lost so much, and/or other people are better off than me. My lights are out, my kids are starving, and I am not up to much of anything. My experience in the recession is too much to bear...I am shutting down.

If you have ever felt any combination of these "symptoms", you have probably "felt" the recession.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 11.18.2010 at 10:20 AM
Obama's Presidency


I am a full Obama supporter. This blog post is simply for record's sake. This is what I like to think about Obama's critics: You are just mad that he is THE best president we ever had. Below is a NY Times article about his work. Frank Schaeffer is a New York Times best selling author.



"Obama Will Triumph -- So Will America
By Frank Schaeffer

Before he'd served even one year President Obama lost the support of the easily distracted left and engendered the white hot rage of the hate-filled right. But some of us, from all walks of life and ideological backgrounds -- including this white, straight, 57-year-old, former religious right wing agitator, now progressive writer and (given my background as the son of a famous evangelical leader) this unlikely Obama supporter -- are sticking with our President.
Why?-- because he is succeeding.

We faithful Obama supporters still trust our initial impression of him as a great, good and uniquely qualified man to lead us.

Obama's steady supporters will be proved right. Obama's critics will be remembered as easily panicked and prematurely discouraged at best and shriveled hate mongers at worst.

The Context of the Obama Presidency

Not since the days of the rise of fascism in Europe , the Second World War and the Depression has any president faced more adversity. Not since the Civil War has any president led a more bitterly divided country. Not since the introduction of racial integration has any president faced a more consistently short-sighted and willfully ignorant opposition - from both the right and left.

As the President's poll numbers have fallen so has his support from some on the left that were hailing him as a Messiah not long ago; all those lefty websites and commentators that were falling all over themselves on behalf of our first black president during the 2008 election.

The left's lack of faith has become a self-fulfilling "prophecy"-- snipe at the President and then watch the poll numbers fall and then pretend you didn't have anything to do with it!

Here is what Obama faced when he took office-- none of which was his fault:

# An ideologically divided country to the point that America was really two countries

# Two wars; one that was mishandled from the start, the other that was unnecessary and immoral

# The worst economic crisis since the depression

# America 's standing in the world at the lowest point in history

# A country that had been misled into accepting the use of torture of prisoners of war

# A health care system in free fall

# An educational system in free fall

# A global environmental crisis of history-altering proportions (about which the Bush administration and the Republicans had done nothing)

# An impasse between culture warriors from the right and left

# A huge financial deficit inherited from the terminally
irresponsible Bush administration.

And those were only some of the problems sitting on the President's desk!

"Help" from the Right?

What did the Republicans and the religious right, libertarians and half-baked conspiracy theorists -- that is what the Republicans were reduced to by the time Obama took office -- do to "help" our new president (and our country) succeed? They claimed that he wasn't a real American, didn't have an American birth certificate,
wasn't born here, was secretly a Muslim, was white-hating "racist", was secretly a communist, was actually the Anti-Christ, (!) and was a reincarnation of Hitler and wanted "death panels" to kill the elderly!

They not-so-subtly called for his assassination through the not-so-subtle use of vile signs held at their rallies and even a bumper sticker quoting Psalm 109:8. They organized "tea parties" to sound off against imagined insults and all government in general and gathered to howl at the moon. They were led by insurance industry lobbyists and deranged (but well financed) "commentators" from Glenn Beck to Rush Limbaugh.

The utterly discredited Roman Catholic bishops teamed up with the utterly discredited evangelical leaders to denounce a president who was trying to actually do something about the poor, the environment, to diminish the number of abortions through compassionate programs to help women and to care for the sick! And
in Congress the Republican leadership only knew one word: "No!"

In other words the reactionary white, rube, uneducated, crazy American far right,combined with the educated but obtuse neoconservative war mongers, religious right shills for big business, libertarian Fed Reserve-hating gold bug, gun-loving crazies, child-molesting acquiescent "bishops", frontier loons and evangelical gay-hating flakes found one thing to briefly unite them: their desire to stop an uppity black man from succeeding at all costs!

"Help" from the Left?

What did the left do to help their newly elected president? Some of them excoriated the President because they disagreed with the bad choices he was being forced to make regarding a war in Afghanistan that he'd inherited from the worst president in modern history!

Others stood up and bravely proclaimed that the President's economic policies had "failed" before the President even instituted them! Others said that since all gay rights battles had not been fully won within virtually minutes of the President taking office, they'd been "betrayed"! (Never mind that Obama's vocal support to the gay community is stronger than any other president's has been. Never mind that he signed a new hate crimes law!)

Those that had stood in transfixed legions weeping with beatific emotion on election night turned into an angry mob saying how "disappointed" they were that they'd not all immediately been translated to heaven the moment Obama stepped into the White House! Where was the "change"? Contrary to their expectations they were still mere mortals!

And the legion of young new supporters was too busy texting to pay attention for longer than a nanosecond. "Governing"?! What the hell does that word, uh, like mean?"

The President's critics left and right all had one thing in common: impatience laced with little-to-no sense of history (let alone reality) thrown in for good measure. Then of course there were the white, snide know-it-all commentators/talking heads who just couldn't imagine that maybe, just maybe they weren't as smart as they thought they were and certainly not as smart as their president. He hadn't consulted them, had he? So he must be wrong!

The Obama critics' ideological ideas defined their idea of reality rather than reality defining their ideas-say, about what is possible in one year in office after the hand that the President had been dealt by fate, or to be exact by the American idiot nation that voted Bush into office. twice!

Meanwhile back in the reality-based community - in just 12 short months -- President Obama:

#Continued to draw down the misbegotten war in Iraq
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Thoughtfully and decisively picked the best of several bad choices regarding the war in Afghanistan
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Gave a major precedent-setting speech supporting gay rights (But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Restored America 's image around the globe
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Banned torture of American prisoners
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stopped the free fall of the American economy
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Put the USA squarely back in the bilateral international community (But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Put the USA squarely into the middle of the international effort to halt global warming
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stood up for educational reform
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Won a Nobel peace prize
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Moved the trial of terrorists back into the American judicial system of checks and balances
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Did what had to be done to start the slow, torturous and almost impossible process of health care reform that 7 presidents had failed to even begin
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Responded to hatred from the right and left with measured good humor and patience
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stopped the free fall of job losses
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Showed immense personal courage in the face of an armed and dangerous far right opposition that included the sort of disgusting people that show up at public meetings carrying loaded weapons and carrying Timothy McVeigh-inspired signs about the "blood of tyrants" needing to "water the tree of liberty". (But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Showed that he could not only make the tough military choices but explain and defend them brilliantly
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

Other than those "disappointing" accomplishments -- IN ONE YEAR -- President Obama "failed"! Other than that he didn't "live up to expectations"!

Who actually has failed...

...are the Americans that can't see the beginning of a miracle of national rebirth right under their jaded noses. Who failed are the smart ass ideologues of the left and right who began rooting for this President to fail so that they could be proved right in their dire and morbid predictions. Who failed are the movers and shakers behind our obscenely dumb news cycles that have turned "news" into just more stupid entertainment for an entertainment-besotted infantile country.

Here's the good news: President Obama is succeeding without the help of his lefty "supporters" or hate-filled Republican detractors!

The Future Looks Good

After Obama has served two full terms, (and he will), after his wisdom in moving deliberately and cautiously with great subtlety on all fronts -- with a canny and calculating eye to the possible succeeds, (it will), after the economy is booming and new industries are burgeoning, (they will be), after the doomsayers are all proved not just wrong but silly: let the record show that not all Americans were panicked into thinking the sky was falling.

Just because we didn't get everything we wanted in the first short and fraught year Obama was in office not all of us gave up. Some of us stayed the course. And we will be proved right.

PS. if you agree that Obama is shaping up to be a great president, please pass this on and hang in there! Pass it on anyway to ensure that his "report card" gets the attention it deserves."




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 11.2.2011 at 12:14 AM
And the beat goes on....


Normally I would start a blog entry about him with lyrics from a recent song that accurately depicts how I am currently feeling about him. Right now, there is no song to quite do that. Music today continues to die slowly and painfully. Thankfully, he still sees the beauty in music.

You see, he is a lover of music. The words. The sounds. The bass. The unsung. He can stop midway in a conversation and just listen to the beat of the music while we drive bumping the radio. He would say, "Hold on baby" and gradually turn up the dial. I will give him a moment of silence in recognition....of this moment. That moment in which the music becomes him. He embraces the music. The moment when it's just him and the music. Within seconds, he is back to me. We continue our conversation. We continue like we have not missed a beat....because in essence, we have not missed that beat.

I am hoping that his love for music will carry me through this dead period of music, to a day when music once again enlivens me, feels me with joy, touches me, makes my body rock, conjures my soul to dance. It used to do that to me. Now all I think about is whether the singer is a member of a dark, underworld group. Whether there are subliminal messages that I am missing. Whether there are symbols in the words, in the sounds....more especially, in the videos. I am consumed and disgusted by the idea that all this time, music was a lie. And I lied with it. Still, now that this possibility has been made known to me...I hesitate to let the music rock me, to let the music sway me. I have no idea whether it's swaying me in a way that I did not give it permission to.

I wake up with these popular songs in my head but why? Sure, it's catchy but does it mean anything? Does it personally touch me? Do I only try to peg it as relevant? I feel like any relevancy that music today has relies on my making intellectual and emotional stretches. The relevancy is simply not there. I want to be moved, grooved, not hypnotized and robotic. Why all the darkness and pseudo-religious intonations, visuals, and symbols? Am I looking too deeply? Even gospel music has taken on a chaotic mindset for me. I want to go back to "Our God is an Awesome God".....not this music that sounds like heavy metal, rap, R&B, soul, screetching and screaming all mixed together. Bring me some peace, some tranquility. I appreciate those type of songs.

I used to love music like I love him. Music was my refuge. Music was my asylum. Music turned me on, out, and up. But now it just turns me off, inward, shuts me down. I'm kind of relying on his continuous love for music to hold me through this time of resistance.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 11.2.2011 at 12:26 AM
Magic


My mirror.

There is a magic when I look into you, look through you. You have a heart as big as an ocean, open to all, easy to drown in, potentially overtaking, clear in its most beautiful form, beautiful as it receives light, everlasting through storms. He is a rock, appearing solid even in the face of a crack, so hard that you can't quite crack it singlehandedly, able to rest on, heavy, deep, unstoppable, sometimes immovable. Magic.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 5.9.2012 at 10:00 PM
The Measure of a Man - 4Him


The following are the lyrics to a song that I have never heard...that I have only had the pleasure of reading because an author mentioned it in his book...I know nothing about the artists, the songwriters, the sound, the video, just the words...and I can move to this...


This world can analize and size you up and throw you on the scales
They can I.Q. you and run you through
Their rigorous details
They can do their best to rate you
And they'll place you on the charts
And then back it up with scientific smarts
But there's more to what you're worth
Than their human eyes can see
Oh, I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
Well, you can doubt your worth
And search for who you are
And where you stand
But God made you in His image
When He formed you in His hands
And He looks at you with mercy
And He sees you through His love
You're His child and that will always be enough
For there's more to what you're worth
Than you could ever comprehend
Oh I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
You can spend your life persuing physical perfection
There is so much more
More than ever meets the eye
For God looks through the surface
And He defines your worth by what is on the inside
I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
Oh, I say the measure of
The measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand,
How wealthy or intelligent you are
Oh, I've found the measure of a man
God knows and understands it
For He looks to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
Yeah, what's in the heart defines
Yeah, what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
I know, I know




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 5.9.2012 at 10:37 PM
The Journey Begins


In 2009, I applied to 5 universities for my PhD and was rejected to all of them. I knew in my heart, despite the outcome, that God wanted me to press forward toward my PhD goal. Because a Bill-Gates-funded position, national publication and a masters degree later, I was applying to PhD programs again. God being so kind, I wanted a fellowship--essentially a scholarship whereby I could get tuition support and a stipend. I prayed ceaselessly and held strong on faith.

Do you know that God showed up and showed out?!!

In 2012, I got into multiple PhD programs. I became the recipient of not one, not two, not three, but FOUR fellowships!!! And any time I mention it, I get tears in my eyes. Look at God! Look at God!

Because that was not even the end.

God wanted to really make a statement. In the PhD program that I finally chose, I received the highest fellowship offered by the institution--not the Dean's fellowship, no. Not the President's fellowship, no. God said that He wanted to give me the TRUSTEES fellowship....all for being patient and putting all my faith in Him. Let me tell you something, God is so good. He even through in the package that I would study where the weather was favorable, the city was a #1 tourist destination, the faculty appreciated me, the students knew me, the university was one of the largest in the nation (good networking), campus beautiful, a lively spirited school...you know, favorable things to make me comfortable for the next few years.


Only God knows the pain I endured from the initial rejections. But as soon as all the rejections came in, God told me that I am not a failure by any means. I knew in my heart that my heart's desires were there for a reason. There is something I need to do for God in this life utilizing this degree, some way somehow.

I did not want this PhD degree for vanity. If that were the case, I would have gotten a real degree: MD (lol). I truly believed and believe that this is my path, my calling, to follow. And God will not guide me where he can not carry me through. I thank you Daddy [God].




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 11.23.2012 at 07:17 PM
If You're Cool, Then I'm Cool


We don't have to worry about no money...to have us a real good time; And we don't have to leave in the morning...the whole day just you and I; And it don't have to get any better...it's perfect you in my life.

If you're cool then I'm cool then we're cool.

I am slowly but surely finding my way back to music, trying to be like the masses: oblivious to the occultic symbolism. Meanwhile, I am embracing my mirror ever the more.

When I was struggling recently, he really helped me out. And I am just grateful to have him in my life.

It's one thing to love a man. It's another thing loving to have a man. And a completely other thing loving how a man treats you. Where all these feelings intersect is where true inloveness buds and resides.

I was just riding around today thinking about him. Thinking about how we met. The day we met. How he striked me as just simply a good human being, true and genuine. These types are few and fare between. It's bad enough good people are hard to come by but there are many "good" people struggling with their own goodness everyday, backtracking, mistaking, reverting, chestbeating, selfish, actually wanting to be bad, flipflopping, questioning...I mean, if you are going to be good just be good through and through. :ummm: BELIEVE in your own goodness. And do not allow the horror that is the world taint that goodness or change it.

I can't say the man is perfect because Lord knows he has his faults but it is one thing to admit to mistakes and fix them and quite another to make the mistake and try to justify it. Or worse, continue it. I knew then I had a different kind of man.

Just sitting, talking, and kicking it with him is like the best thing in the world. I know I have a kindred spirit with me. Lovable, laughable, so so...real.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 11.23.2012 at 07:27 PM
Sexly


He is so sexy, he is sexly.

Not only do I love his frameless glasses that are all the rage in my book...and in other places, so is his ability to speak Igbo.

I am Nigerian and he is Nigerian. Both of my parents are Nigerian. He was actually born in Nigeria and I was not. We both however are Igbo Nigerian. So by descent and heritage, I am Igbo. But he also has the nationality--he is Nigerian by birth. However, I do not speak Igbo language very well. I understand words and phrases and common conversation but I could not carry or hear a complex conversation.

So he only speaks to me in English...but when he speaks to other Igbo Nigerians, he speaks in Igbo. I get a tad jealous (but not really)...and I also get turned on...*all the way on*. He sounds so exceedingly attractive when he speaks Igbo. I look at him like he has four heads when he starts (naturally) speaking Igbo to others though because I am so used to him speaking English.

I need to learn Igbo quick quick. So that way we can both talk sexly together.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 12.1.2012 at 12:13 PM
Spiritual Eye


This post will be a stream of consciousness that I hope to fill in at a future date:


Looking at life through a spiritual eye requires sensitivity to spiritual matters and a cursory understanding of your day-to-day challenges through this framework.

I tend to see life in seasons. I was in a season of "talking" for several years and I recently shifted into a season of discipline. My talking season involved giving people more of myself through word. I was usually inhibited when it came to writing and speaking my mind. Even when I wrote songs or essays for schools, it would take me hours just to write a few lines or one paragraph. I would often speak concisely and with little explication or elaboration of where my thought processes were headed, thinking that everyone was filling in the blanks with knowledge and information I took for granted. But God helped me to unleash the beast, so to speak, and compelled me to open up more.

I was required to let people know what I had gone through in my life, write without stopping without scratch outs, create writing pieces more and more often, write long drawn-out logically sound papers within a short timeframe, inform others of my accomplishments and failures and how I overcame them, give people more advice with as much details as I could muster, talk with as much explication as I could. For so long, people could barely hear me because I assumed I was saying enough. But how can you help people if they have no idea how to use you?

From this season, I was able to write better papers for school, write blogs, do better presentations, participate more and stronger in graduate school courses, have my family and friends grow to understand me better...and hopefully, ultimately, it will help people whom I encounter on a daily basis. I feel like God needed me to let it all out and stop being so inside myself in order to grow and become the woman He needs me to be for the next stages in my life, in which people need to know what kind of vessel I am.

When you use your spiritual eye, you can come to know when your seasons are shifting, when one season has transformed into another, especially if you are opening to "hearing" God. I think every one hears God differently but some people are more open to listening. In 2009, God moved me into my talking season--I remember the time, date, where I was, what took place, and how I reacted. In the summer of 2012, I entered my season of discipline. Now that people were beginning to know and understand me, I needed to learn how to keep me together, how to strengthen myself. That required loads of discipline. This is not to say I was an undisciplined person but everybody at some point in their lives need to pull back some in certain areas of their lives.

In this season, however, I was prepared to enhance most areas in my life. I needed a physical diet, a mental diet, an emotional diet, a financial diet, a spiritual diet, etc. But all of that was overwhelming to do all at once. Fortunately, God is helping me attack each one by one. And besides, seasons can last days or years so sometimes we need to be patient with ourselves.

When I master one thing, God has placed challenges meant to help me grow in another area. For example, working out and eating healthier is getting easier, so God has gently moved my focus from the physical diet to the emotional/ spiritual diet and challenged me to start working on my spiritual work. now that I am in a new state, I am getting to know people but many of them do not believe in God, do not talk about God, or, if they believe in God, they have seemed a little harder to reach. Therefore, I am surrounded by people who challenge me as a God-loving woman, because God is absent in their walk or talk so I refrain from that discussion mostly. But regardless of what, I love the God in them...and I am determined to see this scenario through the spiritual eye. I will get better by being even stronger and more intimate with God throughout this social experience of Godlessness.

It is important to see life through the spiritual eye because it keeps us closer to God and always checking in to what He is trying to teach us now. Similar to the academic field which requires me to use an analytical mind and think about the unseen and the underlying taken-for-granted assumptions of life, the spiritual eye requires me to look underneath what is actually going on in my life to look for its meaning.

In the end just like in the academic world where you will never know everything even about the most minute topic, with the spiritual eye you can only get a glimpse of what may be the meanings behind what is happening in your life. After all, God is so infinite. Making meaning out of things in a human sense is limited but there is value in walking with God and staying in tune to what he needs from you now. What matters is that you be patient with yourself and try not to look at life in the worldly sense. Ask yourself, what am I meant to learn now? What is this experience really teaching me? If we think just a little deeper about what is happening to us even in the small ways that they are happening, we can draw what the problem is, what we might be meant to learn, go about learning it by overcoming, and move on to the next challenge.

All that we see and all that we do is vanity. It is God that matters most and who we are to Him and in Him.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 6.5.2013 at 01:12 PM
When the going gets tough....


Looking at other options, I want to hold onto my own so tight.

My first year in my PhD program was a traumatic experience for me. Sixty hours spent on each weekly assignments in one data analysis course last semester took the cake. I feel burnt out yet I have so many more hoops to jump like finishing one more year of coursework, my four 5-hour comprehensive exams, my dissertation proposal, my dissertation and defense. Not to mention the dreaded rat race to tenure that are a crapload more than grad school of hoops to hop, skip and jump (through fire). However, if I just sit and think of where I could be, I decide that I will take this trauma and go on a jolly ride!

The thing about me is that I spent the last 7 years of my life doing so much research on so many different fields or tracks I could have followed that I know this is my greatest option. Law is too aggressive for me and can involve much dishonesty. Besides how they write things is too off-putting. Medicine is too boring for me, and I do not think I can sustain interest in it long enough to be on-call regularly. The requirements for nursing is just as rigorous as medicine, if not harder, and yet they get paid so much less. And if law is aggressive, then I do not know what business is....on the nice side, business is cutthroat. It's just not my type of environment. Even when I ran into health administration types (and you would think health would signify gentleness of some sort), they were also frigid, aggressive types with a stick up their butts (though they smiled a lot more). I also considered engineering (which would require me to change my whole mode of thinking and learn a whole new way of learning), finance/accounting (which would actually be a wonderful fall back for me if I could get through macro/micro economics :ummm:....felt like a philosophy course yikes!), teaching (oh shoot me now....I probably would not mind this if I had some sort of REAL intellectual and creative control in this instead of focusing on testing), and the list goes on. A profession that incorporates reading, writing and research on a set path like being a professor is right up my alley. Reading especially is my passion; I grew up loving the library. The bonus of being a professor is I also get flexibility and to an extent creative control.

Another great thing about being a professor is that you are secluded in a bubble in an ivory tower on a suburban campus. Having always loved the suburbs (and still do), and also having grown up in the hood, staying on most campuses is like living in a palace for me. But, more importantly, choosing to be a professor means that I can avoid the shamble that is the real world. Yes, I said it. I am hiding out from the real world. I have a strong detest for the real world. The real world is an adult version of high school, and if you hated high school (like I did), sucks for you. If you really look at all the politics in pretty much every field (even in academia), they represent a more sophisticated form of social hierarchy built upon race, class, gender, personality, etc. You pretty much have to "play your cards right" in any field. I just think that in academia you have slightly more control because you can become a "boss" in your field by publishing the most and best stuff. Many of these journals that academics publish in are mostly blindly reviewed although their is some bit of corruption in this process too. Nevertheless, you can pretty much maneuver your way to the top, more or less, with smarts....on how to get published; not true smarts of course. ;) Truth is, I'm not a person to play the political games, and I am sure this has and can screw me over. But at least I can make-believe it's not there because the politics are also slightly subtler in academia. Sometimes the biggest bosses in academe are well-hated among their peers in the department. I am not saying that I would be hated because I wouldn't be, but as I do not like to get involved with politics, I can sometimes take on the "fade into the background" role. So those types of academics at least inspire me. Ha. :tu:

Being a professor insulates you also from the real world, so you can *choose* to ignore some things happening in the real world and be happily ignorant because no one expects you to know anything apart from what you research and you teach. And you can happily live in this bubble of a fantasy world curled up with your books...or more like locked in your home dungeon...I mean, office.

So despite wanting to rip my hair out, gaining a little weight from all the stress, missing out on my twenties, not having enough time for family or friends, and living on a shoestring budget, I choose to follow my calling not only because it is my calling but also because the alternatives make me shudder.




What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
narcissism
Supreme Member
******




Posts: 4745

Registered: 5.29.2005

Location: Jersey

Member Is Offline


Mood: Happy. Feeling glad. Got sunshine in a bag

[*] posted on 6.23.2013 at 12:42 PM
Beautiful


He has my brother's name and I have his sister's name.



What makes her authority? Well...she assumed the position.
View user's profile View All Posts By User U2U Member
 Pages:  1  ..  3  4  5


  Go To Top


Powered by XMB 1.9.8 Engage Final SP2
Developed By The XMB Group © 2001-2008
Black Female Celebrities
Modifications installed by XMB Garage © 2004-2008
[Queries: 19] [PHP: 98.9% - SQL: 1.1%]